pushing the limits | gilbert blythe (completed)

13 | exhale

Can I exhale for a minute?
Can I get this out in the open?
Can I sit down for a second?
Can I breathe?

Amelia knocked loudly on the front door, her knuckes pressing hardly against the wood exactly three times. As she waited for someone to answer the door, she rubbed her hands together, trying to get some warmth in them. It was the middle of winter, and honestly she hadn't given Christmas a second thought. And it was her favourite time of the year. But with everything happening, and Gilbert leaving soon, she didn't really have time to think about the most joyful time of the year.

Everything was so messed up. She really didn't want Gilbert to leave. But wasn't that selfish of her? To ask him to stay? That's what she thought Gilbert thought of her. A selfish, entitled girl. Amelia thought he was right tho. How could she ask him to stay? He obviously wanted a fresh start, away from all the memories of his dead father, the pitiful faces of those he knew. A place where no one could look at him as if they knew exactly how he felt, when no one knew. Because everybody handles pain differently, depending of the situation and the person. Amelia realised that now.

And even knowing that, she couldn't help wanting him to stay, at her side. She needed him. Gilbert understood her, and she felt safe in his arms.

Mary Joe, a stout little woman, opened the door, her round small face peaking threw the crack of the door. She was a maid who worked for the Barry's, who everyone thought she was hardworking and kind. "Miss Cove? I'm afraid Miss Diana has gone out with her family." Amelia walked in briskly, hanging her own coat next to the window, as she was rather in a hurry. "No fear, Mary Joe, I'm here to speak to Josephine." Mary Joe nodded, and let young Amelia wonder upstairs towards Miss Barry's bedroom.

Amelia opened the door without knocking. She would agree it was rather rude, but she had pressing matters to attend to and she felt like Miss Barry would properly comprehend her. "I'm very sorry, Miss Barry, but I desperately needed to speak to you about something." Amelia spoke without fear, taking her black smooth gloves off as she stood in front of the elderly woman, who's back was facing her.

She stood surprised when Josephine turned around, her almond eyes red as a small tear fell down the side of her face, lifting up her handkerchief to dab the tear off, as she sniffled her nose. Amelia took a step backwards, her hand on the knob of the door. "I am so so sorry to have interrupted Miss Barry, I'll leave immediately." Josephine quickly protested against that. "No, of course not. There's no need." Her fragile voice broke through. "Please, sit." Amelia, unconvinced, took a seat in front of her.

Josephine looked at her worried little face and exhaled. "Emotion is rarely convenient and often intolerable, but I find, in the moment, that I don't mind it." Amelia nodded, not really understanding how she could not mind the grief,  however, did not contradict the elderly woman. "Grief is...confusing."

"Grief is the price you pay for love, you see. So, it's alright." Amelia took her deep words in. She felt grief...but did she love Gilbert? Because it was a deep word, not often said to anyone you don't mean. Did she love the boy who was willing to leave everything behind, including her? Her thoughts were interrupted. "I miss my dear Gertrude very much. And I loved her with all my heart." Josephine squeezed her eyes shut, locking the tears behind her eyelids, not letting them get past. Amelia put a hand on top of Josephine's, looking into her grey eyes.

"I admire you, Miss Josephine." Josephine scoffed, a small smile displayed on her kind face. "I aspire to be like you once I grow up; a strong, intellect, independent woman, who didn't need romance in her life." Josephine raised her eyebrows, tutting her tongue. "Well, that would be anything like me, at all!" Amelia furrowed her eyebrows, confused. "But...you never got married."

"Well, you see, I did in my own way. We had a full and wonderful life together. I have no regrets." Josephine studied Amelia's expression. "That's all you really have to decide, Amelia. To live a life with no regrets."

Amelia then, realised what she had to do.

She squeezed Josephine's hand and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek as she rushed out the door, picking up her jacket on the way. "There's something I have to do, Miss Josephine!" She Exclaimed, as she closed the door, and Josephine looked through the window amused.

Amelia rushed through the woods without stopping, her heavy boots crunching the cold icy snow on the ground. Her hair flew behind her as she scrunched up her nose, the icy wind hitting her face, chilling her to the bone. She stopped a few feet in front of the house. The Blythe's house. She knew exactly what she came here to do.

To live a life with no regrets.

She fixed her blonde curls and her purple hat before knocking on the door for a second time that day. She waited a few seconds, before knocking again. Was nobody home? Or had Gilbert seen her through the window, and decided he didn't want to speak to her?

She climbed back down the stairs and decided to take a look through one of the windows at the front. She pressed her red nose on to the glass, and squinted her eyes to see inside. She slid her hand down the glass, taking a step back, tears burning at the back of her eyes.

Gilbert had left, all of his furniture was hidden behind white sheets to not get dusted.

And boy, did Amelia feel all the regret in the world.

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A/N: guys omg 5k reads on this book!! I'm so surprised!! Thank you guys so much! This chapter is dedicated to everyone who is reading it!!

Also, I finished The Society and I f*cking loved it, it's amazing! I really want to write a fanfic about it, what do you guys think??

Until next time