Dolan Imagines ♛

•bee sting 2 ~ E

Self harm mention warning ⚠️
Sad.
—
* y/ns POV*

Words on paper can't heal me
Not that quickly.
The sharp words you used to spit at me, Ethan, their tattooed.
I am branded by the monstrosities you called me.
No laser removal available, no fast pass. Time will heal my scars from your vicious actions.

The drink flushed out the hurt.
A celebration of my freedom.
Of being treated humanely.
You were always good with your words.
You slashed me open
And stitched me back together, loosely, like a doctor with no PhD - with your praises and symphonic sympathies. I believe it. Lapped it up like a dog.
Little did I know I'd been barking for the bone. Barking for the help I needed. Barking for the love I wanted - that you always denied.

You held a special place in my heart Ethan.
But now, when I peer into the dark cave with our memories plastered to the walls. I see torture, abuse. Hatred, disrespect. Everything you had for me.
Once it was bright.
Once it reminded me of the tellietubbies land - child like memories. Carefree. a windows background, ripe green grass and daisies. Happiness. Memories. Pure love. Love in general.
Hell is my new recognition
Dark and fiery - your burning passion to see my pain that you inflicted.
I thought
That you loved me.

Turns out you loved everything but.

Yes. Pain became comforting.
Because it's all I knew Ethan!
Pain was all you ever gave me.
Even when you weren't hurdling insults, or hurdling your fist to my face - I saw the desire for pain in your eyes.
It grew bigger, hotter, every day.

Now I'm hurdling my hatred at you.
Now I'm not afraid of your markings.
I escaped.
Narrowly.
Everything you did consumed me.
The insults whispered the luring bribes to slash my own "fair" skin. They told me it would hurt less than your tyrannic nature.
The constant reminder.
The lines I read between everyday, that recount the numerous hurt you engraved into me.

What did I do, Dolan.
What did I do that made you despise me, your own girlfriend - your supposed lover?
I'm sorry for whatever it was
Not sorry for you
Sorry for the fact I could've prevented my heartbreak.
Prevented the crushing burn you imposed on me when you spat your spiteful songs.

I was in love with you.
For sometime
But with each hit, but love seemed to fade.
My love was indirectly proportional to my fear :
As love faded, fear grew.
The countless sleepless nights
The few I did sleep: crying softly into my pillow.

My pillow didn't hit me when I tried to talk.

Yes. My heart was - is - o so fragile.
I trusted you,
Placed my heart to you
And you let it rip
Rip into a million pieces
Each word slashing away
Each hit making me feel sick, as I feel my heart breaking
That I trusted you with
Such misplaced,
Oh boy, i was so myopic
I could see warning signs too, Ethan. But not like yours.
My warning sign was the first punch
But then
U stitched me back together - my slashed heart.
With sorries, and I love you's, and make up sex saying how much you didn't mean it.
I wanted to believe you
So stupidly
I did.
I thought you were all I could ever ask for - and more.
Oh how far from the truth
Almost laughable

You're like a magician.
But far from magical
How did you hide it from Grayson?
He never suspected
His blind eye turned, like yours
But I know if Grayson had known, this wouldn't have happened. No escalation
But who am I, a meer girlfriend, to tell someone their twin is like this
You had every excuse
"What's the mark by your eye?"'
"She was playing sport"
It changed each time
Keep me on my toes eh?
Now I can relax
Every exhales breathes out the memories of your actions.
Free

I'm getting married next month.

And you're not invited.
Let's hope this man is the opposite - and doesn't feel the need to strike me when I go to speek.
"I do" not accept your apology.
Lose my address.
Lose the memories.
Cos that's what I'm trying to do.
You are nothing to me now.

You haven't changed, Ethan Dolan. Pen ink bleeds -

Just like my wrists.

-when tears fall on it.

Every letter in tact.
You have not changed.

It's nothing like a bee sting.
It's a slaughtered stab in the chest.

With deepest wishes of never hearing from you again,
Y/N