The Demon I Let Ruin Me

SEVENTEEN

I wake up, feeling surprisingly refreshed considering my ex boyfriend was buried 6 feet underground last night. Part of me wishes we hadn't skipped the rest of the funeral. For Harry's sake, he needs to mourn his brother. As much as he says doesn't need to, I know deep down, somewhere, Harry is upset about his passing.

I hate that I keep thinking about him. But I guess its hard to forget someone who's given you a lot to remember. And Edward has given me more than enough, even when I think I'm over him, hes on my mind.

The smell of French toast fills my nose and makes my stomach growl. The most I've had in a week is hot coco and the marshmallows in it. I think today I'll actually eat. I walk out to the kitchen and see Harry cooking away. It makes me so happy to see him in my kitchen making food. And I can't help but to think that maybe one day it'll be our kitchen. I don't know what I want to do right now. I do know that I appreciate Harry so much for everything he has done and my feelings for him are strong. They have been for a long time, even before everything with Edward but I know I don't want to jump into anything right away. Until my heart is in the right place. I don't want to be with Harry if I'm hung up on Edward still.

"Hi." I say to him and he turns, his smile instantly appears as he sees me and I can't help but to match it.

"How'd you sleep, Kay?" he asks, as he makes our food.

"Good actually." I answer as I sit down, did he just call me Kay? It's cute. Sleeping in his arms felt so nice and waking up to him still being here feels even better. "You?"

"Great. Sleeping next to you makes me really happy." he admits and turns to fully face me, placing a plate of French toast and eggs in front of me. "Mckayla, I know it's a little too soon for you to jump into anything. I wouldn't ever ask that of you but do you think, when the timing is right and you feel more like you, that you'd actually want to...." he trails, I know where he's going with this but I'll let him finish. "Want to go on a date? A proper date?" he finishes and I just smile.

"Of course Harry. I'd love that. You've been so amazing this last week. I couldn't ask for a better therapist." I tell him and he smiles. He really has been so great in being exactly what I need when I need it. I think I'd honestly be lost without him.

Most of the day is spent with us hiding in my apartment, watching movies and talking about anything besides Edward and I love Harry for trying his best to keep my mind away from him. And most importantly him trying to keep me fed, asking me if I'm hungry every hour. Most of the time I say yes just to ease his worry.

Harry leaves for a short while to grab himself some clothes and I'm nervous that he won't come back the whole time. That is, until he opens the door and I see him with a plastic bag and an over night bag.

"I got you some stuff." he places the bag on the counter and I pull out the stuff. Ice cream, chocolates and a 6 pack of romance movies.

"Why?" I ask gesturing the weird array of stuff.

"Because right now, you're going through a break up and that's what girls need during one, that and a girlfriend to stick by them." he makes a snap gesture, imitating what people think girls do. I wish that's all this was, a break up. I wish I could sit here and believe that Edward and I just didn't work out and we're better off as friends or even coworkers but we're not and he's not. And this is so much more than two people deciding they're better off as friends. But none of that is important, I believe Harry thinks that I've gotten to a point where I can just chalk this off as a break up and I hope I can eventually. The wound is still fresh but the movies and ice cream really help better me. And him of course, being glued to my side.
I grab the pack of movies and pull out the notebook, I need to find movies that are the farthest from Edward and I. I love the way Noah and Allie's relationship is. It's always been something that I would hope to live up to and I always hoped that one day I would kiss someone in the rain.

"I want all of you, forever. You and me." I copy the words as they are being spoke and I reveal in the way that Noah begs for her back. He doesn't care what anyone else thinks. All he wants is Allie. I wish I had a Noah. I look up to Harry as I think that thought, his hand just barely touching mine. His eyes glued to the TV although I know he doesn't care that much for this movie. He tries so hard for me, even before Edward's bullshit. I hate that I have the pain in my chest still for that dead man. He's dead. Edward is no longer on this planet anymore. My hope for him to burst through the door is shattered. I let out a few tears and hope Harry doesn't notice. But he does.

"What's wrong?" he asks, moving his hand to mine for comfort.

"The movie is just so good." I half lie, the movie is good but I'm upset that I miss Edward. I've made so much progress in the past week and I can't believe I'm sitting here thinking about him when I have Harry being the best possible person he can be for me. He isn't trying to touch me or get in my pants or push me to be with him. He just genuinely wants me to be comfortable and okay. I love him. I really do. I don't exactly in what way but I know the feelings I have are of love.