pushing the limits | gilbert blythe (completed)

11 | walk me home

"Walk me home in the dead of night
I can't be alone with all that's on my mind"

"I'm leaving in three days."

Amelia stared at the young boy sat in front of her, his gaze avoiding her eyes, staring down at the warm drink in his hands. Her lips parted, as she stared at him in shock. Leaving? What ever did he mean?

They had been in an awkward silence, neither of them knowing exactly what to say. Amelia felt discouraged; before the whole ordeal had happened, they had been best friends, and she had to admit she had feelings for the black haired boy sat in front of her, and he did for her too. Gilbert didn't really want to leave her behind, but he needed some time to figure some things out, and he felt trapped in his house, his past haunting his memories. And he needed to leave alone.

Gilbert saw the incredulous look on Amelia's face. "Alone? Where are you going?"

"I'll be working on the docks, and I hope I'll get a job on the steamers." Amelia pursed her lips, looking deeply into his warm brown eyes. She felt a small flicker of anger spark inside of her, but she tried to keep it in. Did he not plan to tell her? "Look, it's alright, honestly. I'll be fine." Gilbert continued speaking when Amelia didn't answer. Amelia squinted her eyes at him. "Oh well, I'm glad you'll be fine, because I'm not." Gilbert's eyes widened open, as he stared at Amelia, surprised at her small outburst.

"You've had two weeks since we've spoken, and you didn't find a chance to tell me?" Amelia quickly stood up, taking a few steps backwards. Gilbert followed suit, taking a few steps near her. He pulled his hair, frustrated, because he knew she was right. He was hoping to leave without having to say goodbye, knowing that if he did he wouldn't leave. He knew he wouldn't. He loved Amelia. But he thought that he'd destroy her, because he was a mess and in his eyes, Amelia was literal perfection, including all her flaws.

"You weren't even going to say goodbye, were you?" Amelia asked, the hurt laced in her voice and words. The silence that followed answered her question. Gilbert tried to hold her hand, but she softly pulled away. "Of course I was going to tell you. For Christ's sake, you're my best friend!" Exclaimed Gilbert, trying so desperately to make Amelia understand. But all she could see was how someone else was trying to leave her. Wasn't she good enough?

Amelia shook her head, her blue eyes filled with betrayal and pain. "No, you weren't. You know I'm going to try to change your mind, to tell you the truth." Gilbert stared at Amelia, who paused, lifting her eyebrows, as if daring him to challenge her. "What, what truth?" Amelia bit her lip, but said it anyway.

"You're a mess, Gilbert! This whole situation is a big enormous mess! You can't run away from your problems, you've got to face them if you want to get it over with." Amelia Exclaimed, but Gilbert started to get angry too. "I'm- I'm a mess?" Accusation was laced with his words, as Amelia sighed frustrated. "And you're in denial." Amelia said, dragging out the word and. Gilbert rubbed his eyes, frustrated. "You're not making any sense."

"Can we please stop the psycho talk and speak like mature people?" Amelia waved her hands around, her eyes darting everywhere but on Gilbert. Anyone could sense the tension and the anger in the room. Amelia was frustrated because Gilbert was going to leave without telling her, and she was taking her anger out on him. Gilbert felt like he was being controlled, like Amelia didn't understand what he was going through. "Fine, fine." Gilbert paused, his voice going softer.

"I was worried that you'd find it hard, you know." Amelia looked up at him, her blue yes dazzling in confusion. "Hard?" She softly asked, fearing the answer. "You've had a tough time, Amelia, and you become attached easily, and seeing me leave, by myself, is something you fear because you don't want to be by yourself. You don't want to be alone." Amelia frowned, taking a step back, and regret filled Gilbert face. "What I meant was, it's totally understandable, but I'll be back and-" Amelia pushed his hand away.

"You think I'm only thinking about myself? I'm thinking about you, you idiot!" She burst, and Gilbert flinched back. "As much as you don't want to admit it, you need someone right now, or you'll explode, you'll break and i won't be there to pick you up if you keep pushing me away!" Gilbert looked down, ashamed at everything that had gone through. "That's not true." He muttered, biting his lip. Amelia scoffed, and let out a bitter laugh. She got close to him, and Gilbert looked right into her broken eyes.

"I pity you, Gilbert. All I see is someone hiding away because of their crap personal life, by pushing people away when they tell you the truth." Gilbert looked down at her, enraged. "Crap, crap personal life?" He asked angrily. Amelia let out a shaky scared breath, taking a step back. Gilbert scowled at her, his anger letting off. "Let's see, at least my father loved me before dying. I can't say the same for your family."

Amelia froze in her spot, staring at him, incredulous. She couldn't believe he'd say something as insensitive as that. She didn't think Gilbert was capable of that. Guess she was wrong.

She took another step back, before moving around him, heading for the exit, wanting to leave as soon as posible. Gilbert realised his mistake, and got hold of her hand, but Amelia shook him off briskly. "Amelia wait..." Gilbert looked at her, trying to make her understand. Amelia looked at him. "Forget it, Gilbert!" Both Amelia andGilbert held tears at the back of their eyes. "Go ahead and leave! See how I care."

Gilbert bit his lip, not able to look at her. "You know what, I will." He muttered angrily, not really meaning it. "Just don't come crying to me when you realise I was right!" Amelia turned around, not wanting Gilbert to see how much he had hurt her. Not wanting him to see the tears falling down her face, not bothering to wipe them off. Gilbert, too focused on his own hurt and anger, didn't realise she was hurting as much as him. "No danger of that happening!" He shouted as Amelia slowly walked out, soft sobs filling the awkward silence.

"Good." She muttered, opening the door, letting the cold icy wind hit both of their tear-stained faces. "Excellent!" He shouted, wiping his tears away. "Fantastic!" She shouted back, disappearing completely out of his view. Gilbert considered chasing after her, regretting everything he had said, but something made him stop. She probably hates me now, he thought.

Gilbert pulled his curly hair frustrated, and punched the wall, wincing in pain afterwards. He looked at his bleeding knuckles, but he didn't care. Nothing hurt him as more as the betrayed look in her eyes. He had made her feel that way, feel betrayed hurt and angry, and that made him sick.

He was a monster, he thought.

Amelia ran out of the house, sobs choking out of her as she slammed the door with anger. Ruby, Diana and Anne, who had been waiting outside, looked at her in shock. Diana tried to hug Amelia, frowning at the tears she saw. "What happened?"

Amelia tried to talk, but more tears fell down. She shook her head, and started to run away, across the snow, her feet sinking low. She heard the girls shouting her name behind her, but she ignored them.

Nothing could fix the hurt she was felt.

Heartbreak, some called it.