Unwritten: Diary of a Lean Green Plumber

Out of the Loop

23 June 1996

MK

Dear Diary,

Well, it's official. Mario and Peach are definitely an item. (Boy, am I glad we get to call her by her first name now; it's much less to write, and thus, less taxing on my fingers.) Earlier this morning, she invited him to her castle to share a cake with her. If that doesn't sound like a date, then I don't know what does.

Just minutes after Mario left, he gave me a buzz. Peach and Toad were missing, and all the doors but one were locked! The door he was able to access took him to a giant painting, which transported him to a place called Bob-omb Battlefield. It was there that he got the scoop—someone's stolen the Power Stars from the castle, and they plan to turn everyone in the painting world into monsters to help them take over the MK. That was classic Koopa!

"So—I guess I'm gonna be gone for a while," Mario finished, a little sadly.

"Are you—are you sure you don't need any help?" I ventured to ask.

"Nah, I'll be fine," said Mario, "but thank you for the offer. Please, look after the rest of the MK while I'm gone, in case anyone else wants to try anything."

"You got it, Bro," I said. "Good luck. Get Peach back safely."

"Will do. See you when I get back—I'll tell you all about it!"

"Okeydokey. See you then."

I hung up and then punched the nearest wall in frustration. There goes Mario on another adventure, while I'm stuck here. Yes, I could use my skills to protect the MK. Yes, I can maintain some stability while Mario's gone. But for God's sakes, doesn't Mario realize that his lone-wolf mentality can get him killed? Doesn't he realize how much I worry about him when he goes off on this quest and that quest? Doesn't he know that I want to help him and protect him against enemies who want him dead?

Does he—does he even care?

I love my Big Bro, I really do. However, what I don't love is being constantly locked out of the loop. I'm barely recognized as it is—the Toads stumble over my name or simply refer to me as "Mario's little brother" or "Green Mario". Need I remind them that I don't look anything like Mario? But—I got my mind off of all that by cooling my heels and keeping the wheels of the MK turning, doing a few plumbing jobs, and when a few Toad retainers thanked me for my help and assured me that they'd take it from here, I headed home and took a cool, refreshing shower.

Daisy's schedule is too crammed for a visit right now, so I called her on my new cell phone. She sounded so happy to see me—and also stressed. We were both stressed, and what better time to release it than now? This was the first time I've—coupled—with someone over the phone, but it was so easy. I took off my clothes, lay on my bed, applied a few pumps of lotion to my hands and began talking sultrily to Daisy, telling her of the steamy and naughty things I wished we could do together right now as I caressed my Shroom. Daisy, for her part, gave as good as she got, talking about how I had a magical touch and how she loved the things I could do with my mouth and my tongue, leaving no detail untouched as she described what she imagined me doing to her. I heard her getting excited as she told me how she was currently visualizing me planting kiss after kiss on her breasts before wrapping my lips around them and sucking and flicking my tongue over each nipple, how her legs would be balanced on my shoulders while I—