Unwritten: Diary of a Lean Green Plumber

Well, The World Didn't End

26 January 2012

MK

Dear Diary,

Where to begin?

That infernal turtle is at it again, snatching Peach every Tuesday and Friday. I think he's pretty upset that she tried to escape the last time he had her. Surprisingly, he hasn't increased his security measures because of it. It's like he wants her to try and escape. Like he wants us to infiltrate his castle and fight him. There's no doubt about it—he wants the MK under his control and Peach as his queen, but he also likes p—ing me and Mario off.

And when we make our triumphant return, it's Mario, Mario and more Mario. I try not to let it bother me the way it used to, knowing what happened nearly five years ago, but it still hurts. And I guess that Mario is so swept up in the hoopla that he forgets I'm there, too. He vouches for me later, of course, but it does little to lessen the impact.

We've grown, in a spiritual sense, in the two decades we've spent protecting the MK and its ruler. But Mario's shadow has also grown, covering me entirely. Just when I think I've stepped out, I'm pulled back in. That's why I linger outside after the rescue missions, enjoying the cool breeze and the feel of the soft grass beneath me as I lay on my back, gazing at the sky. If it's nighttime when we get back, I study the stars and watch the fireflies come out and dance. My frustration simmers down when I see them, reminding myself to remember those little lights in my life and to play the grateful game. And once I've completely calmed down, I head inside the castle for some cake and other goodies.

Josh has remodeled his gym. The cardio machines now have audio ports for Android and iPhones and sleeker displays. He's not trying to compete with the gym in the MK; he just wants to keep up with the changing times. I'm in that gym almost every day of the week, sweating out this thing and that thing that's bugging me. Sometimes, I'm on that spin bike for so long that Josh has to tap me on the shoulder and let me know that he's locking up for the day. Luckily, Julian and Jackie's gym is now open 24/7, with its employees working in rotating shifts.

Good thing, too. Because Roland Butter is really getting on my nerves. He's not letting this go, continuing to insist that I have a romantic interest in his wife. Several times a day, he's ranting at me over the phone, telling me to stay away from Grace. He's tried to confront me in public, and when I refuse to take the bait, he persists. He's even spread rumors about me on social media. And all the while, Super Princess Grace, bless her heart, keeps forgiving and forgiving and forgiving, shouldering the burden and trudging on, gently but firmly telling her hubby to calm the [bleep] down and back the [bleep] off. But a day will come when Roland will push things to far, and his wife will have to put her foot down—that's definitely certain.

I vent about Roland to my friends, and Grace vents about her spouse to her friends, too. When we can, we vent to each other. There's a flash in her green eyes whenever I see her, a sure sign that Roland is touching a nerve that shouldn't be touched. He's supposed to love his son, but lately, he's put poor Gavin on the back burner. Family outings and trips to the amusement park? It was a miracle if they lasted an hour without a kerfuffle. If that man sees the slightest thing pertaining to me, like something green, nothing else matters to him anymore. Grace has threatened to banish him to the couch numerous times, and she tells me that next time, she's actually going to do it.