His Yasmina [Completed]

Chapter 32-Butterflies

Jasmine couldn't look at the monitor as the doctor pushed the ultrasound apparatus against her protruding belly. Her face was turned and it took all her strength not to cry. The room was dark, the walls appearing grey in the small room as she lay on her back, her shirt lifted and her pants slightly pushed down. The gel was cold when it made direct contact with her skin and the pressure of the probe made her want to scream. She bit her wrist to keep her scream contained.

Five months into her pregnancy and she finally found the nerve to schedule an appointment to see a gynecologist. As much as she didn't care about her well being, and as much as she wanted to deny a baby grew within her, she could not ignore the needs of the innocent life growing inside her. She needed to make sure everything was okay and the fetus was striving.

The video screen was to her right and her head was turned to the left, refusing to look at her baby.

"Have you been able to feel any movements?" The doctor asked.

"It sometimes feels like butterflies are fluttering." Jasmine answered meekly.

Doctor Nash smiled. "Thats good news. In todays visit, I will be viewing the baby's development, movement, breathing and heart rate. You will be listening to your baby's heart for the first time and any sounds of movement–"

Jasmine panicked. "Please, I don't want to know anything. All I ask is you confirm if the baby is doing well. Please."

I cannot bear listening to the sound of his/hers heart, I don't want to see black and white pictures of a head, little toes or fingers. I don't want to know the sex either, she wanted to add but she didn't want to sound like a heartless mother that didn't want her child. She was in denial, yes, but she couldn't bear knowing more information about the fatherless child growing inside of her.  The less she saw the less she had to accept. 

All she cared about if the baby was healthy.

"Are you positive?"  The doctor asks, her tone full of disbelief and lifted the probe from her skin.  "Are you alright Ms. St. James?  I can stop if you need a moment. . .or if you'd like someone here with you we can easily reschedule your appointment for another time."

Jasmine turned her head and shook her quickly, hastily wiping a lone tear that escaped from the corner of her eye.  "I do not need anyone here.  I'm fine.  I'd rather not know the sex nor do I want to listen to anything."  She insisted.

The doctor watched her oddly.  The woman was baffled by her behavior.  Jasmine was sure no one had made such a request.  Most mothers couldn't wait to listen to the heartbeat of their unborn child.  Some even asked to keep the sex of the child a surprise until the birth.

She couldn't cope with knowing more about her unborn baby.  The more she knew, the more her heart would break and the farther she would drown in her misery.  She couldn't feel weaker than she already did.  Carrying her mistake, and the proof of that mistake in her womb for nine months was enough torture.  Moving on from what happened to her would be impossible.  Her wounds would never heal knowing she brought an innocent little life into her dark life. 

This was supposed to be one of the happiest times of her life but the truth of it is, she despised herself and her reckless heart.  The innocent life she carried that didn't deserve her as a mother.  The innocent baby in her womb didn't deserve to be conceived under the circumstances that occurred.   This child just didn't deserve a mother,  but a father as well. 

"Please continue."  Jasmine whispered, bracing her hands along the edges of the bed and staring straight ahead. 

With a reluctant sigh, the doctor resumed her task.  Any sounds were silenced and the doctor turned the monitor facing away from Jasmine's sight.  The only sounds she heard was the tapping of a keyboard and clicks every now and then as the doctor took the baby's measurements and pictures.  Although the procedure was non-invasive, and quite simple, the constant movement of the probe against her sensitive abdomen made her skin crawl over the course of the thirty minutes of so she was on her back.