Northern Stars Are Flaming

She Aches Just Like A Woman

"Stevie!" Yelled Christine, tears streaming down her face.   Stevie heard her call out and it broke her heart, but she couldn't handle looking at Christine, she felt too guilty for hurting her, she suspected Christine really had gotten stitches, all the things she had been prescribed and how she was barely able to walk, didn't seem like she just had scratched hips.  

Stevie leant up against the hallway wall and just started crying.  She had never loved anyone the way she loved Christine and she had hurt her, hurt her because she was high and not paying attention, she hated herself, she wondered if they were being punished for having a lesbian relationship and she was angry at herself, if she hadn't gotten so high over Lindsey cutting 'Silver Springs' she would have paid attention to Christine during sex.

"Stevie!" Christine cried her voice breaking and she was worried where Stevie had gone, worried she had ran off out of the house. She whimpered loudly as she forced herself out of the bed shakily standing "Fuck!" She muttered loudly, leaning on the wall and crying more just from the pain, she felt swollen and in more pain as she stood "Stevie!" She yelped walking and biting into her bottom lip so hard it almost bled "You cant dump me over this, I know I'm a fuckin idiot, but I love you and I will not leave you, I will never cheat on you, I will never hurt you Stevie, please don't leave me like everyone else does, am I really that pathetic?" Christine wept, waddling as she leant on the wall, blaming herself.

Stevie felt even worse as she heard Christine's words and slid down the wall crying as her heart felt like it was shattering into tiny pieces, she had never hated herself so much and the drug intake worsened the situation and guilt.

Christine forced herself out of the bedroom, grunting and wincing and saw Stevie sitting against the wall crying "Stevie baby, can we get past this, please, your making me humiliate myself because I fucking love you so much and I just want to lay in bed and cuddle because I'm tired and I need you!" Christine stammered. 

 "Stop loving me, I feel like I am domestically abusive toward you, what I did to you, you cant even tell me the truth about it, I hurt you, because I was high and angry about the day and I could have seriously damaged you, its so severe!" Stevie stated, not looking at her "You should go back to John, I'm ending it Christine, its over, you can have the house, I will move out!" Stevie added not thinking clearly, she felt like she would hurt Christine again and she loved her too much for that, she felt like she had nearly killed her "I'm a poison Christine, I'm like bella donna!" 

"No your not, you cant do this Stevie, why does everyone leave me, I'm clearly un lovable, I'm the poison, I should just fucking die, I fuck everything up and my stupid body cant even have sex properly, I'm a freak  so if you want me to leave, I will!" Christine cried and made her way back to her own room slowly, her vision blurred from crying, she hated herself and blamed herself for all of it, Stevie was all she wanted and she had fucked it up in her opinion.  

She was surprised when she felt arms wrap around her "Your not unlovable, don't ever think you should die, I hurt you and I hate myself over it because I love you more than anything and I worry your too good for me, I love you Chris and I'm so sorry, I wish you would hurt me too!'

Christine felt warm and safe in Stevie's arm and comforted "I love you, it was an accident,  we cant let something like this end what we just started!" Christine gulped, leaning back against Stevie.

"I never wanted to end this but I cant bear the thought of hurting you again!" Stevie stated holding Christine and supporting her, Christine basically fell into Stevie's arms.

"You wont hurt me!" She muttered truthfully.

"Well if you believe that, I want you to be honest about your injury and show me, we need to have honesty between us and I want to take care of you, that's all I ask if you really still want me as your girlfriend I want you to tell me the truth, stop sparing my feelings over this, let me help, if I know I can help heal you!" Stevie said softly sniffling.

"I don't want to make you feel bad!" Christine gulped back more tears.

"I already do!"

"Promise if I'm honest you will not run away from me?"

Stevie inhaled deeply "I promise!"