Petals In The Wind - a Myles Parrish story

Sweater Weather

I had the FULL intention of stuffing Myles' sweater in my bag and handing it to him on the way to first block. I also had the intention of then walking to find Kalin and taking his sweater because I liked the way it fell past my knees and I liked the way it smelled like sprinkle of heaven. But things didn't turn out that way. They never turn out how I plan.

I walked outside, tired I must add, expecting nice, 65 degree weather with a slight breeze. I was rudely awaken when the cold air brushed past my door into my face. I shivered automatically and retrieved the sweater from my bag, sliding it on over my collared, sheer white button up. (It actually matched pretty nicely with my outfit now that I think about it.) I began my walk to school, feeling completely over the day already. Forgetting about Myles, since he wasn't in his regular spot by the gym, I rushed to find my boyfriend and find comfort in his warm hug.

I came up from behind him and embraced him. He laughed and without looking back, I knew he knew it was me. "Hey babe." he said, turning around. He kissed the top of my forehead and then looked down at me. When he did, his face twisted in confusion. "Is that a new sweater ?" he asked, pointing to the one I was wearing. Confused, I looked down at what I was wearing and tensed up instantly. I turned about 50 shades of red before shaking my head. "It's a friends, I forgot to give it back." Without another word Kalin nodded and grabbed my hand.

After saying bye to his friends, we walked to my first class which just so happened to be the class I sat by Myles in, World History II.. where it all began. But I was relieved, I needed to give him back his sweater before anything happened. I attempted to change the subject so I thought of something random to talk about. Anything to get my mind off of that stupid stupid sweater.

"So Kalin, you'll never guess what happened," I said excitedly trying to get my mind off of everything and not giving him time to answer, " me and Laura were at the mall because H&M was having a sale right, and guess who I saw!"

I say quickly, ready to tell him the news. He started to answer but I impatiently cut him off. "You're not gonna guess, I SAW SPECIAL K. WE SAW KHAYMAN. IN THE BAY." Kalin looked down at me confused, "uhm? congrats?" I rolled my eyes like what I was implying was obvious. "He's the viner! The really tall one! He's here."

His face was still twisted like I was speaking another language so I let out a sigh. Just as I was about to continue I heard a voice coming from in front of me. I turned my attention forward and stopped when I saw Bri standing in my way. "Is that his sweater?" She asked, hands on her hips.

I bit my lower lip and began to blush, "uhm, whose sweater?" I tried to play it cool since Kalin was there. I knew how jealous he was and I hated fighting with him. "Don't play stupid." Bri retorted, giving me a stare that could make babies cry. I looked up at Kalin who looked just confused in general. "Bri please leave my girlfriend alone." Bri looked up at Kalin, looking ready to say something before she closed her mouth and stopped. All three of us were silent as Bri looked between me and Kalin and me and Kalin looked between each other and Bri.
Finally Bri rolled her eyes, "just make sure you give him back his sweater okay, it's cold outside." She said, surprisingly.

That simple statement showed me how much she actually cared about Myles and it hit me deep in my gut. She actually had feelings, something I never took into consideration. I felt like a horrible human being for even wearing the stupid sweater. Giving Kalin a quick kiss, I walked away to class without saying a word. I knew that Kalin was probably super confused but all I could think about what how I needed to give Myles his sweater back. I was freaking out over a piece of fabric and that was not okay with me.

I shouldn't have even been a big deal but it was. It was a really big deal.
Walking in to class, I tore the sweater off and handed it to Myles. "Oh thanks, I forgot you had it." He said, grabbing it from my hands. I remained silent, still feeling sick in the pit of my stomach. Myles tried to start a conversation with me the entire class but I was completely unresponsive. I nervously tapped my pencil on the desk, waiting for the bell to ring so I could get out of there. Myles was becoming curious of why all of a sudden I was giving him the cold shoulder, I could hear the desperation for knowledge in his voice. But I remained silent until the bell rang.

After it finally did sound, I grabbed my things and begun to speed walk to my next class until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I tensed up but didn't dare to turn around. "What's wrong with you? Did I do something wrong? Are we not friends anymore?" I could hear the fear.. (wait was it fear? Maybe it was desperation... no no, it was fear. Unmistakably fear.) in his voice as he questioned me. Finally I turned around slowly and looked at the ground.

"Bri was afraid you'd get cold so she asked me to give the sweater back and Kalin, oh boy Kalin, he doesn't even know it was your sweater and I found my inspiration but it's not okay and none of this is okay and I'm not okay, okay?" I said this all in one breath and for the first time I looked up at Myles. His face showed that he was still trying to process everything that I had just said. The bell rang in the background, warning us to hurry to class, but we didn't listen.

We just stood there. Him, waiting to figure me out, and then there was me.

,Waiting to figure myself out.

"What's your inspiration?" He finally decided would be his first question. Once again I looked down at my feet as I started to feel that sick pit in the bottom of my stomach again. Suddenly Myles grabbed my chin and pulled my head up. "Look at me for more than two seconds, please, and just talk to me."
I stayed silent for a while, debating whether to tell the truth or lie. In the end I really did a mixture of the two. I told half of the truth (which according to my mother is just as bad as a lie).

"I was inspired by a boy filled with peace and good vibes. But he's always standing really far away.... well actually he's really close.. maybe I just need to take a step forward... Or maybe he's meant to be just where his is. Out of my reach. Maybe that's okay.." I rambled, really just thinking aloud but slightly hoping that somewhere inbetween my pointless words, he would get my hint.

I searched his face for any signs for understanding. His eyebrows were knitted together and his pink lips were slightly gaped open. I guessed not. I let out a sigh and then hugged him, unexpectedly. I could feel him tense in confusion and then give into my hug, embracing me tightly.
We had never really hugged. Not like real friends. We'd always hugged like cousins who hadn't seen each other except for at a family barbecue years earlier. But never like real friends. I needed his hug. I need to know that he was right there. He was in front of me.

I pulled back and smiled half-heartedly. I got close enough so that he could hear my whisper into his ear. "Thanks for the sweater."
I walked off but I didn't go to class. I found my locker and slide down the front of it. I exhaled and closed my eyes.

What the hell was I doing? I thought to myself

Why was I so upset all of a sudden? But then I thought to myself, attempting to justify my actions, my feelings: How could someone like Myles cross paths with someone like me and not create an explosion? The last question was a trick. He couldn't. He can't. Whether it be a destructive nuclear bomb or a beautiful firework, there will always be an explosion. I learned that. Because the next day, my world went boom.