Catch Me

11

11

I SHOULD BE MAD.

But I was not.

I should be mad at Ryan for kissing me and then left me hanging for months. He did not even call me or leave me a message after that. He completely left me and he thought it was okay for him to just re-appear in front of me and had dinner with me without saying anything related to that night's incident.

But I was not. Instead of being angry at him, I said yes to having dinner with him after a long day at work. I said yes to him having to send me home. I did not say anything about that night's incident. I did not require an explanation from him. I did not ask for reasons.

Because Ryan was my best friend of the world. He may do a lot of horrible things to me but I could not.

We joked around at his car more until I got out. Then he got out too, just to grip my wrist and as I turned around to face him, his expression changed. He looked guilty. He looked like he owed me a lot of things. And there, I knew it was time for us to have the talk.

It was almost midnight but I was suddenly not tired at all. So we sat down on the steps before the doorstep of my apartment. Few people were walking by the pathways in silent, minding their own business.

I waited for him to say something. I knew this was on both of us but I just wanted him to start since he had already started something he was not even sure he would be able to finish.

"I'm sorry..." He started softly.

"For what?" I said immediately, maybe sounding too eager.

Our expressions changed. There was tense between us, I could feel it and I was sure he could feel it too.

"I went back to Paris," He started but then, I shot him a look.

My heart was shattered knowing that he went back to Paris without telling me. He left me hanging all these months. One word for him: coward.

"I'm sorry, Jane," He looked at me. "I wish I could turn back the time and fix everything but I just... I was stunned and didn't know what to do. So I went back to Paris. But then, Tania was in my apartment, waiting for me."

"She asked for a second chance. I thought that was what I wanted so, we went back together," He closed his eyes and shook his head. He ran his fingers through his hair, making it even messier than before.

I could feel my heart just dropped to the pit of my stomach, hearing he went back together with Tania. I was not sure why I felt this way. Maybe Cassie was right after all. I started to develop feelings towards him.

"But things can't go back to where we used to," He told me. "Me and Tania... there's no sparks anymore. Whenever she's kissing me, all I can see is you."

I looked up at him, stunned hearing him say it. Suddenly memories hit. I still remembered the first moment when he kissed me on my lips. It was soft and gentle.

"I ended things with her, after three months," He said. "Jane," He turned to face me. "I'm so sorry for everything. I know I should've called you as soon as..."

"You kissed me," I boldly stated.

He sighed, "I don't know what came to me that night. It's just, you looked really beautiful and... I missed you so much... I hope I didn't ruin our friendship. I can't lose you."

Ouch. I just got friend-zoned.

I gapped, not knowing what to say but definitely I felt heartbreak. "I'm here," was all I could say.

————••————

I INVITED RYAN INTO MY APARTMENT.

We used to do this a lot when we were in high school. If he was hanging out with me at my house and it was already too late for him to go home, my mom would ask him to sleep over.

Somehow it felt weird asking him now but he did anyway. He sat on the couch awkwardly, somewhat waiting for me to say something but I immediately went to my room to get few pillows and a blanket.

Cassie must have slept already since she was nowhere to be found and her door was closed. Hopefully she would not get surprised, seeing Ryan as the first person in the morning.

When I got back to him, he was already taking his shoes off and unbuttoning his shirt. I fought the urge not to look at his chest, as my heart beat so fast.

I had no idea why my heart was beating faster.

I had already gotten used to seeing him half naked during high school and I never felt this way before. He slept half naked the last time he slept over my house.

"I didn't know you still sleep naked," I chuckled, putting the pillows and blanket on the couch.

He looked up to me with a smirk, "I don't want to surprise Cassie tomorrow morning, having a naked man sleeping in her living room. So, I'm just going to keep my shirt."

I sat down next to him, wanting to say something to him but I did not know what to say. I sighed, "Ryan..."

"Yeah?" He says, more like a whisper.

"I'd like to give it a try," I finally said. "I mean, us being together..." I said slowly with my head down, refusing to look him in the eye.

For a long time he did not say anything. I still had zero courage to look up and look him in the eye but as soon as he let go of a sigh, I immediately scoffed.

Clearing my throat, I said, "I'm sorry... It's stupid. Let's just forget what I said, okay?"

I stood up to get away from him, from an embarrassment, but then I could feel a grip on my wrist which pulled me back and when I blinked my eyes, I was already in his arms.

His left arm was around my waist while the other one was on neck, more like cherishing me. Our foreheads touched and I could feel he was breathing hard.

I breathed, maybe too hard, maybe a little too shocked seeing him like this. My heart beat too fast, too hard I could hardly breathe and the last thing I knew, his lips were on mine again. But this time, it was not a peak at all.

His lips were soft and smooth against mine—moving slowly and nibbling my lower lip, asking for permission to enter.

I was hesitated at first, being stubborn not letting him in but then, his hand which was on my back, started to roam slowly down to my hips.

I let go of a low moan and that was when his tongue entered my mouth and it started to dance with mine in rhythm.

When we finally let go, both of us breathed in sync, faster and the situation was getting warmer than before. I found myself touching his chest and his shirt was on the floor.

"It's getting late," I breathed. "I have to get up early tomorrow morning..."

He slowly nodded, breathing hard, "Yeah. Me too..."

"I'm going to my room," I whispered. "Okay?"

As I walked backward slowly away from him, he was still holding my hand and said, "Okay."

Closing my door, I thought to myself, what the hell just happened?