𝕥𝕖 𝕒𝕞𝕠ღ // 𝕤𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕝 𝕥𝕠 𝔽𝕦𝕔𝕜 𝔹𝕦𝕕𝕕𝕚𝕖𝕤 (ON HOLD)

thirty-six

It was bright, such bright light shining through my eyelids causing me to stir awake. Everything shot pain through my body as I moved, especially my legs and my right arm. My eyes opened and my consciousness started to come back to me. One by one my brain started processing everything that was going on around me.

I gasped, my lungs beginning to work again but somehow blocked? The air was going into my lungs at a different pace than what I was trying to grasp it. The loud and continuous beeping that I heard before I went to sleep returned and it bounced around my head, creating an instant pain. I began to panic, struggling and moving around to try and do something-

My eyes were wide as I tried to look around but the tube down my throat wasn't allowing that. Suddenly, the door was opened and people ran to my side. They started to hold me down and say things I couldn't understand since I was full of adrenaline and now in fight-or-flight mode. All I could focus on was the counterintuitive breathing that was both being done for me, and being done by me.

The doctors and nurses pressed me down harder and I assume they did something because I felt my eyelids drop and within seconds, I didn't have any urge to fight or even stay awake.

It was dark when I woke again, this time without the tube down my throat. I got scared as I opened my eyes but I soon recognized the absent tube and my own breathing patterns. The room was silent, except for a continuous beep filling the air. I shifted again, ignoring the pain in my limbs as I moved fully onto my back again. My eyes shifted and ran over the lights lining the ceiling, then around the blueish-white walls surrounding me. The window had the curtains pulled back, revealing the sun setting on the horizon. The pink light cast over the room and myself, making my tan skin glow a dull pink as I looked down.

My body hurt a lot. Both of my legs were sore and I definitely felt some soreness between my legs. My right arm had an IV in it, two things plugged into it. I couldn't tell you what the clear liquids were. I recognized the small nature of my belly, seeing that it wasn't twice the size of me anymore. My baby.

I was able to look at the plain walls for a split second, my eyes wide with fear as I thought about my baby. That was before someone passed by the clear glass and looked in, their eyes widening at how I was awake. His expression turned into one that a therapist would use, one that said calm down "I am very glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

I didn't know how to really tell him I was in a lot of pain. I moved my arm up with a grimace and motioned to write on something. He nodded, taking the folder he was looking at and handed me a pen, moving the folder so I could write on the back. I took the pen and wrote a very shaky My body hurts a lot. The doctor read it and nodded, looking over me as I painfully put my arm back to my side. He moved to the side and switched something that made clicks as it moved.

"That should kick in soon." He put his arms to his side and smiled at me. "Let me grab those nurses so we can get you up to speed." My throat was in too much pain for me to even try and talk, which left no room for me to protest and ask where the fuck my baby was. A few agonizing minutes passed and the door opened, showing the doctor comes in with the doctor who performed my surgery, followed by a few nurses who smiled almost sympathetically at me.

"Alessandra! I'm very glad to see you awake. How do you feel?" The doctor who performed the surgery had a pen and a notepad ready to hand to me. I shook my head and took them, writing out words in a more hurried fashion. Where is my baby? That's all I said. She nodded at my question and turned to look over my monitors as if she was checking my vitals before responding. "Does your head hurt?" I nodded, still feeling the dull throbbing from when I first woke up. She nodded shortly.

She came around to sit on the end of the bed. Before she started talking, I remembered everything. The blood, the birth, my baby... "I'm not sure how much you remember, but you came into the ER carrying a baby without a heartbeat. We went into emergency surgery to try and recover your son's life." I felt my throat tighten and my breath hitch. Nate and I had a beautiful baby boy. We had a son. My eyes watered as I looked at her, a tear falling quickly onto my cheek. "We were successful, we were able to get a heartbeat and keep him stable."