“I've been waiting for you
To come around and tell me the truth
'Bout everything that you're going through
My girl you've got nothing to lose”
The song for this chapter is “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra. Every time I listen to it, it puts the biggest smile on my face. Toward the end of the chapter I listened to “I’m Happy Today” which is a beautiful instrumental song by Mark Isham and it is from one of my favorite movies, “Life As A House.”
-Him-
He was using what little was left of his willpower to keep from touching her face. She gave him both of her hands to hold, but he didn’t know if that was helping or hurting his endeavor.
“Hi.” she was trying to start the conversation.
Well, are you gonna help her out?
“Hi.” he squeezed her hands. “I missed seeing your face today.”
“Oh.” she sounded surprised, or abashed.
“This is better.” seeing her, touching her.
“Yes, it is.” she was still smiling at him. That’s a good sign, right?
“Can we talk? Or is it too late?” he mentally kicked himself. “Sorry, do you need to sleep?” he moved as if to get up.
“No!” she pulled back on his hands to make him stay where he was. “I mean, yes. We can talk. Just, quietly.”
Having her pull him back down next to her bolstered his confidence. He could do this. He could open his heart to her. She wanted him here.
“ Tamam .” he turned so he could look straight in her eyes. He took a moment just to look at her face and take a breath. “I’m sorry.”
He dove in head first. He spent enough time without her to know that he didn’t want to spend one more second of his life waiting. It was still her choice if she wanted to accept him. She had every right to reject him and move on, but he hoped if he tried hard enough, bared his soul, that she would return to him.
He told her that he acted impulsively and let his anger lead him astray. That his anger was selfish. He hadn’t spared a minute to think of how she might feel. He told her he understood why she did what she did because he would do anything to help her, to protect her. He admitted that he reacted exactly the way she feared and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He apologized for throwing Polen in her face like he had. He never had any intention to reunite with her and he only agreed to her job offer because he wanted to run away.
She was very stoic up until that point. It was either hearing him talk about his ex-girlfriend or the running away that finally made her cry. He wanted to wipe her tears away, but she was clutching his hands like a lifeline, so he squeezed them in return and continued.
He promised, swore , that he would never leave like that again. She probably didn’t believe him and he really didn‘ t blame her. He told her that as long as he lived he wouldn’t forgive himself for not being there for her.
Lastly, he assured her that her scent wasn’t the only thing that was special about her. Yes it was what drew him to her, how he recognized her, but it wasn’t why he fell in love with her.
She looked up at him after he said that. Like she was shocked to hear the word “love” in regard to his feelings for her.
The look on her face sent a spike of pain right through his heart. He had made her doubt. He vowed to himself right then and there to spend the rest of his life making sure she knew how much he loved her.
“I never once stopped loving you, Sanem .” he couldn’t stop himself and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I was just an idiot for a while.”
He had tried to lighten the mood with that last line, but it didn’t work. This conversation, this moment was too important, too sacred , for anything to break it. They looked in each other’s eyes and saw all the truths left unsaid.
She broke their gaze to wrap her arms around his neck and pull herself into him. Her “I missed you” was muffled in his jacket collar. But he knew what she meant. She missed him after he left. She missed him while they were in the same city but separated by circumstances. She missed talking to him and touching him. He knew all this because it was how he felt too.
YOU ARE READING
It's all because of you
Fanfic"But I would rather feel the sting Than never to have felt a thing I'll always know you were the one To rip me from the ground"
