Love Found In the Contract

CHAPTER TEN🦋

🍑Square Zero:

It was strange. We were strangers and somehow, we were husbands. I don't remember anything that involves him, but I do remember everything from my life before him. I lived in Korea with my parents and siblings. I was raised by the cook, the gardener, and my driver. The cook was fired because she spends all her time with me, the gardener moved away, and the driver is on a flight to come see me.

I am currently staring at him as he stares back at me. He has sadness in his eyes and mine contain curiosity. He is on the phone with his family while I am on one with my father.

"Jinyoung, Mark Tuan is your husband. How dare you make him go through all those troubles; how dare you shame our family name like this. How dare---" Shaking my head I hang up on him.

It's no use talking to him. Instead of asking if I was alright he was more worried about the shame that I brought to our family name. He is always worried about our family name, but when his daughters and wife make a scene he says nothing. If I sneeze at a family fathering, blink more than ten times in an hour, I bring shame to the family. If I smile, laugh, eat, look a certain way, a certain direction, I bring shame to the family. My entire existence brings shame to the family.

When I was young I got affected by his words easily, now as an adult, I do listen to his commands but I don't put myself down. I tune him out most of the time.

Placing the phone down, I get up from the hospital bed and excuse myself to the restroom to change. I don't know how many weeks I have been here, but I am dying to leave and do my daily activities. I have a lot to do. I need to supervise the construction, although I was told that it was already done and right now they are just putting the final touches. I need to be updated with my charities and the children I support. I need to make sure that they are being supported and are still loving what they do. I want to ensure them that I will not be mad if they choose a different path, that I will still support them even if they decide that the arts are no longer their dream.

But before all that I need to find another house. A house with more rooms, because I do remember sleeping in the helps room. Don't get me wrong, I don't look down on anyone regardless of the job position that they have, I just miss having my own space. Call me a brat but I miss waking up alone in a bed to call mine and not worry about the maids entering when I am changing, since the room has no door, and the showers only have a curtain dividing them. I really need to change their living arrangements in that house.

I think that getting in this accident is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that I was in a critical condition and that I could have died but I am grateful, not because I am alive but because I have finally realized that the acceptance of my family will not bring meant joy. Sure, it will make me feel welcome but at what cost. I have been putting myself last for as long as I remember, and I think is time for me to finally put myself first. It will not be selfish of me, no it will just be the humane thing to do. I have put my interest last and I can't keep doing that. Heck, I do everything to make everyone else feel at peace and comfortable while I struggle, while I face the hardships and I just can't keep doing that. I own it to myself to think about me.

The reason I wear suits all the god damn time is because of my parents. I wanted them to see me as perfect because that is what they wanted. They wanted me to be perfect all the time. Suits represent elegance and power, while casual clothes represent horror, comfortableness, and just not so powerful, in their eyes at least. I wear suits all the time, even when I sleep, and let me tell you that's just not right. Sleeping with a goddamn suit is so uncomfortable. I hate it, but I have to admit that I do look good in it.

Walking out of the bathroom, in a suit, I find Mark, still on his phone. Walking past him I pack my stuff and walk out. Not to be rude to him or anything but I just don't want to be with him. He is, in fact, good locking but we were not in love when we married if we are married that is because from what the maid, Lucy, said, it sounded like we were married to the outside world but inside those white walls I was just the help. Again, not looking down on them, without them the house will be a mess and I would have probably been so messed up. But if I look at the situation between Mark and me rationally it doesn't make sense. We are married, in paper and in a religious sense, as in we got married at a church, I sleep in the maids' room, while he sleeps in the master bedroom with a mistress, multiple at that. He basically cheated on me, and If I was in my right mind, I would have dragged his ass and her ass and beat the shit out of him. I would have kicked her out but that's as far as it would have gone with her because its not her fault that my husband is a cheating bastard. Would have filed for divorce and gone back home, my home not my parents. But I wasn't and I am still married to him.

Walking out the hospital I grabbed a cab

"Take me to the best hotel that you know, I don't really care how far it is"

"As you wish sir"

This is it. I'm leaving my old self behind. I'm leaving the one that is too afraid to fight for his place. I'm leaving behind the one that blends in the background.

Now it will be the new me. The bold one. The one that does what he enjoys and make myself happy and worry about myself. 

Thank you for reading! 

I know I said that I will be back until the 21st but I only have one more final and I'll be done with my second semester of college. Also, inspiration just hit me and I could not ignore it. This chapter is a little bit weird, I will probably write one in Mark's perspective so it makes more sense. I will also edit this one so it's not so repetitive. I could have left this as a draft but I feel that if I leave it as a draft, I will never get back to it. 

Anyway, what do you think about the new attitude that Jinyoung has developed? Do you like it, do you hate it, do you have mixed feelings about it?

When I was writing this I was thinking about how Jinyoung reacted when Mark was sleeping around and how when he got married he didn't really introduced himself nor said anything and just allowed things to be run by Mark. With that in mind, I just wanted him to develop self-love and care because to me self love and self-care is important to actually develop a romantic relationship, even if this is just fiction and the characters are far from what I am writing. 

on that note, I hope you have a fantastic day, night, evening,  and thank you so much for reading. 

and please comment, if you want, I love reading them.