Madly, Deeply

Miserable on the Daily

I can't place the day my life went to shit exactly. I don't remember there being a specific event that triggered my depression, but I've been miserable for as long as I can remember. 

I never had a so called, good life, but it wasn't any worse than most people had it. I never got abused, it was quite frankly the opposite of that. 

I was completely ignored. 

My parents would rarely yell at me or speak to me for that matter. The only time they would want to associate with me was when it was time for my report card. Otherwise, I was left to myself. 

Some kids might dream of being left alone by their parents, but not me. All I wanted was them to praise me for my good grades, ask me how my day was, or care for me when I was sick. I didn't think that was too much to ask. 

I moved out years ago, so the few times I got to speak to my parents when I lived with them became even rarer. I stopped caring at this point though. It was no use trying to win their attention. I had already tried everything as a kid, so I doubt anything I thought up now would work anyways.

Now as a 25 year old, I had my own house and a stable job. Although it's a secure job, it was incredibly boring for me. 

Quite frankly, everything was boring to me these days. I had no interest in doing anything aside from sitting in bed, or on the couch all day. If it wasn't for my bills or my constant need for food, I would never leave the house.

Even though I go to work everyday, sometimes I only talk one or two times through the whole day. It's incredibly depressing, but I could only blame myself. People used to try to talk to me, but I've made it impossible to have a conversation with anyone. As a result, everyone just slightly smiles at me, or completely ignores me. 

Well, as an exception for Baekhyun. I've tried with all my being to ignore him and further isolate myself; all ending in failure. He's the most outgoing, persistent person I had ever met. No matter how mean and short I was with him he'd never give up. 

I'm grateful for him, because otherwise I'd have absolutely no one in my life I could truly talk to or rely on. He somehow managed to squeeze his way into my heart and claim the spot as my best friend.

As great of a person as he is, even he couldn't pull me out of my depression though. I'm sure living in a four bedroom house by myself didn't really help, but he always made the effort to barge in every weekend for a sleepover.

Even if I act like I'm annoyed at him, I'm extremely grateful. It's the only time I'm able to lesson my painful emotions and actually laugh. He's the only person in the world that could get me to smile or laugh these days. 

I could only pray he didn't get sick of me. I didn't even want to imagine the dark abyss I'd get dragged into if the last person in the world to care for me left as well.

Shaking my head of my thoughts, I counted to three and willed myself out of bed. Today was Monday and I had to start my long, miserable week all over again. 

Sighing, I walked to the bathroom to make myself look somewhat presentable for the day. I finished putting on my clothes and pulled my hair into a messy bun, not having the energy to do anything else. 

I wasn't very hungry, so I just grabbed a Breakfast Essentials shake and a banana. 

Since I overslept with my daydreaming this morning, I didn't have time to eat at home. I shoved my breakfast in my purse and scrambled around the house looking for my keys. I nearly cried in joy when I finally found them. It's embarrassing to admit, but I was gasping for breath after my search. 

Glad I lived alone for once, so no one could witness that, I sprinted to my car. 

Turning on the engine my eyes widened. I was going to be so late. It was already 9:00 am, the time I needed to be there by. 

Speeding like a motherfucker I somehow managed to get there in under 20 minutes. 

Nearly slamming my hand in the car door and breaking my ankle getting out, I made it to my office cubicle. I held my hand against my mouth to silence my heavy breathing while resting my elbows against my desk. 

Still in a daze from my marathon, I slightly jumped when Baekhyun poked his head over the retaining wall with a knowing smirk on his face. I simply rolled my eyes at him and flipped him off for good measure. He chuckled slightly before dropping back into his seat and out of my view. 

"This is going to be a great day.." I grumbled sarcastically to myself before starting up my computer and getting to work.

8 hours and one scolding from my boss later I was finally done and on my way home. I was so exhausted from the day I had to roll my windows down to keep from falling asleep behind the wheel.

Pulling into my driveway I stumbled inside and crawled up the stairs like a dog, not even bothering to eat or shower. 

Stripping off my clothes as I headed towards my closet, I picked out an oversized t-shirt and a pair of fluffy pants. Stepping over my discarded clothes on the ground I stopped in the bathroom to brush my teeth. 

Using the last of my energy I ran to the welcoming warmth of my bed, barely having time to set my alarm before being whisked away by darkness.