Abusive

Grab My Hand

After I grab my backpack I went to school's roof. I wish I had the guts to jump. It wouldn't be easier? Way more easy. Just jump and in a fraction of seconds everything would be gone. I would be dead.

I can see a lot from here, the cold breeze of December is hitting my face and I let the tears fall and they came with force. I just can't understand why everything bad always happen to me? My past life I sure was a Class A bitch cause MAN! This life is being awful!!!

I walk to the edge of the roof and sit. I should just jump. It would be so easy, just give up and jump. I'm tired, so tired. It's been almost a month of every fucking night wake up because of a nightmare and not being able to sleep.

It's been almost a year and a half since I met Jesse and it's been a little longer than an year since everything started to happen and this whole time I feel empty, alone and scared.

I stand up and started to walk on the edge. One slip and Rachel Berry would be history. Maybe slip sometimes is not bad. Like I've said many times before, I don't wanna kill myself but I don't mind dying. Tears rolling my cheeks and a huge feeling of loneliness filling up my body. I can't take it anymore. Everything around me is falling apart. I can't. I just can't. Why I just don't simply jump? I'm a coward. But I already knew that so it's not a surprise.

I put both hands on my mouth to try to not make any noise while I cry and I just close my eyes and the tears keep rolling. This is infuriating, I'm furious with the police cause they let him slip trough their fingers but I am mostly furious with myself cause he told me many many times I thought he were just saying nothing with nothing but now he is out there, just waiting.

I just can't stop crying, the tears don't stop. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for my dads, I'm sorry for Finn, I'm sorry for glee club, I'm sorry for Mr.Schue...I'm sorry for everyone who helped me. Derek, Arizona and all the cops that worked hard in this case. I'm so sorry but I just can't take it anymore.

"Don't do anything stupid." I heard a voice saying in the exact moment I was going to just let it go. Just jump. "Here Rach, grab my hand." The person said and I look above my shoulder and close my eyes and more tears fall. He is with his hand extended just waiting for me to grab it but I just turn my face back and stare the city in front of me.

"I can't take it anymore, Finn. You have no idea. No one knows the half. You don't know, the police don't know, my dads doesn't know. No one has any idea." I said crying without looking to him. "Somehow the only person who knows everything what happened...It's Jesse. He knows cause he was there. Besides him and I? No one knows the half of the hell I went trough."

"I know that you went trough hell. I know that I don't even know the half. But I know that I love you. And I need you to know that you may feel that you're alone but you're not. Cause no matter what, I am always going to be here for you. Just grab my hand and everything will be fine." He said and I slowly turn around and look at him. It's official, I had my break down. I told ya I was about to explode.

"How everything will be fine? How? Why doesn't look like that everything will be fine?" I asked him "It would be thousands of times easier if I just disappeared. Gone forever." I said.

"It can be easier but is not the best. I don't know how to live in a world without you and I don't wanna know how feels like. I know is hard for you. I know your head must be thinking about thousands of things right now. I know you probably don't wanna share it. But please Rach, grab my hand." He said still with his hand there to me and I look at it then look to him again, his eyes showing all the fear and anguish. He is desperate and a tear rolled his cheek. I look to his hand again and grab it and he sighed and pull me into a very comfy hug. His arms are like home. And I break down crying again.

"It's okay. Put it out. Cry." Finn said petting my back and hold me tight in his arms. He had his head rested on mines and he placed gently kisses on it and calmed me down.