Cold Hearted

•You Love Me•

{•edited•}

~Ida's POV~

I look at myself in the mirror, trying to decide if I want to wear this of something more my style. It's a horrible feeling when you have to raid your mothers closet for something relatively cute to wear; of course, I'm wearing these items in ways she would never. It looks like something Eliza would wear.
My phone going on makes me snap out of the weird trance I was in and grab my phone from the dresser. Eliza's name shows up across the screen. I don't bother answering, I just grab my bag and make my way down the stairs since I know she was just going to say she's outside. Thankfully, my dad isn't home yet. If he was, he would have me tell him when I'm coming home, who I'm going to be around, if they'll be alcohol, if he could drive me, if the air is safe in that area.
"I'll be back," I say, kissing my moms temple before running out the door. It's not too cold, so I don't regret the tank top under the coverup. I highly doubt I'll even take it off; I don't like showing my arms. It's not that I'm weirdly religious, I just like to trust modestly.
"Oh, she fine!" Eliza says, rolling down the passenger window. "Hop in hot momma; imma take you for a ride."
"You're so weird," I tell her, getting in. She laughs, turning down the radio. She starts driving again, telling me how she's excited to spend time with Junior outside of school. I guess they're trying to make it official. "Aren't you scared?" I ask her.
"About Junior? What's there to be scared about?" She asks. I shrug. "I mean, I understand I'm taking a big chance with him, but it's worth it. He and I come from the same backgrounds, our brothers are in the gang. It's just something we have to move past. I'm not focusing on the fact that the hard thing in his pants is a gun, just how he makes me feel."
Part of me understands where she's coming from, but it's still crazy to me. I wish I had the balls to be with Santi. He's always so nice and sweet to me, has always had my back even though I give him the cold shoulder, but I could never give in no matter how much I like him. He's apart of something I want to stay far away from. I want to be with someone I can fall in love with without the fear of getting hurt. I want to be able to invite my boyfriend over for dinner to meet my parents without my dad immediately taking out his handcuffs.
"You could always just sleep with Santi, so there would be no emotions." Maybe.
"I wouldn't do that." Oh, yes, you would with him. I hate my mind.
      •••••

     I'm starting to regret coming until around ten when Santi and Junior show up. My eyes widen when I see Santi is sporting a black eye and a rip in the shoulder of his t-shirt. Everything about his stance and appearance right now is off.
    "Hey," Junior says, leaning down to give me a quick hug and kisses Eliza. The smile on her face says more than she ever could about how she's feeling. He sits down next to her while Santi sits a good distance away from me, knowing I like personal space. I wouldn't mind him invading it though.
     "What the hell happened to you?" Eliza asks him. He keeps his head down, outing his jacket on. His hand hits my shoulder. He mumbles a small sorry, his voice barely above a whisper.
    "His dumbass got in a fight with Dante. Took three guys to break that shit up," Junior says with a laugh. A loud gasp leaves my mouth. Santi's eyes find mine. "You should see the Dante though. He might be bigger, but Santi fucking beat his a-"
"That's enough," Santi says through clenched teeth. I wish I was brave enough to reach out and comfort him. He looks so upset and stressed.
"You want a drink?" Eliza asks Junior. I know this is just her way to get him alone with her. He nods, getting up and following her the total opposite direction of the drinks. Santi scuffs, shaking his head.
"Sorry, you're left with me," he says. I'm not. "He keeps looking," he says, his voice almost high pitched; I honestly don't think that's fully possible for his voice to do. His voice was the second thing attracted me so much to him, first obviously being how sweet he is to me. Once he hit puberty and his voice got deeper, me and every other girl was putty at his feet.
I look over to see my life long bully staring straight at me, not even trying to hide that he is. "And?" I ask, not seeing the problem. As long as he doesn't come over here, I'm good. Luke has always been a huge jerk to me, has always had some weird kink with hurting me. The amount of fights Santi and he have got in for that very reason is more than I can remember by now. It's been too many times.
"And it's making me want to slam him against the tree," he says, his voice no longer how it just was; it's...different. I wish you would push me against a tree.
"It's fine. He's not doing anything."
"It better stay that way." I take off the cover-up, starting to get too hot. His eyes nearly pop out of his head as he looks at me. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I'm hot," I mumble, worrying that something about what I did was wrong.
"I've known that for years, but that's not what I mean. You're showing-you're showing your arms," he says. I cock a brow. "I know that's normal, some girls show more, but you always wear-"
"Virgin Mary on her way to give birth clothes?" He nods, chuckling. I'm happy I was at least able to make him smile.
"Yeah. It's a good look on you though," he says, looking me up and down. I shift uncomfortably. "So, would you like to tell me why you're talking to me today? You usually hardly say anything at all to me." I sigh, wishing I had an answer. I might be starting to grow some balls.
"I just don't you thinking I'm rude or something," I say. It's part of the truth. I don't want him thinking I'm just a bitch who won't talk to him.
"It's okay. I know you love me," he says with a wink. There's that flirty boy I've known since kindergarten.
"Love is a big word," I say with a small laugh.
"What? You say you don't?" I know he's only teasing, but it feels more serious than that. Maybe it's because his gaze is intense...it always is when he's looking at me. It makes me nervous in the best way.
"Stop worrying about my thoughts on love and worry about that shiner."

AN: I'm gonna end it here and carry it into the next chapter! She's slowly starting to talk to him more 😀 I really hope you guys enjoyed!
     Question: What's something you would like to see happen? How do you like it so far?
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