It's all because of you

This is the last time

"This is the last time I'm asking you this, 
Put my name at the top of your list, 
This is the last time I'm asking you why, 
You break my heart in the blink of an eye"

The song for this chapter is "The Last Time" by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody. I love that it's a duet and the man and woman each have different intentions, a different meaning to their words. It's hopeful yet final. Definitely give it a listen.

-Her-

She heard her phone ping just as she was getting comfortable on the sofa. Her dad went to the store to take over for Muzo and close up shop. Her mom and sister were down in the kitchen making dinner. She still looked around to make sure no one was there before she checked her message. She had a pretty good idea who it was from and her family definitely wouldn’t approve.

I know you’re tired and I hope you are resting. I just want to talk to you when you feel up to it.

Can

She didn’t know how to feel about his text. It was so... different? It was a perfectly normal thing to say, but she expected something different from him. She would have expected him to say that he was parked in front of her house and he was going to come in and talk to her NOW no matter what it took. Or that he was headed back to the Balkans the next day, so get well soon. Or how foolish and reckless it was to try to drive the bike without him, or almost anything but what he actually said.

He was showing concern but wasn’t being overbearing. He was letting her know he wanted to see her, but letting her choose if that’s what she wanted. This was a new Can. Or maybe he finally realized how royally he screwed up and was groveling. Good. He should grovel a little.

She heard her sister coming up the steps and quickly hid her phone in the cushion next to her.

“Sanem?” Leyla peeked her head around the corner. ”Osman and Ayhan and CeyCey want to come visit. Are you up for it if they come to dinner?”

“Sure. I’d like that.” she smiled at her sister.

“Tamam.” Leyla went back down to help their mother.

After dinner all her friends sat surrounding her in the sitting room. Mevkibe set out tea and cookies for them but no one was really partaking.

“We’re happy you are home and recovering. Let me know if there is anything we can do for you okay?” Osman was speaking for himself and Ayhan she knew.

“Thank you, Abi.” she secretly liked when he did the whole protective big brother thing. It’s what he was to her after all.

Ayhan didn’t say much. She was still crying a little and leaning on her shoulder while holding her non-injured hand.

CeyCey had given her a big hug before they sat down in the living room. She didn’t know what she did to deserve these people in her life but she truly cherished them.

“Somebody better eat these or Anne will be upset.” she took a big bite out of a cookie to break the tension and sadness in the room.

It felt good to talk and laugh again. Why hadn’t she done this sooner? The truth was that she probably hadn’t been ready until now. Everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it?

Ayhan moved so she could prop her leg up on a pillow. She cuddled up on the window seat with CeyCey. Leyla was perched on the arm of the chair Osman was in. It was like old times, but now with CeyCey. And Leyla was engaged to Osman. Things changed, they were growing up, pairing up. She felt the loss of him again very suddenly.

Leyla noticed the change in her demeanor and wrapped things up. She mouthed a “thank you” to her big sister over Ayhan’s shoulder as she was hugging her goodbye. She waved to Osman and blew CeyCey and friendly kiss.

She tried to put him out of her mind while her mother and sister helped her get ready for bed. She didn’t risk getting her phone out until after her dad kissed her head goodnight and shut the lights off. The living room felt a little odd and empty with everyone gone, but she was thankful for the space to think.

She read his message over and over again. Two sentences shouldn’t mean so much to her. What would her family think? And her friends? The people who were there for her when he wasn’t. Part of her felt guilty for still loving him after everything he put her through. The other part knew she could never stop loving him, that she would love him for the rest of her life.

Now she had to choose a path. Should she let him go, or should she risk it all and fight for them again? Take the smooth route and keep her loved ones happy and her heart walled up? Or take the dangerous rocky path back to him.

With her heart pounding in her chest she typed a reply and pressed send.

END NOTE:
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