I Am Me (Book Two): Fate Is Wrong

Chapter 4: My People

Eduardo's POV

"WHOOOO!!!"

'Oh god, put me out of my misery.' My wolf says in my head as he doesn't feel the drunken euphoria I'm in. He can hear all the pounding music that I hear. Not an environment a wolf wants to be in, but I don't care. I just want to have a good time and find someone to make me forget my woes. 

"Don' be such a spoilsport. Evrythin' is fine! Jus' enjoy the goodtiiimes."

I'm suuuuuper druuuunk. 'I can tell. And I'm pissed off now.' Hmm, I need totake a piss too! You'real smart! I'm glad to have you as my friend. 'That would be sweet if you weren't drunk off your ass, hadn't left our mate, and put me in a room with headaching pounding beats from this dastardly millennial music.'

"Daster....dastarly.....das narly!!!" 

'And this is why we don't talk anymore.' When turn around, I see someone with brown hair and brown eyes in black leather. He looks a lot like my Nathan, but I know snot my Nathan. My Nathan doesn't goto clubs. He doesn' go to find randomen to hook up with. He's the best guy anyone canever have! Anyguy wou' be lucky to havim for even a minutuf their lifetime.

"Hey, you uh, got some real nice moves. Want me to, show you a couple of mine?" Says the guy who loosalot like Nathan.

With a ver' cute giggle, I say, "K'."

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Next morning.....

Aaawwww....ow....go away sun! You're not due for 'nother......

Huh, where- 'Good morning, bottom feeder.' What? 'Well, That was one of the activities that you put me through last night!'

I can't even remember last night dude. And not so loud, I got a splitting headache.

'oh really...MY BAD!!!! HOW COULD I NEVER HAVE GUESSED THAT YOU'D BE SUFFERING FROM A HANGOVER WHEN I FEEL THAT SAME HANGOVER???!!!!! HOW 'BOUT THAT?!!!!'

Ow, ow, okay, okay, I'm sorry. 'No! We are done with sorry. You have been sorry for these past four years and not once have you made any change to fix this!'

I've been looking for our mate! 'WE ALREADY HAVE A DAMN MATE!!!' Nathan isn't our mate! He never was ours. He is Valerius' mate. It's over between me and my fantasy of him. 'Who cares about your delusions?! You said that so long as he wants you to me, you would stand by his side, NEVER letting him go!!! I gave up the prospect of a true mate because you convinced me that the lad was the dream boy we have ever wanted! And like the idiot that I am, I believed and committed to you in committing to him!!!'

I'm sor- 'STOP BEING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND FIX THIS!!!' 

Oh boy. That is gonna be a problem. Ever since I left Nathan, my wolf's agitation has grown. I have been looking for our mate for a long while, in hopes that they'd be the answer to making me and my wolf forget about the beautiful man who still held every bit of my heart. I try to forget, I look for distractions every chance I get, but every time I try with someone, anyone, I fail to perform. It's thanks to this ones intervention that I can't use my imagination or passion to have a night- 'MANY NIGHTS EVERY NIGHT. SOMETIMES MORE THSN ONCE A NIGHT!!!' Ugh, whatever. The point is , because of that, I have been picking up tops to make me feel anything other than the pain in my chest. The weakness telling me to go back and beg on my knees to take my apology for abandoning him all those years I've been gone. To go through whatever humiliation.

You'd think that I'd have more dignity than that considering my size. I've still kept myself in shape, looking good to attract attention, though finding the regular bottom in the club frequent makes it more difficult to find the perfect distraction of my night. Soooo...yeah, I don't get much variety, but it keeps me going, looking. Smelling the different characters for my potential mate. Unfortunately, unless I choose to give someone a blow job. After that one time where I had to hide while giving the dud a blowjob, I decided that maybe just letting them do what they want with me is best.

Every morning after is all the same emptiness and regret and shame, most especially put upon me by my wolf. 'So, what do you think we should do then, cuz clearly...this ain't workin'!' I don't know! I'm no closer to figuring out who our True Mate is and.....I admit it! I hate these one night-stands. They are awkward when they don't get out and when they do get out, it's lonely. I don't want to keep doing this every night and day for the rest of my life! I want-

'It doesn't matter what you want.'

What are you-

'It's about what he wants from you. Back then it was friendship that would never end.'

Yeah and I broke that friendship because I didn't want to face the pain. 

'Breaking News: IT CAME ANYWAY!!!'

Yeah, but-

'No more buts! And no more people sticking it in OUR butt, unless it's what our Nathan prefers from us!'

Fine. Fine! I will go home, pack up, and head back to Mallory. Just as I was gonna put my stuff back on, I find the maid standing in front of me with a scared look on her face. Yeah, another side-effect of this insanity that I've been driven to is that my arguments with my wolf our said aloud through me. Sometimes both of my voices come through arguing with each other.

"Ahem. I'm sorry, ma'am. I will be out of your hair and let you do your job. Can I get five minutes to freshen up though?" With a frightened look, she nods and slowly walks out of the room. Got she must think I'm crazy. 'You are crazy.' 

Whatever. As I get back and tell my parents what's up, they are not to pleased. Back when I got home from Mallory, I confessed that Nathan wasn't my mate. I was just in love with him, and he loved Valer. They weren't pleased at all. What is more, I was in a depressed funk, doing stupid things to that very day and now I'm asking them to find the boy who broke my heart unintentionally.

I tell them to talk to my wolf about it to see if they can convince me to stay, in which they could not. So, I take my nice RV that I bought two years ago. It was my own space to be in away from my parents nagging about my choices and all these men I've been spending nights with. Thinking back in that, they were trying to help me and I didn't listen, too wrapped up in my pain to realize how worried they have been. Yet, they didn't know what to do with me. My father is a Beta, my mother is an Omega. They had no hold over me as an adult and out of their house. So, with me finally all packed for my journey, I bid my parents good-bye and give them my apologies for my behavior. My mother's eyes  light up a bit and she looks to my father. I suppose I haven't been myself in a real long time. It's time that changed, and I'm the only one able to do it. So with that, I head down the road, passed the fields into the forest towards the valley.

By car, the journey doesn't take anymore than a day. The town has changed a bit since my departure. The businesses have gotten bigger but it is still as small a town as it always has been. I gain permission to stay at a trailer park for my time that I am here. Hopefully, my groveling will get me pass the door.....