For the Love of Dance

Chapter 14

Breath. I kept telling myself as I sit beside Leo in the car. I honestly don't know what to expect from today's date. I know I want to talk to Leo about where exactly our relationship stands but, now that I'm thinking about having that conversation, my gut fills me with dread. I don't know what a relationship is actually supposed to look like because I have never officially been in one before. To me a relationship is like opening up pandora's box, you just do not know what you are going to get. That feeling of not knowing terrifies me. The thought of being vulnerable and opening up to someone scares me because there is so much that can go wrong in a relationship. You can go from completely loving someone to questioning them in a matter of seconds. I am terrified that at the end of this I will be blinded sided and hurt. On the other hand, I can't keep running away from my feelings knowing that I could be missing out on a great relationship with Leo. I just feel so conflicted because I don't want to give him my all and then be misled at the end of this. I know that this feeling partly has to do with my own fears and insecurities.

"Hey is everything alright?" Leo asks, eyes focused on the road ahead of him. I take a breath and face him.

"Yeah. I am just wondering where we are going?."

"There is no need to wonder, we are here," Leo says while pulling into a parking spot in the middle of nowhere.

"This is here? I mean really? There is nothing here." I say scanning the area through the car window.

"Whoah, you didn't even step out of the car yet." He says smiling as he gets up and leaves the car. I reluctantly follow. The sky was becoming darker and the air cooler. Winter was definitely coming. I zip up my sweater and take in my surroundings. A lot of trees and a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, great.

"I am starting to get worried." Leo chuckles in response.

"Why? Do you not trust me?" he says going further down into the trees.

"Where are you going?" I ask partly joking but also partly concerned.

"Well you won't find out if you don't come with me," he says waving at me to come forward.

"I swear." I begin following him, careful of where I'm stepping. I finally reach him and I am taken aback by what I am seeing.

"Wow, this is amazing." I didn't realize this before but, we were on a mountain facing the city. It was beautiful the sun was setting and the lights around the city were glistening. It was perfect.

"I know," Leo states. I look to my right and see that he is not beside me. I quickly turn around and see a blanket laid across the floor and on top, there was wine and pasta.

"Wow, you are really spoiling me tonight," I reply. I can feel myself blushing. This was perfect, everything about this was perfect and the date hasn't even officially started yet.

"Well I need to be nice to you sometimes." he chuckles blowing out the match he was using to light up the candles.

"Did you make this?" I point at the pasta while simultaneously grabbing my plate.

"Well... no, I ordered it from a restaurant. My plan was to make it but, work was pretty intense today so I got back a little later than planned." He grabs the red wine and pours some in my glass. He looks up at me and his bright green eyes are more intense. The feeling that was in my stomach from earlier returns.

"So, what happened today?" I look down at my food as a way to avoid eye contact with him. I hear my friends voices going through my head.

You need to give it a chance.

Who knows, you guys might actually work out, not all relationships are doomed.

"Just a lot of calls today. Most of them were health-related just in case you were wondering," he says green eyes holding my stare.

"Oh I was definitely wondering ... I mean that is why I asked." I say hoping that it would lighten up the mood. I don't know if I'm ready for this conversation. I want to be ready. Leo is different from a lot of the guys I have been around but, that is also what makes it scary.

"I know that." Leo's warm laugh fills the space between us. I look up at the sky, the sun has gone down and the stars are scattered across the horizon. "Look, I want to be honest with you Denise. I want to be more from this friendship or whatever we have going on here. I want you to officially be my girlfriend. I know that we have only known each other for a month or so but, I feel like we have something... I could be wrong... I guess what I am trying to say is ... I just want to give us a shot." Leo goes from being confident to a stuttering mess.

"I want to give it a try too but first you have to promise me something?"

"I'll do anything." Leo responds in a mock tone, grabbing on to my hand.

"Well, in that case, I really want you to ..."

"To kiss you because I can do that no problem." Leo cuts me off and the glimmer in his eyes returns.

"That's not what I was going to say but, now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind."

"Well, your wish is my command."

"Shut up or I will change my mind." I joke knowing that I probably wouldn't change my mind.

"Oh well, suddenly I don't feel like kissing you anymore."

"Is that right? Well I don't feel like kissing you either." I put down my plate noticing that all the food is gone. I decide that sitting is too much work and move to lay down.

"Now you are lying." I feel Leo's body shift and he too is laying on the blanket right beside me. I was lying. I really did want him to kiss me but, I am too stubborn to cave.

"You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I was just wondering if you have ever been in a relationship before? Not that I care if you weren't in a relationship or if you have been in many relationships. I guess what I am trying to say is I want to get to know you since you're my girlfriend now."

"Your such a weirdo, you know that right. I didn't need all that explanation. You could have just asked the question but, since you are asking ... I have not been in an official relationship but, I have been with people before. How about you?" I thought that talking about making this relationship official would be scary but, I was wrong. Talking about my past relationships is way worse.

"Okay, then next time I will just ask you the question no matter how harsh it might sound." Leo chuckles and I smile at the comment. Why am I such an asshole sometimes? "But since you asked, I have been in a couple of relationships, nothing too serious though. Let me say that again, they weren't horrible people but, I just didn't feel it with them and I tend to rush into things sometimes. I promise that this is the last time I will over-explain."

"Well now is the time when you should be over explaining. Being with someone who rushes into things doesn't make me feel that comfortable." I laugh knowing that I shouldn't be criticizing him. Especially, since I have made it my mission to avoid being in a relationship, period. "Look I am not going to lie, being in a relationship scares me that is why I haven't been in one. However, I want this to work ... I want us to work."

"Now look at the one who is being cheesy," Leo comments. We both burst out in laughter and he wraps his arms around me. I want to sigh at his touch but, I restrain myself. "But in all seriousness, I want you to know that I want this to work out too. I also was really trying to take it slow believe it or not."

"I am so honoured, really. In all honestly though whatever happens between us, it is both of our faults because I want this as much as you do or else I wouldn't have said yes."

"There is still time to change your mind," Leo says smile on his face knowing that I wouldn't change my mind, not now. So instead I decided to make the first move because a girl wants what a girl wants.