Love Found In the Contract

CHAPTER ELEVEN 🦋

🐇 Week Zero

I watched as Jinyoung leaves the hospital room and part of me wishes to go with him but the other part is saying to let him leave on his own, that he needs time to reflects and understand what is happening around him. 

When he first woke up I was wishing he would get back to me because I needed him. And maybe he heard me because he opened those beautiful brown eyes but he didn't know who I was. I rushed to get the doctors and nurses. Apparently, he hit the part of his brain that contains ones' memories. The doctors told me that it could be temporary but  I have a feeling that he will never get those memories back. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad one. But even if he doesn't remember the maids from the house have already filled him in. 

He was very upset when they told him about my cheating with different women, and how I made him move into the maid's section of the house. He looked so betrayed then and he cried. I don't know whether it was because I cheated or because he did nothing as I was cheating on him. I know that he must have hated hearing and seeing all those girls leave and enter my room. I know that my room was directly above his and that the walls are so thin. I knew all this and I still did it and even to this day, I have yet to properly apologize for my behavior. I know that the times that I will apologize and beg for his forgiveness it won't be enough. I have hurt him so much and we haven't even been together for more than a few months. 

That night when he was told that I cheated on him, we had a long talk. 

"Mark, I know that you and I haven't been in each other's lives for a long time but I wished we had established some rules in so we wouldn't hurt one another in the future. I wished that I had made my place known rather than step aside and let you sleep with all those girls. I know that I have to right to demand loyalty but It doesn't seem right either to let you cheat on me. If this was a different situation, I would have beaten you up and had demanded a divorce, form the moment I moved into the service's room. But since this is not a normal situation all I'm asking is for time. I want time to think things over and get used to this new situation. I want time to rethink, but I don't promise that I won't try to end this arrangement. I want to get back to my old life, and that's not because I hate you but because I need to re-discover myself"

He was holding back tears as he explained to me, and so was I. At that moment I realized how much of a monster I was. I hurt him. I hurt him twice. Once when he lived it in the present and now as he is reliving it. 

Because I have hurt him so much, I don't complain nor stop him when he walks out of the hospital room.  My father was very upset when I told him that Jinyoung and I will be taking a break but he said that he respected our choices, and since we cannot divorce there is no problem. My mother, on the other hand, went crazy. She went on and on about how she was going to make sure that Jinyoung and his family suffer if he leaves the house, of course, I told her to mind her own business. 

Probably that was the wrong thing to say to my mother and the rudest thing as well, but its the truth. She has no business in our lives, it is more than enough that they got to decide who we marry. Also, she has no right to comment on how we handle our relationship when she and my father have never been the ideal relationship. In their time together there has always been a third person, and I mean three people from each side. My father has had three different mistresses and a second family. My mother has had three different partners in just the past two years, and a three 'rumored' families on the side. Rumored because she denies it but we are all sure that she does. 

My parents never fight over how many people they have on the side, but what they do fight over is if they bring the person to their home. I think that they have an open relationship. When I was younger I was upset because often times than not, I will spend time with their side families rather than my own. Holidays and birthdays were a nightmare because my mother or father, one of them had to leave and be with their other families because they had children that had birthdays on the same week. My siblings and I don't celebrate our birthdays or holidays because they were always forgetting. Their other families were always the priority and we were only 'loved' when others and cameras were watching. To me, it always felt like we were just child actors that get paid to pretend to be a family, in order to protect their actual families. 

As the years went by I got used to it. I grew so accustomed to how we lived our lives that I began to consider it as their way of loving us. To me, it was love, family love. But after cousinly, which I have just recently begun I realized that it was not love. I'm accepting my faith more and coming to a lot of realizations, especially on the subject of my family and my marriage. 

For the longest time, I had considered going to therapy but I always talked myself out because I don't know I always considered it to be for people with problems that prevent them from living their lives. But I forced myself to go after Jinyoung and I were married for five weeks. I was stressed and realized that I could not keep doing and dealing with everything on my own. I realized that I need help and an outsider who is not biased. I go to her twice a week, and during the time Jiyoung was in a coma,  had counseling online. I have to say that deciding to go to therapy is one of the most responsible and greatest life decisions ever. 

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Hello everyone 

It has been so long since I have updated, I'm sorry about that. I have been taken some time off from writing and have been focusing on reading more. It has been fun and today I went to a library for the first time in like four years. It was great. But Im back. I will try to update more often and have a schedule. 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please comment, I love reading them all. 

Thank you for reading :) 

have a nice night/ day