Memoir

Senior year

I was doing well with you. I was making food grades in my honors classes, I was in a volunteer program called PALS, I was secretary of student council, I was homecoming princess which got me in the newspaper. I had my uncle walk me onto the court when I should have had you though. I just always figured you would have hated it.
Now I realized it might have made you happier.
I made a lot of mistakes though.
You started having troubles with your heart all the time. There was even one time where my best friend was down and we both wanted something to eat. I asked you if I could have some money to grab something and you told me to hurry up.
I asked you why and you just acted like I asked why the sky was blue and everything was cool.
"Oh I'm having a heart attack. You girls go eat and then you can drive me to the hospital."
We both tried to get you to go but you refused until we got a bite. Eventually we caved and got ourselves the quickest food (mcdonalds) and ran back home as quick as we could. We got about halfway to the hospital he wanted to go to when he decided he just wanted to go back home.
Everyone in our family gave me shit for it you old stubborn fart.
You kept having them every once in a while and you started taking your meds more often and going to doctors more often.
I knew you hated the doctors, you never stopped cussing about them after you left.
It made me wonder why you never fussed when I had to go though. I guess I get it now though.
I still drinked a bit. Started smoking a bit. You never found out about the smoking part thank you Jesus but you did find out about the drinking. I'm just glad you never found out about how I swam away from the cops. I started playing tennis which I have horrible aim for but a hell of a powerful serve.
It was fun times though, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I just wish I used more time for you like you did me.
We got a Netflix account from my aunt and we both got obsessed with the only show worth watching.
Jane the virgin.
We both watched the absolute shit out of the show, and I never would have thought you would like it. You started watching all kinds of telemundo after, even the show narcos.
Nobody in the family could hold their laughter when they found out we watched the same shows.
Then some stuff happened that got me really depressed for a bit.
A cousin I barely knew about was murdered.
A person from my school committed suicide.
My uncle in law choked on a blood clot.
Then the worst of it came one day after tennis practice. I was worried because I saw my cousin had signed out for personal reasons but I hadn't heard anything. Then I get a text from my cousin telling me the grandma I was close to passed away with the family beside her.
Nobody had bothered to contact me and they knew she was dying a day before. I was taken immediately to the nursing home she lived in and started to bawl at the sight of her.
The next day I found out I have a blood clotting disorder from my doctor.
I told you that you wouldn't understand, she was one of the only people in my life who never made me feel like I was a mistake.
I just didn't tell you that you were also one of those people.
Things got better right before graduation. We both started to wonder what the hell was gonna happen when I leave. We both got so used to the others presence.
You even gave me a used car for revenge against my mom which always makes me laugh when I think about it.
After graduation I moved up to my other grandmas. I had lived with her before, and I was gonna work until spring to become an RN like her. I didn't get to visit often but we still talked to each other every once in a while.
I should have called more often.