Unwritten: Diary of a Lean Green Plumber

Just Luigi Things

5 February 2001

MK

Dear Diary,

Once again, my bro went on an exciting journey! He and Peach were on another one of their dates last night, and guess who crashed it? That's right—Koopa! Mario fought him as best as he could, but Koopa mercilessly beat him and sent him flying out of a window. Then, he pulled a little "all your base are belong to us" stunt on Peach by taking over her castle! Mario phoned me early this morning to bring me up to speed on everything. I wished him good luck before hanging up and going about my day.

Once again, he went alone. It's so unfair! If I'd been there last night, then Mario would've had a better chance against Koopa! But there he goes again, treating me like a kid brother who can't take care of myself, even watching me hold my own in Smash. Ugh. Best not be too bitter about it, because Mario has his reasons.

Better are the carefree days, when we play sports like golf and tennis and go to parties. But these days are in short supply, as Koopa's truces with us are briefer and briefer. His invasions occur two days a week now. That's time Mario and I could've spent eradicating a nasty clog or fixing a leaky faucet or tuning up a sink or a toilet. And after everything's said and done, everything, as always, goes to Mario. Sigh.

I'm gonna go get some rest. Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow.

Luigi

5 March 2001

MK

Dear Diary,

I was still a little steamed when I woke up, so I handled it the way I always did—I danced. Clad in nothing but peppermint-stripe socks and a pair of workout pants, I spent the morning angrily dancing about my room, the morning programs on mute, the stereo at high volume. Everyone was at work, or on their way to work, anyway, so it wasn't as if I was disturbing anyone. It was a beautiful day, so I had my curtains open, the sunlight pouring in as I continued to dance like my life depended on it. I think a few straggling Toads noticed, but I don't think they were disturbed—just envious.

After I'd calmed down a bit, I dressed and headed for work. My clients had a lot to say about my performance at the Smash tournament, and that's how I found out that the affair had been televised. They all said that I was a better fighter than Mario, and that if we were pitted against one another again, then they'd root for me. Their remarks further quelled my bad mood, because I knew they weren't just trying to butter me up. They asked me if there would be another Smash tournament, and I honestly replied that I had no way of knowing. Master Hand said he was planning another one, but putting the first one together must've taken time, resources and money. And since he said he wanted to invite more people...

"I really hope they do, though," I'd always tell them, and they'd beam and say that if there's a second one, then they'd tune in to watch all of my matches. Their commitment warms my heart.

After I closed up shop for the day, I went to Josh's gym. Julian was manning it alongside Josh; father and son made the perfect team. Speaking of Jules, he finally earned his college degree and invited me to his and Jackie's commencement ceremony. Jackie's doing fine, too, as she's recently applied for a position at the gym. Jules is thinking of adding an exercise studio, where they could hold classes like step, yoga and Zumba. Zumba—that would be pretty nice. I do love to dance.