Cold Hearted

•Leave Me•

{•Unedited•}
~Santi's POV~

The pain is slowly starting to subside from the medicine my nurse gave me. The IV's I have connected to me are growing more and more uncomfortable the longer I have them on. She said when she comes back in she'll tell me how long I'll have to keep them in and I'm hoping they can just yank them out.
Ida traces random patterns on my hand, every now and then bringing it up to her lips. It's comforting, but also makes me feel worse than I already do. My mom would only ever touch me like this when I was sick because that's the only time I would let her; it always made me feel weak.
"C-can you stop doing that?" I ask. Her head snaps up, eyes meeting mine. She slowly takes her hand away, looking like she did something wrong. I grab it back, squeezing it. "I didn't mean it how you think."
"How many people have you killed?" What now? She lets out a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I'm just-I'm just curious." It's not a question that surprises me. I knew this would come up eventually and she'd leave just like everyone else recently.
"I lost count," I admit. She looks away from me, closing her eyes. "I can't even remember some of their faces, but I think that part is for the best." She nods, taking a deep breath. Am I just feeding to what her dad has always told her? I'm hoping she knows me well enough to know the real me and not the guy I have to be for Castel.
"Used drugs?"
"Only weed, not the hard shit." I squeeze her hand, bringing it up to my lips. She relaxes slightly, giving me a soft smile. "If this has something to do with worrying about that part of my life, I'll never let you get hurt by it or even let you around it. Think of it this way, with me you get someone who loves you way more than I should, someone whose understanding, someone who can protective more than the average guy can...and great sex."
   She giggles, making me smile despite the pain coming back. The door opens, revealing a pale Don. She looks like she's just seen a ghost, or like she's going to throw up.
    "What's wrong?" I ask. She looks behind her then her eyes meet mine. They're red and sunken in from what looks like crying.
    "Someone wants to talk to you," she says. My eyes narrow as she moves out of the way. Now just like her, I feel nauseous and I must look like it as well. My dad comes in cautiously, chest rising and falling rapidly. Tears flood my eyes.
    "I didn't die, so why am I seeing dead people?" I ask, looking towards Ida who looks just as shocked I do. "Da-"
   "Santi," he says, looking back at Don and Zurine who I close behind before closing the door. I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "Open your eyes and look at me."
     "What the hell did that doctor give me? He grips my shoulders, not squeezing to hard but forcing me to make eye contact with him. Tats escape my eyes just as I let out a loud sob. Out of the corner of my eye I see Ida get up and start towards the door.
     My dad lets me go and goes to the chair she was just in. I wipe my tears, taking shaky breaths. This doesn't feel real at all. At this point I'm damn near hyperventilating. "Y-you're dead. I cleaned up your blood!"
     His eyes search mine. "I know," he says. This can't be real. "But I'm really here and want to explain my myself."
     "It better be good cause I'm about to call the doctor to give me more of whatever it was that she gave me," I say. He chuckles, squeezing my hand. Even though I know I might be loosing my mind, I don't dare let go or loosen my grip on his hand. He never showed me much affection, but that never bugged me. But after thinking he was gone, gone for good, I'm scared that if I let go, he'll be gone again.
     He goes on to explain the situation with Ida's dad and how it all started. He thought if he left without anyone looking for him I'd be fine, but looking at the fact that I'm literally in a hospital bed with gunshot wounds, that clearly wasn't the case. The first time he attempted suicide, it was real, but obviously not the second time.
    I want to be mad at him for making us believe he was dead, but I know that if I was in his shoes I would do the same thing for my son. He just lost my mom, the person he loved most in the world, and didn't want to risk loosing another so soon after.
    "Oh course I want to be with your mom again, but I know that if I did something to myself, she would beat my ass in the after life with a bread roller. She wouldn't want me to leave you overgrown kids, and honestly, I couldn't do it even if so. She won't be able to see you get married or have your own kids, but I'll do it for her cause I know that's what she would want."
      I wipe my tears again, licking my lips. This day has been too much. "I love you and I'm happy, so fucking happy, that your alive, but where were you?"
     "Henry has reached out to Castel to try and make a deal with him to get information on you that could lock you up. Castel wouldn't rat you out like that, so I knew him and I would be on the same page. He's been hiding me out. Zurine came to his house tonight to ask him for Henry's address, but found me. Before we could ask for it, Don called and said you needed him and it was important."
     My head is starting to feel like I just banged it against a wall. First getting shot, Ida asking intense questions, finding out my dad is alive, it's all too much for me to process right now.
    "You guys can't kill him," I tell him. He looks at me in confusion, his brows pulling together. "If anyone's going to kill him, it's going to be me." It still feels like I'm seeing a ghost, but he's actually here; living and breathing. "But I feel that if he dies, I'm just as bad as him."
     He shakes his head, squeezing my hand again. Seeing him again, it's making me realize just how much I missed him. I knew I did, but I feel like if it wouldn't cause me severe pain, I'd grab him and never let go. It's because of him that I'm not an affectionate person, but this is my dad and I thought I lost him for good.
   "You're not, it's a completely different situation. Santi, if he lives, he's not going to stop until you're either killed or locked up for life. He's mental and needs help, but he's too far gone to realize that at this point."
    What he's saying is true, but I've never killed someone without orders. Every time I've taken a life it was because I was told to, it was half willing, but this would be completely on my terms. I would be the one with all his blood on my hands. And Ida, no matter how mad at him she may be, she'd be heartbroken if he passed.
    "I can't do it, at least not now," I tell him. "And neither will you or Zurine. I'm gonna be okay." He gestures to my body.
    "Is this okay to you? I was in this life years until I met your mom and never was I laying in a hospital bed because I got shot. You aren't okay and won't be until he's gone."
    He's right, but I can't bring myself to even think about it. "Just give me a little time before you do something, please." He nods, letting my hand go. I suddenly feel cold again. My hand flies to my chest as I groan, the pain coming back again.
      "I'll get a doctor," he says. When he starts towards the door is when I realize how weird he's walking; it's like a penguin whose trying to walk like a human.
    "What happened to you?" He stops in his tracks with a nervous smile.
    "Let's just say your uncle grandpa keeps a bread roller in his car."
    ••••••
     
     "You're so beautiful," I accidentally say out loud, the drugs starting to take effect. Ida has been sitting next to me in the chair ever since I kicked everyone out and told them to go home. I tried telling her to as well so she wouldn't have to sleep in the chair, but she said she doesn't want to see her dad so soon.
    Her eyes meet mine. "I want to take a break." Letting our a loud sigh, her body slumps back in the chair. She's crazy if she actually believes I'm gonna give her a break. I worked way to hard just to get her to look my direction for years and now that she's mine there's no way I'm letting her go easy.
    "Then go to sleep," I say, trying to sound oblivious. She shakes her head, blinking her eyes rapidly.
    "No, like, you and I need to take a break. I love you, but everything is just too much. Maybe it was better before we got serious. That way I didn't know so much about you and could stay even further away from your...job. And my dad will get off your back," she says. Why does everything seem to think that leaving me will make him go away?
    ••••••
                              ~Ida's POV~