Sometimes the worst place you can be is your own head

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After spending the entire day on the boat we were all exhausted. Stopping at a local, fresh seafood market we picked up some things to take home and cook for dinner. Chad and Chris cooked dinner out on the grill while the rest of us took turns playing cornhole. After dinner the cornhole games continued but I decided to chill out on the hammock where Kirsten joined me.

Rocking back and forth on the hammock as the sun sunk below the horizon, I was practically asleep when Kirsten nudged me so she could climb out.

I opened an eye and saw Chris standing in front of me.

"Got room for me?" He asked.

"Always."

He carefully maneuvered his way onto the hammock pulling me into his arms. Goosebumps trickled up my arms from his warm hands on my cool skin.

"Someone got some sun today." He trailed a finger down my arm causing me to shiver. I was only in my bikini top and white cotton shorts and once the sun had disappeared the breeze felt cool.

"Are you cold?" He asked in my ear.

"Little bit." I snuggled closer to him. I turned to kiss his chest softly. I took my finger and traced the tattoo he had on his abdomen directly under his rib. It was our wedding date written numerically in a curvy script. It was the exact same one I had along my own rib. We had joked about getting tattoos to commemorate our marriage but when we had returned home from our honeymoon we decided to go ahead and do it. It wasn't my only tattoo, but it was my favorite.

"Whatcha thinking about?" He asked softly as we swayed back and forth in the hammock.

"Nothing." I closed my eyes again my fingertips still tracing over the tattoo. "Actually I'm thinking how much I like it here. I could live here."

Chris chuckled. "Do I have to worry about you running off with some Hamptons Billionaire?"

"Nah. I haven't seen any that I like."

"Really? What's your type? Maybe I could help."

"Tall, 6'0 at least. Light brown hair, beautiful blue eyes."

"Yeah, sounds like you have someone in mind. Kid got a name?"

"He does actually. It's Chris......Pine."

"Ha!" Chris let out a belly laugh. You think you're cute, don't you?"

"I've been told that before." I smiled.

"By who? Chris Pine?" He squeezed his arms around me.

I laughed with a yawn.

"Why don't we go to bed?" He suggested.

"You read my mind." I smiled up at him.



Sunday we spent the day at the beach. We played volleyball for awhile and when the boys started to get to competitive, I joined Hailee and Kirsten to lay out. We got back to the cottage in the late afternoon so we could all shower and then go out for a nice dinner on our last night.

We ate at a restaurant called The 1770 House which had a charming outdoor eating area and a menu where everything looked tempting. The evening was going perfect, we were having a fantastic time until desert.

"Mommy! It's Captain America!!" A little boy came rushing up to our table in excitement.

"I'm so sorry!" A young mother who was also holding a little girl who couldn't have been older than a year in arms reached out to pull the little boy back from our table.

"It's fine." Chris grinned widely waving it off. He turned to the little boy, "Hey buddy. What's your name?"

"Elijah." He said shyly.

"Well hi Elijah, it's nice to meet you." Chris stuck his hand out to shake the boys smaller one.

"Where's your shield?" Elijah asked peering around Chris's chair.

"Oh....well I had to leave it at home tonight. But don't tell anyone I'm here without it." He lowered his voice.

Elijah nodded his head seriously.

The baby in the woman's arms squealed.

"That's Charlotte." Elijah pointed at the little girl. "She's too little for superheroes." He explained.

We laughed and Chris signed a quick autograph for the family before waving at Charlotte who giggled and waved back happily.

"Wow Chris." Hailee leaned across the table. "I have to know how often that happens?"

"It's cause I don't have the beard." Chris rubbed his chin.

"Bree told him to shave it." Kirsten piped up with a laugh.

"That's not true!" I protested. "He had to shave for work anyway. I just suggested a change. I happen to find the scruff very sexy." I reached up and ran the back of my hand along his chin stubble.

"Well I'm impressed." Hailee continued. "You're going to be a great dad some day. You and Bree will have the cutest kids."

The table turned awkwardly quiet.

"What?" Hailee paused from taking a bite of food looking around the table. "What'd I say?"

Chris looked at me and I just looked down staring at my plate.

"Uhhh Bree had a miscarriage a few months ago." Chris said quietly.

"Oh my gosh. Bree. I'm so sorry. I'm officially the biggest ass. I am so sorry." She repeated.

"It's ok. You didn't know." I looked up forcing a sad smile.

"It was still a stupid thing to say. I wasn't thinking."

"It's really ok." I assured her.

I was quiet for the rest of the dinner and when we finally got back to the cottage I was relived.

Chris shut our bedroom door behind us and wasted no time. "Babe you ok?" He asked.

I nodded and grabbed my pj's from where I had folded them on the bed earlier in the day.

I was silent as I walked to the bathroom to change.

"Don't do this Bree." Chris pleaded. "Don't let it get to you."

"I'm fine." I Shut the bathroom door and changed quickly. Chris was already in bed when I returned, and I slipped into bed next to him. He reached out and pulled me towards him. He kissed my forehead.

"I'm never going to be able to make you a dad." I said quietly.

"What?" He shifted so he could look at me.

"I know you want to be a dad. You want kids one day. Hailee is right, you would be an amazing dad. But I can't give you that."

"I don't care." He said shaking his head.

"Yes you do. You deserve to have a chance to have children." I traced my finger along his abdomen tattoo like I had earlier that day.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just mean I'm broken. I want so badly to give you a family but I can't."

"You don't know that. We haven't talked with the doctors. There might be a way."

"Chris. I don't think I want to try again." I swallowed.

"......OK." He wrapped his arms around me but didn't say anything else before we drifted off to sleep.

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