Skinny Love

Chapter 11

The next morning I wake up and I actually feel quite good for once. My mind is clear except for what Cole said to me about Lola, but for once I’m not worrying about myself. Is this what it's like to have a good friend? I get to my wardrobe and pick something a little out of my comfort zone. I’m feeling inspired by Lola’s fashion choices today. It’s still me but amped up a little bit. I decide on a white top with pearls across it and some grey patterned paperbag trousers, I match this with plain white shoes and a baggy cardigan for comfort. I wonder if anyone will notice my slight change in fashion.

I grab my bag and run downstairs, hoping to avoid the snide comments from my mother but as I go I notice that its eerily quiet. I walk into the kitchen and see a note on the island;
“Taken Hannah shopping for the day, probably going to be late back. Your father is at a meeting in London so you will probably be home alone tonight. Behave.”
As I’m reading this I feel strangely hurt that she took Hannah shopping without even telling me. Usually she would at least give me a heads up. And not even my dad told me he wasn’t going to be here tonight. I hate being home alone at night. Its peaceful, sure, but in a big house it can feel so lonely. I try not to overthink it and just start my walk to school.

As I arrive, I try to locate Lola amongst the crowds of people so I can  give her the pictures she wanted but I can’t see her, so decide to give them to her another time. First period I have English. I don’t think too much about it until I arrive in class and am faced with Cadie, Harper, Brody, Lola, Cole and Harry. I never realised they were all in my class. A few of them must have been moved up a set because they definitely weren’t here before summer.
“Hattie Johnson! You are late! Hurry up and take a seat please, there is only one left.” Mrs Ling already hates me, great. Last year she didn’t like me and I was hoping for a fresh start, there goes that idea. I scan the room for the empty seat and see that it is in between Cole and Lola. I suppose that isn’t too bad but its in front of Cadie. If she thinks I deliberately did this she will kill me… great! I walk over to the row my seat is on and walk behind Cole.
“Tuck in Cole, the fat ass is trying to get through!” Cadie said
I brushed off her comment and took my seat, smiling at Lola to confirm that I wasn’t bothered, even though I was. Why do they keep calling me fat? I lost all the weight I had in primary school but to them that will never be good enough... I will never be good enough.

I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice Mrs Ling calling my name.
“Hattie! For the last time. Will you please answer the question?!” I could feel the colour coming to my face as everyone turned towards me, Cadie, Harper and Brodie snickering from behind.
“Sorry, miss. What was the question?” I said quietly. I was ashamed, I was always quite good in class but my new classmates were distracting me. Mrs Ling repeated the question for me but I didn’t know the answer, all I could do was say “Um…” until I heard Cole clear his throat. I looked at him but he was only looking down at something… a piece of paper on the desk… he wrote the answer down for me. I said the answer that he wrote and finally nobody was looking at me, except Cole. I flashed him a grateful smile and whispered a thank you. He just smiled back and turned to talk to Harry.

The rest of that lesson passed quite quickly, with me talking to Lola and trying to pay attention so that Mrs Ling didn’t pick on me again. I stayed with Lola throughout break and gave her the pictures she wanted.
“Oh my God, Hattie! Thank you so much, I could have just printed them myself, you know? I didn’t expect you to develop them overnight but thank you!” she exclaimed
“That’s ok, I prefer developing my pictures instead of printing them, it gives them a better effect anyway so I didn’t mind.” she just smiled back. It turns out that Lola just usually sticks by herself at break but joins her friends at lunch. She invited me to join her in the music room, which his her usual hangout spot. We sat talking about her interest in music and my interest in photography but then something popped into my mind.
“Hey, this is a really random question but if you and Cole are half-siblings, why didn’t you come to the meal at my house the other week? Cole came but you didn’t.” her smile faltered and I immediately regretted asking. “Sorry, don’t worry about it, I’m just being nosy and stupid an-” before I could continue my rambling Lola interrupted me “No, it’s fine, it’s just a bit of a sensitive topic in my family. So, basically, my dad cheated on my mum when she was pregnant with Cole. She found out and made him end it but then they found out that the women was pregnant…” realisation set in as she said this, why did you have to be so stupid Hattie? You have known Lola for a day and you have already forced her to tell you her life story. She continued “The woman needed the financial support of my dad so my mum agreed that she needed the money, I mean, she was pregnant herself so I guess she understood how much money it costs to have a baby. A few months later my mum gave birth to Cole and he was the perfect baby, everything she had ever wanted in a child. 1 month later I was born but my birth mum died whilst giving birth. I was meant to go to foster care but my mum stopped my dad from doing it, she couldn’t stand the thought of a baby feeling abandoned because of something she couldn’t help. So, my dad and mum adopted me.” everything was finally adding up; Lola and Cole had certain similarities but Lola had tan skin and Cole was fairly pale, they were both in the same year but weren’t twins. But why wasn’t she at the meal my mum had arranged….
“Now, to answer your actual question as to why I wasn’t there at the meal… My parents aren’t ashamed of me by any stretch of the imagination, it's just that they don’t want to have to explain why they are the picture definition of perfection with an Asian daughter… they don’t want to explain that my dad got another girl pregnant whilst my mum was pregnant and that women died during birth so they had to adopt the baby so it wouldn’t go into care.” she finished. I couldn’t believe it. How could anyone not want to show Lola off? Sure she wasn’t the same type of perfection as Cole and his mum but she was a different kind of perfection.
“I’m sorry Lola, I didn’t mean to bring up something bad.” I mumbled, still shocked.
“It’s fine. I actually quite like having someone to talk to about this stuff. Cole’s always there and says I can talk to him about stuff but he doesn’t understand; he’s the perfect child to them…” This struck a nerve… Hannah was always perfect to my parents, she could do nothing wrong but if I even stood the wrong way, my parents would be ashamed of me. I understood Lola more than she thought but I’m not ready to tell her yet so I just mumble another half assed apology and sit there in silence, listening to her talking until the bell for second period goes.

Second and third period sped by, meaning it was now lunch. I was meant to meet Lola and go to lunch with her but I was just going to head to the photography room to write up the theory work for Lola’s photo shoot. I wasn’t hungry so there’s no point in going. I was sitting at a desk annotating some pictures when I heard a click. I thought nothing of it but then I saw a piece of paper sliding underneath the door and heard giggling outside followed by the sound of heels walking away. Slowly, I walked over to the door and picked up the paper. Immediately my heart sunk:
“We warned you, now your gonna stay in here until we think you served your punishment. Have fun, fat ass”
Oh no… does that mean Cadie and Harper saw me in Cole and Lola’s car? Or was it because of me sitting next to him in English? I reread the note over 20 times before I tried to open the door only to fail time and time again. How did they even get the key to this room, only the cleaners have them? No matter, how many times the door remained closed, I kept trying to open it; pulling it, kicking it, pushing it, punching it all whilst screaming for help until my throat went raw. No matter what I tried, it wouldn’t budge. I was trapped. Finally giving up, I turned around and collapsed on the floor, letting tears slide down my face. I was so alone and nobody was coming to look for me. As I was crouching on the floor, I wished I had just met with Lola, maybe then this wouldn’t have happened, maybe then I wouldn’t be alone...

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I'm really bad at these little author's notes, sorry 😂

Hope you enjoyed xx