"All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe
Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again"
The song for this chapter is "Breathe Again" by Sara Bareilles
-Her-
Having more time to write had been the only good thing to happen to her in weeks. Her last day of work was 6 days ago and since then she hadn't stopped writing in her notebook. She used one of her trusty gel pens, the elegant feather pen had been gently placed in its box then hastily shut away in a drawer. Everything she saw, everywhere she went, she saw him. Writing was her outlet. Sometimes she would have preferred to run far away, but that wasn't a luxury afforded to her. Besides, that's what he did. No need for both people to run.
After two weeks of wallowing in her misery, she started purposefully going to all of their special places, maybe to test herself, maybe to provoke any emotion other than a dull and constant sorrow. She went to their rocks by the water near her neighborhood first. She was forced to relive many memories at the agency and her house; the former she had recently escaped, the latter she couldn't escape. The rocks were convenient to get to, and if she was honest, held some of the not so good memories of them. At first she didn't feel much of anything, she had seen those rocks many times before she met him. One by one the images came flooding in:
His hands pulling her in to him when she tried to get away from all that he was confronting her with.
His fully belly laugh when she told him she wasn't attracted to him.
The way he picked her up and whirled her around after their successful commercial shoot.
Eating chocolate and crying a river of tears after he called her "the other one" and refused to believe her.
How his eyes glowed when he told her they would just get married.
She cried so hard after the last memory that she scared an elderly teyze sitting on a nearby bench. After she put herself together and walked home, she filled a whole notebook with her words. She wasn't sure if she was writing her novel, her personal journal, or just a jumble of words, but she felt better when she was done. The catharsis was addictive.
Today she made up her mind to go to his cabin on the outskirts of the city. She took her red moped out of storage just for the occasion. The weather was becoming milder as Spring approached, and would make her task easier. Part of her wanted to prove that she could drive it without his help. The cabin was far from home, the route included busy roads and rough terrain, and the sensible part of her recognized the potential self-destructive behavior. She decided to press on, only wearing the helmet and none of the body pads just to spite him.
She managed to get there without incident. It took three times longer than if she had taken a taxi and she got honked at the majority of the way there, but all's well that ends well. Many of the memories from the cabin were happy ones, and she wasn't sure how she would react. As she sat on a stump near the fire pit she surprised herself by smiling. She retrieved her notebook and began writing. Happy thoughts flowed from her pen for hours until she stopped to realize the sun was setting. Her mom was going to kill her. It would probably take even longer to get home in the dark. She was being careless, but deep down she knew that this was the happiest she'd been in weeks and it was worth it.
It was fully dark now and the going was slow. She wasn't lost, she had a photographic memory after all. Driving in low light had never been her specialty, and balancing the bike was proving difficult. The roads near the cabin weren't very busy, but each car that passed seemed bigger and their headlights brighter. The road seemed to narrow as she rounded a steep curve. Suddenly large lights burned her eyes from way too close. She lost her balance. Everything happened in slow motion, but so fast that she couldn't focus on any one detail very long.
The sensation of falling.
The sound of a large truck driving at high speed.
The cold feeling of wet grass.
The stars above her becoming a fuzzy blur.
The amber pendent glowing hot on her chest.
YOU ARE READING
It's all because of you
Fanfiction"But I would rather feel the sting Than never to have felt a thing I'll always know you were the one To rip me from the ground"
