Abusive

Push Him Away

I got home after my meeting with Jesse and I walk in the house and my dads noticed my crying face.

"Honey, where were you? We were worried, Finn passed by looking for you but you weren't here and we thought you were with him, that's why we got nervous." Hiram said and I small smiled.

"I was watching a movie in the cinema." I said "A sad one." I said trying to make them believe that was the reason I was crying.

"Ah okay, we are going to order dinner. Do you want?" Leroy asked and I sighed.

"Actually, after that movie I just wanna go to bed and cry like a baby." I said and they nod and I go upstairs and got changed to my comfy clothes. I look to myself in the mirror and I have mascara all over my face so I just grab a tissue and take out of that from my face.

When I finished taking my makeup out I see that my neck still have a few marks of Jesse. My bag under eyes are huge cause I can't sleep well. I look very bad, funny how makeup really covers everything right?

I'm exhausted, not just because I'm having troubles sleeping but because I am truly exhausted. I'm exhausted of being in this position. I don't control my life, I have to keep doing what I psycho tells me to do cause I am so scared of him landing a finger on Finn.

This is my mess, Jesse St James is my problem and I can't let Finn be hurt because of him. I hate the fact that I had a fight with Finn today but I think is for the best. I think I need to be away from him, for his sakes and mines. I hate lying to Finn.

I think I'm going to get crazy. Seriously, I barely sleep, barely eat and I am do freaking terrified all the time. I hate to feel like that, so vulnerable.

My phone started ringing and I walk to see the caller ID and I see it's Finn Hudson. The one I really don't want to talk right now so I just refuse his call and keep taking my makeup off. But just a few seconds later he called me again and I refuse his call again.

What he said today at school really hurt me. "It's complicated...wow. Last night I literally confessed how madly in love I am for you and you still don't trust me." I can understand why he was upset but I can't believe that he blamed me for not trusting anyone right now. I know he said he loved me. And I know I love him too. And that's why I am doing all of this, that's why I am keeping all to me. Cause I don't want him to be hurt in any way.

And I really don't trust anyone, I mean, of course I trust Finn. But I still get worried all the time cause I think that any second I can be alone again, I know he loves me but Jesse used to say that he loved me too...Actually he still does that but look what happened to me after Jesse. I am destroyed.

My phone started buzzing and I grab and see that Finn is crazily texting me asking for me to pick up the phone but I jut ignore, I hate pushing him away. But I have to do that.

I just rest my elbows on the table in front of me and cover my face with both hands and burst out crying and sob loud. I just hate my life, truly hate.

I go to my bed and cover my whole body with the blankets and kept crying and sobbing. I stayed like that for hours and finally fell asleep.