Pumped-Up Kicks (A Logan Lerman Story)

Chapter 54

Logan's P.O.V.

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"One day at a time." I answered her question and still held her in the water. She was right. It was cold as hell.

"Thats not an answer." She hopped out of my grip and splashed me. I splashed her back. "Tell me why."

"It might be a lot for you." I looked down. We were chest deep. I remembered the last time we were here. She glowed in the non moonlight. "When is everyone coming back?" I wanted an exact countdown because once all the cockblockers showed up it was game over. I would refrain back into my glass bubble. Too scared to say anything to her. Too scared to smile or laugh. Too scared to break the touch barrier. Too afraid to get my ass handed to me publicly. Stop it Logan. You need to stop. Before you start crying.

"Logan,why are you crying?" Shit. Her soft hand rested on my jaw. "What just happened? Are you okay?"

"No."

"Whats the matter?" I looked into her now more-grey-than-blue eyes. She searched deeply into my overflowing ones for an answer. Telly couldn't find one. "Tell me whats wrong." I took her hand off my face and looked back to the shore.

"Lets just get out of the water first." I dragged her out and threw a towel on. I tried to make the tears stop falling but the more I thought about it the faster they traveled down my face. What was I gonna tell her? I'm crying because I'm a scared little pussy and can't get my shit together.

"Are you gonna tell me now?" Her small voice made its way past my cluttered thoughts.

"Chantel." Her name sounded weird coming off my tongue. "Telly,I was thinking. When this is all over,when our poor excuse of friends come back, we can't see each other anymore." It broke my heart having to tell her this.

"What? Why?"

"Because. I can't be like this forever. You have Jared and if I even tried so much as saying 'hi' he would kill me. So I'm sorry Chantel I can't hang out with you anymore." I back away from her.

"Are you breaking up with me?" She looked more broken then me. "But what about... everything we had.You just want to go back to before?"

"I don't want to. But I have to. Trust me I'll make this right. Eventually." I looked down to my sand covered toes.

" What about your premiere. You don't want me to go to that now do you? I get it. I'll just give them to Jen or-" I cut her off. My lips reached hers making my intentions clear. I wanted her more than anything. But I couldn't fuck her up anymore than I already had. I squeezed her towel covered hips tightly. Stop it Logan. My subconcious reminded me. I couldn't lose control especially not now. I let go of her.

"Don't worry about the premiere. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." Our foreheads touched. "Come on I need to get you back home." We both got dressed and we were back in her flat in an instant. I laid her down om her bed. Her arms seemed permantly hooked around my neck. "Telly. You can let go now."

"No. I can't." Her voice was broken like she was crying. "Why are you doing this to me? Don't you love me?"

"Love hurts sometimes." I whispered in her ear before letting go of her waist. "It'll get better. There's just some things I need to take of. We just can't be together for now." I felt her heartbeat through her shirt. Her touch ignited me. Must be the whole mate-wolfy connection thing. After what felt like forever being in a headlock, she let go and my heart broke even more looking into her eyes. I traced over the heart shaped scar that I gave her. "I have to go now okay?"

"No not yet. Please just stay. It feels better when you're here." Her nails dug into my skin. There was bound to be marks. Fuck it. I could stay until she was asleep. And so I did. 5 minutes. 10. 15. 30. An hour passed until she was completely knocked out. Cautiously I let go of her and as silently as possible,I left. I hope I didn't regret it.

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Telly's P.O.V.

I was woken up by a surprise visitor and I damn near jumped out of my skin. Their warm lips found my forehead. "Good Morning my Tellynator. Happy New Years eve!" Jase's too happy for right now voice rang in my ears.

"You're supposed to be in Cancoon for a few more days." I rubbed my eyes and took him in. He was orange. Literally. "Why are you orange?"

"I was working on my tan. I remember when I used to be white." He stretched and shook my shoulders. Once again his glasses weren't on his face. "Oh I have a question? Which Jase is better? Jase 2.0 or Jase ios 8."

"We've been over this. Jase ios 8 will always be my favourite Jase. He climbed in next to me making sure not to crush me.

"Remie likes 2.0. But thats her. I really like her Auburn hair. You did a good job."

"Thanks. Can we not talk about her? Its all we talk about now and its really annoying." I ran a lazy hand through my still sorta damp hair. I took in the memories from last night. Clearly he wasn't here. I lowered my eyes from his in sadness.

"Okay. I've got an idea. Lets go hit up.Logan's house." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"No I-I can't. I'm not allowed to see him yet." I was the first to break eye contact and twittled my thumbs in my lap. "He told me that we can't see each other anymore. Or not until he takes care of somethng. I just wish I knew what he means by that." I ended my spiel with a sigh. "I don't know what to do about him anymore Jase. I give up."

"But you can't give up. You and him belong together. You're his mate. You have to stay by his side for as long as you two live." He tried giving me encouragement.

"Then why is he pushing me away. And why do I feel like I'm the one who makes him miserable." I shed a few tears and pretty soon it was a downpour. My emotions inside perfectly matched the weather outside. Rainy. Gloomy. Sad. And upset. "Jase what do I do about Jared?"

"I don't know love. I just don't know. You should ask Remie. She gives the best ideas."

"Stop talking about fucking Remie for one damn hour. Please. I'm done hearing her name come from your mouth. I'm asking you for help and all that runs through your mind is Remie. No. If you can't think of anything else to talk about then don't say anything at all." I snapped on him. I was done hearing about his love. When can I win? When is it my turn?

"Okay." He climbed out of my bed and stood up. " If you're gonna be like that then don't talk to me." He looked hurt.

"Thats not what I meant. Jase you know what I meant."

"Do I?" His not glassed eyes crackled. "Look I'm sorry that you're in the place that you're in right now but don't rain on everyone elses parade. You don't always get what you want,princess."

"Oh tell me about it." I rolled my eyes and plopped down on my pillow. "Wake me up when September ends." My voice came out muffled as his fingers ran down my back.

"You'll miss your birthday. And mine. You can't sleep forever you know." When I looked at him his glasses appeared on his face.

"I know Jase. Just take it one day at a time."

(Not my best I know. Okay. So this is gonna be hella clichè but the end is near. I'm like so serious now. Oh yeah I started building a cast with my friend @marissa_clifford. Still stuck on who the hell is gonna be Jase. I love him. He's just a big ass load of sunshine and happiness and he's a fangirl. Lol. Typical Telly. Okay freaks thats pretty much it. I'll update soon. But as for now I'm off to write more.xxx.)