Spark in the Dark

Chapter 131

Tara stood outside the door to Shawn's room, mentally preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Shawn was sitting in bed, watching TV. She hadn't jumped when the door opened. Tara hoped that was a good sign.

"Good morning," Tara greeted her.

"Morning," Shawn said as she turned off the tv.

"How are you feeling today?"

Shawn shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe a little better? Not sure. I might just be numb to it all right now."

"That's understandable," Tara said and looked at the untouched tray of food. "You couldn't eat again this morning?"

"Honestly, I'm just not hungry."

"You should really eat."

"I will when I'm hungry."

Tara nodded. "I got some of your test results back. Everything looks good."

"Then why do you look so freaked out?"

"I need you to eat, Shawn," Tara said and held out a piece of paper from Shawn's file. "It's not just about you anymore."

Shawn took the paper and looked it over. "Oh, my God. Are you saying I'm pregnant?"

"Yes. It's very early, but yes."

"Oh, no," Shawn said and looked at the positive pregnancy test. "Oh, no. No, no, no."

"It's okay," Tara said and touched Shawn's shoulder. "This couldn't have happened only a few nights ago. Your body wouldn't even know you were pregnant yet. The test would have still been negative."

"No, you don't understand. After we broke up, Juice found condoms Br-... he left in my house with holes in them."

"Oh, Jesus."

"I don't know whose baby this is."

"Okay, calm down. We can do a paternity test."

"I'm cannot wait that long, Tara!"

"It's possible to do one while you're still pregnant. I just need a sample of Juice's DNA-"

"You can't tell Juice. Not yet. If it's his, I will tell him."

"If it's not?" Tara asked. Shawn just shrugged and shook her head. Tara could see she was fighting back tears. "Some of Brent's DNA was on you when you were admitted. I'll test against that. I probably won't have the results until morning. Until then, we just have to hope it's negative."

"If it's not?" Shawn asked, repeating Tara's words back at her.

"That's up to you. If you want to go that route, I know of a clinic. They'll be able to get you in quick under a fake name and they take cash. No one will ever know except you and me."

Tara had to go back to work a little while later. Once alone, Shawn pulled the food tray over and tried to pick at the french toast she was given for breakfast. By then it was cold and unappetizing. Shawn tried to tell herself that that's the reason she couldn't eat it. When a nurse came in to take the tray, Shawn let her.

Lunch arrived a couple of hours later. Shawn looked to see a burger and fries. She wasn't sure she could handle a hospital cheeseburger, but the fries might be manageable. After three fries, she couldn't eat anymore. She felt like she would be sick. It wasn't the first time she felt that way since she woke up in the hospital, but now she didn't know if that was because of what happened or because of the child growing inside her.

She tried to imagine telling Juice that she was pregnant. Would he be happy? She knew he wanted kids of his own. A few of them actually. But this may not be his. What would he say if she was carrying about man's baby?

You're not pregnant, are you? Juice's words after finding the condoms echoed in her mind.

I can't stand all these reminders that you fucked someone else! That's all the baby would ever be. Another reminder that she fucked someone else.

The door opened and Shawn glanced over to see who was coming in. Her mouth dropped a little when she saw Jax strolling in.

"What are you doing?" She asked him.

"I heard you were having a hard time eating. Don't blame you, hospital food is shit. I brought you a turkey club from Hannah's. It's your favorite, right?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. But if I didn't come in and see that you're still alive in here, then Juice might have. I figured it was better for me to force myself on you than him. I don't want him ruining your relationship," Jax told her and she winced. "Shit. I cannot believe I just said that. Shitty choice of words."

"Tell me about it."

Jax sat down and motioned to the container of food he set on her tray. "Eat and let's watch some shitty movie on tv."

"Okay," Shawn said and pulled the tray towards her.

Jax grabbed the tv remote and channel surfed for a few minutes, trying to watch Shawn out of the corner of his eye. She was mostly just moving the food around her plate. She took one bite, but it was so small it could barely be considered eating.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jax asked when he got frustrated watching her. "I've seen you do this before. You play with your food so it looks like you ate, but you're not actually eating."

"Bullying me into eating didn't work when I was a teenager. Why the hell do you think it'll work now?" Shawn snapped. Jax stayed silent for a moment. Shawn couldn't see his face.

"I love you, Shawn. You are one of my best friends," Jax told her carefully and looked up at her. He had tears in his eyes and his chin quivered. "But I can't do this, again. I cannot sit by and watch you waste away. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'd do anything to change that, but I can't watch you kill yourself."

"I'm sorry. I'm trying. I'm really, really trying here," Shawn told him as her voice broke. "I'm just so fucked up right now."

"It'll get better. Just let people help you." Shawn nodded, but didn't respond. "I'll go. Give you some space. I'll see you later."

Jax stood and moved to kiss her forehead. Shawn recoiled away from him. Jax mentally cursed at himself for even thinking it would be okay with her for him to touch her, yet.

"Shit. Sorry."

"It's fine. See you later."

Jax left the room and saw Tara coming down the hall. She didn't looked pleased to see him coming out of Shawn's room.

"She told me she wasn't ready for visitors," Tara told him. "What were you doing in there?"

"Making a huge mistake."

"Roosevelt is here, again. Wants to talk to her. I can't keep coming up with excuses here, Jax."

"It's okay, I'll handle it," Jax said and walked down the hall to find the sheriff.