Spark in the Dark

Chapter 58

Tara walked into the house later that night, got herself a beer, and sat on the couch next to Jax. Shawn watched this with a raised eyebrow. Jax and Tara being friendly was news to Shawn and she wondered if something was going on there. Tara answered her unspoken question by kissing Jax, but not before giving a smug look at Wendy. Shawn looked to Wendy to see her reaction and she was clearly hurt. Jax took Tara into another room and Shawn fought the urge to move closer to eavesdrop. It didn't matter, though, because only a moment later, Tara stormed out of the house. Jax asked Juice to make sure she got home safe and, with a quick goodbye look to Shawn, he also left.

Jax went into the kitchen and this time, Shawn followed. She leaned on the counter he was standing near and he gave her a look.

"So, do you want to talk about that?" She asked.

"Not really, but I have a feeling you're about to make me."

"Since when are you and Tara... ya know, you and Tara?" Shawn asked him, ignoring what he said.

"Not long. I don't even know what we're doing to be honest."

"Well, knowing you I'm sure there's a lot of sex involved."

Jax smiled for a second, then started to laugh. "You know, we have a fucked up friendship."

Shawn laughed, too. "Like siblings, but it's not weird that we talk about this shit?"

"Exactly. Speaking of which, when was the last time you got any?" Jax asked.

"Last night," Shawn answered honestly.

Jax's eyebrows shot up. "Say what? Who?"

Shawn just shrugged. "Hey, don't change the subject."

"No, you don't change the subject."

Opie entered the kitchen "Hey, we're taking off."

"Ok, thanks for coming," Jax told him and they hugged.

"See ya," Shawn said and gave him a hug as well. Shawn left the kitchen to say goodbye to Donna and the kids, too. It looked like Jax was getting ready to try to ask her about her night the night before, but Tig interrupted them next.

"I'm going to head out, too," Tig said and hugged his daughter.

"See ya, bro," Jax said.

As they also gave each other a one armed hug, Shawn made herself busy to avoid Jax's question by asking Gemma if she needed helping cleaning up. Gemma was grateful for the offer and they both headed into the kitchen.

Everyone began to leave. Shawn almost finished cleaning in the kitchen when Clay received a phone call, causing the rest of the members of SAMCRO who were still there to fly out of the house.

"Gemma," Shawn said as she approached her, "what happened?"

"There was a shooing," Gemma told her sadly. "Donna was killed."

"Jesus Christ. That can't be true. There's no way," Shawn said, mostly to herself.

"Maybe you should go home, sweetheart."

"Yeah, ok," Shawn said absentmindedly and gathered her things. She gave Abel a quick kiss on his head and then Gemma a hug before leaving.

"Straight home," Gemma reminded her.

Shawn drove home slowly. She should have hurried there, but she felt like she was in shock. It took her an extra five minutes longer than it usually did to drive home from Jax's. Once she had parked the car in the garage, she started to snap out of it. Shawn hurried into her house and locked the door. Grief overcame her as she collapsed onto one of the stools in her kitchen. With her head in her hands, Shawn fought back her tears hard.

Her phone buzzed from inside her purse a few minutes later. She checked her messages and saw Juice left her one letting her know he was on his way over. Normally, she would go unlock the door for him, but the thought of someone else walking in who wasn't Juice frightened her.

Juice parked in the garage and went to the back door as usual. He tried to walk in, but found the door locked. He sighed. She always unlocked the door for him. She must have heard what happened. He could hear her at the door, unlocking it, and then opening it. Shawn looked at him with concern in her eyes.

"Is it true?" she asked him quietly.

Juice looked down and nodded. Shawn turned away from the door. He entered the house and closed the door and locked it.

"Shawn-"

"I just need a minute," she told him. He could hear the sobs threatening to escape her throat just from the sound of her voice. She had gone over to the counter and leaned against it, her back to him. Juice walked over and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Shawn, look at me," he gently requested.

"I can't. If I look at you, I'll start crying."

"It's ok to cry, Shawn."

"Maybe you should go."

"Do you really mean that?"

Shawn just shook her head. Juice suddenly realized he had never seen her cry. He turned her towards him slowly. She wouldn't look at his face, though. Instead she looked at his chest and began to trace the outline of the patches on his cut. For a moment, Juice couldn't get over how beautiful she was, even when she was sad. He couldn't stop thinking about them pulling Donna's body out of the truck. He imagined for a moment if it had been Shawn's body instead. Tears came to his own eyes.

"Baby, look at me," Juice pleaded. Shawn finally looked up and saw the tears in his eyes.

"I don't know how to do this," Shawn confessed. "I don't know how to make this okay for you. I always do this on my own. I don't know how to let you help me through this either."

"Just let me be here, please?"

Shawn nodded and looked back at his chest. "Poor Opie. Oh God, those poor kids."

Shawn's resolve cracked and she broke down. Juice pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her as she cried. Neither of them knew how long they stood there, crying in each other's arms, but eventually exhaustion overcame Shawn and the only thing keeping her on her feet was Juice.

"Do you want to go lay down with me?" she asked.

Juice nodded. He seemed to know just what she needed, because he lifted into his arms and carried her up the stairs to her bed.