Sanders Sides HighSchool

15

"Roman..." Is all I can muster out.

His eyes flare, and any trace of a smile that was on his face is now gone. Roman narrows his eyes, "Do you really care Virgil?" He asks. I frown, "Of course I do" I say.

"Oh really? Because the only reason we're here is because D had us meet up." Roman says slowly standing up. I follow his lead and stand up as well.
"The only reason we're in this situation is because of HIM!" I say, my voice slowly getting louder as I point at the lier across the room. Roman has a strained smile on his face as he shook his head, "I know what he did, but I also know what you did, and you were the one who broke up with me Virgil, not him" Roman says, keeping his composure, unlike me. I can feel my heart beat faster, and my face is most likely turning red.

"Ro, I"

"No! You were the one who decided that we couldn't help each other out, that we couldn't be a team" He says, I can feel his voice getting harsher with every word that comes out of his mouth his anger only rises.

"I know..I know that you were trying to protect me. This has been the craziest time of my life, and everyone I know is just trying to help me. Virgil..I just thought that we were going to be a duo, a pair that would  help each other. I didn't want you to feel like I was just dragging you down."
I blink, and take a deep breath, "Roman, I never felt like you were dragging me down, I just..I just didn't want to see my prince get hurt"
"Yea, well you said it yourself, you said you didn't want to deal with 'my messed up life'!" Roman shouts. He takes a step forward, and I find my anxiety getting the best of me as I take a step  back.

"I don't know about you, but I really do like you! I never want to see you sad or hurt, and I will always try to help you in anyway that I can Virgil. But whether you like it or not, you looked me in the eye and told me that I'm too messed up for someone like you. So don't you dare look at me and tell me that you don't want me to get hurt, if that were true then you wouldn't have hurt me, you would have helped me! I wanted you to be mine. I wanted to be with you, to talk with you, to kiss you, to be your one. I thought that if there's anyone who would be right for me, it'd be you. But even then I knew that you and I weren't on the same level, I knew it..." Roman's voice becomes softer, and less mad.

"When you said you'd go out with me, Virgil, I've never felt so happy in all my life. But then you abandoned me. Because when things got wrong you did the horrible thing, you did the ugly thing, you listened to the snake telling you to sin and you went with the easy way out! I...I needed you Virgil, I know that I'm not your responsibility, my happiness doesn't come from other people and all that....but I just wanted you to be happy. I just wanted to try to make you as happy as you make me. I'm sorry if I can't give you anything more than this!" Roman yells pointing at himself, a tear spills down his face.

"I'm sorry I can't be greater than this mess that I am. I'm trying to get better, and I'm sorry for making you think that you had to care for me. I'm sorry that I seem that pathetic, that weak...but I'm getting better, and I'm getting stronger, and I'm not going to be weak anymore. I'm not some damsel in need of being saved, I...I'm getting stronger so I can help myself, and so I won't have such a messed up life that you'd have to look at..." Roman mumbles near the end, he folds his arms and looks off at the side, tears spilling down his beautiful face.

"Roman.." I say, and I take small steps towards him, I don't want him to freak out.

"Roman, I care for you. I care for you so much. I love you so much more than I can love anything else, you take my breath away every single day, I'm gasping for air because of how much of it you take away. I...I can't take back what I said. I can't look you in the eyes and tell you what your going through isn't messed up, that you have some baggage, that we aren't stubborn. But I can't look you in the eye and tell you that I am not ready to help you, because I am, and I want to. Roman, I want to help you, I want to be the shoulder that you cry on and I want to be the person always backing you up. Roman, I want to be the person who you can talk to, who you can be real with. I can't say I'll always make you happy, I can't say that we will always get along, and I can't say that we both need each other. Because the beauty of this is that I don't need to be with you, I want to be with you Roman. You don't need me, you can be strong on your own....this...whatever we have, isn't something that you should only depend on, but its growing, and it'll get stronger, it'll get better." I stop walking, inches away from Roman. I take my hands and put them on his wet cheeks, cupping his face softly while I look down into his blue eyes.

"Roman, I'm so sorry. I'm a mess, there's a reason people call me anxiety. I've made a thousand mistakes in my life, I'm making some pretty bad mistakes right now, and I'm going to make so many mistakes in the future. I'm sorry that I made you cry. I wish your mom had been a little stronger, I wish she stayed around a little longer. I wish your dad was good, I wish grown ups understood. I wish I could tell you all the reasons why you should never frown, I wish I could tell you that things can only get better." I pause, feeling my own tears spilling from my eyes.

"A-And I wish that I was the guy who you deserve"