Spark in the Dark

Chapter 130

Once Tara was done getting what she needed for testing, she gave Shawn something to help her sleep. Shawn slept until the door to her room opened, startling her awake. A women she didn't recognize gave her an apologetic smile and set a tray of food down next to her before leaving, again. Shawn lifted the lid to see a breakfast of eggs, sausage, and toast. There was also a bowl of oatmeal along with coffee and a small carton of orange juice.

Shawn picked up the fork and looked at it. She knew she should eat, but she just didn't want to. She used to fork to push the food around the plate a bit, trying to force herself to take a bite.

"Fuck it," she muttered to herself. Shawn dropped the fork onto the tray and put the lid back over the plate. Pushing the tray away, she rolled onto her side, considering trying to go back to sleep. She noticed a bag sitting on the chair Gemma had sat in the night before. Shawn recognized the bag as her own and knew Gemma had brought her clothes at some point.

Shawn threw the covers off her and went to get out of bed, but hesitated. Her body was much more sore than it had been the night before. She winced as she lifted herself out of the bed. She grabbed the bag and went into the small bathroom. She scoffed when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her face, which had already been bruised before, now looked like a train wreck. Her hair was a disaster. She carefully removed her hospital gown and nearly threw up at seeing her own body. Her chest was covered in hickeys and her thighs were bruised.

Tears filled her eyes as Shawn walked over to the shower and turned the water on. She stepped in and closed the curtain. There was a bench there for her to sit on. Shawn collapsed onto it and leaned against the wall as she sobbed. She grabbed a washcloth and brought it to her mouth. She pressed it hard over her lips to muffle the sound of her anguished screams.

* * *

Juice walked into St. Thomas later that night with some of the other guys. SAMCRO had been busy that day, but Juice wondered if they really needed to do all that shit or if Clay was trying to keep him and Tig preoccupied. As they walked down the hall towards Shawn's room. They saw Gemma standing outside.

"Everything okay?" Tig asked Gemma.

"Tara is in there talking to her now," Gemma explained. "We may have a problem."

The door to the room opened and Tara stepped out.

"Hey, what's going on?" Jax asked her.

"She hasn't eaten today," Tara explained.

"Oh, shit," Juice said as the others made similar, frustrated remarks.

"Now, I don't want to jump into panic mode too soon, it isn't uncommon for someone to lose their appetite after something like this," Tara explained, "but with the history of anorexia, I'm not ready to release her just yet."

"You going to keep her here until she eats?" Jax asked.

"I'm going to wait until morning to see if she comes around on her own. If she doesn't eat breakfast, I'll have a psychiatrist talk to her."

"Why wouldn't she want to eat after this?" Tig asked. "How did this make her think she's fat, again?"

"I don't think this is a reoccurrence of the body dysmorphic disorder," Tara told him. "She feels powerless, like she's lost control over her own body. This is how she gets it back. Shawn probably doesn't even realize that's what she's doing. It's all subconscious."

"She knows she can control what she eats because she's done it before, so she's going back to that to feel like she's in control?" Gemma asked.

"Exactly."