The Mob Princess

Surviving Alone

Three damn weeks have passed and I still cant get her outta of my head. My father has offered me several other jobs, I didnt take any. The payment from Anthony assured me I didnt have to work for a long time. I find myself wondering if this is truly what I want for my life. Brook made me step back and look at my life in a way I never could before even Peyton didnt do this. This was never meant to be a career I just stuck to it because of my father and I am really good at it. I find most of these nights I sit alone Duke and I home alone with my thoughts of Brooklyn. I wonder if she is ok and if she ever thinks of me. I havent tried texting her since that text when she left, it was clear that she had blocked my number that she didnt want to speak to me.

The last three weeks have been horrible! Ive tried to get back into the swing of things but all Ive been able to think about is Joe. I guess I really was just a job to him. it was Friday night when Gianna blew up my phone ive been pretty much ignoring everyone making excuses on why I couldnt go out and do things. Gianna wasnt taking no for a answer. It was eight when she busted into my bedroom door, I was laying on the bed listening to Angels cry on repeat.

"bitch what in the fuck, you been ignoring me since you got back"

"no I havent (yes I really was)"

" Ok get up we are going out"

"I dont feel like it"

"I dont care, I dont understand why you been moping around since you been back but its nothing some Fireball and shaking your ass cant fix"

"I just wanna be alone"

"NO get your ass up, get ready Im not taking no for a answer and the maybe you can tell me what has you so twisted up"

"I really dont feel like it"

"please for me two hours and if you still dont want to be there we will go home"

"FUCK FINE then will you leave me alone"

"yes".

I quickly got ready, before I knew it the reflection staring back at me was the same girl in the same dress that I wore to the club with Joe. I sighed and with one more looked we headed out. We pulled up to 707 a short time later and much like everytime we go out we got the VIP treatment being ushered into VIP lounge, I used to love this now all I wanted to do was go back home. I ordered a wine and shot of Patron and sat down, Gianna immeditaly started dancing. She was having a good time I just couldnt get into it. Thoughts of Joe began to flash through my head and our night out at the club. I did my best to not break down right then, suddenly all I heard over the speakers was

When you feel it in your body
You found somebody who makes you change your ways
Like hanging with your crew
Said you act like you're ready
But you don't really know
And everything in your past, you wanna let it go

I couldnt I darted from the club and into my car. I jumped hanging my head on my hands. The floodgate of tears began to fall, I just realized I had fallen in love with Joe without even realizing it. I want him nobody else. I want him but I was never going to be able to see him again.

Here I sit its Friday night alone at home beer in my hand, I grab the remote off the cofee table Duke on the couch next to me, I flip on the stereo to hear

I was thinking bout her, thinkin' bout me
Thinkin' bout us, what we gon' be
Open my eyes yeah, it was only Just A Dream
So I traveled back, down that road
Will she come back, no one knows
I realize yeah, it was only Just A Dream

my head fell back again the couch as the thoughts of Brook ran through my head. I played everything over and over again, I still remember everything the way her body felt against me, the feeling she mad me feel when she kissed me everything, I remember everything about her. Im sure she is back to her normal life happy and not even giving me one more thought but for some reason I cant seem to shake her. I thought I had all I ever wanted in Peyton but the more I think about it the more I realized that the feelings I have for Brook are so much more than how I felt about Peyton. I slid off the couch and walked into the room turning on the light, I havent brought myself to go through her room since I came back to the city. I wandered around aimlessly till I was standing in front of the closet, I opened it hanging in there was the shirt she had on the day I picked her up from the airport she must have forgot to pack it in the rush of getting ready to go to the cabin. I pulled it off the hanger I dont exactly know what for and sat on the bed, the nightstand stood opened slightly, I pulled it open to see pictures that were taken of us when we went to a dinner at my parents a couple nights after she arrived. It brought a smile to my face briefly, the way she looked up at me I swear I seen something in her eyes, there was feelings there maybe its wishful thinking maybe its she had feelings and I just pushed her away so much because I was scared of my feelings I finally lost her.

I woke up the next morning eyes red and puffy from crying, I sped out of the club leaving Gianna there I feel bad I left her there but I just couldnt. I walked downstairs my father sitting at the kitchen table, I poured a cup of coffee and sat across from him.

"Morning Princess"

"Daddy"

"Is everything alright, you seem to be off since you came back home"

" its nothing"

"Princess you seem so sad all the time, I thought you come home and you get right back into the swing of things"

"I missed you I really did well I was gone, just got used to not having to look over my shoulder everywhere I went. People werent scared of me they didnt even realize who I was and I liked that. Sooner or later its all just going to happen again, someone with a score to settle with you and they are going to use me to do it."

"If we encounter that again I will hire Joe again and send you back to Boston. Here take my credit card get Gianna go shopping get whatever you want that usually cheers you up"

The minute he said Joe's name I burst into tears,

"Princess why are you crying?"

"I want my life back in Boston Daddy, this isnt the life I want anymore."

"Why is this so important to you Brooklyn?"

"Daddy I met someone"

"Who.. its Joe isnt it"

"Yes daddy its Joe, I want my life back in Boston with Joe!!"

My father threw the paper in his hand to the table standing up

"Brooklyn Natalya you were a paycheck to  him a fucking job, he doesnt want to be with you. Everything he did he did because I told him any means to keep you safe, all he sees when he sees you is a paycheck!"

"Thats not true dont you dare say that"

"who do you think your yelling at little girl, Im still your father"

"He showed me there is more than the lifestyle that Im more than the lifesyle, I can be more than Anthony Gravinos daughter. I could be myself with him and he never judged me, here everyone judges me even you!!"

"Brooklyn your being silly"

"Im not doing this!!"

I pushed back back from the table storming out tears still in my eyes,

"Brooklyn Natalya get over here"

I just kept going, I got into my car and drove over to Gianna's.