Thick Thighs Save Lives

Chapter 10- Fake Boyfriend?

This talks about serious topics such as cyber bullying and suicidal thoughts!

You have been warned...
~ 10 ~
I wake up as I always do at 6:00 on the dot. I get up and walk to my bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face, and do my hair. I decided to do a different hair style today.

Wanting to make a statement for myself I put my hair in to two cornrow braids. They looked really good.

Oh! I didn't mention I was good at hair? Well yup! I'm the best at it.

Anyway, making my way to my closest, I pull out a black crop top and some white jeans. I took a look in my mirror and whenever I raised my hands I could see my skin and my stretch marks. I was still feeling a bit self conscious, but I didn't make to big of a deal out of it. Someone is bound to see them sometime. Right?

~ 10 ~
I had totally forgot that Forest got suspended for something I did. So I was sitting in 1st period bored out of my FREAKING mind.

If Forest was here he'd have me half annoyed or laughing my ass off.

I miss him.

Wait! No I don't. I'm an independent woman and I don't need a boy to make my feel happy or annoyed.

Or any emotion for that matter.

Yeah! That's right I don't ne-. Then the bell rang for my next period to start.

I can't believe I was thinking about Forest for the whole period. We had a sub so we didn't do anything. I was just listening to some rock music.

I walked down the crowded halls feeling someone staring at me from behind. I turned my head slightly to see a roughed up Alex glaring at me. Wow! I can not take him seriously looking like that. I chuckled a bit and continued walking to my second period class.

Once I got there I was entering the room when someone grabbed me. "There is no FUCKING way you're Forests girlfriend." Mirella spit in my face. Figuratively and physically. I wiped the spit off my face and knitted my eyebrows together. "Well sorry he didn't want your thot of an ass! And if you may excuse me, I have a class to attend." I said ripping her hands off of my shoulders and walking off to class. But why did she call me Forests girlfriend?

~ 10 ~
School was finally over. The bell rang for the last time today and I was so happy. As soon as I got up my phone buzzed in my pocket. I checked and it was a text from Forest.

Forest: Hey I know school got out. So come over to my place after.
Me: Okay. Sure.

I replied and walked down the schools hallways to get to the front doors. Once outside I started walking towards Forests house.

I got there and knocked. "It's open!" Forest yelled from inside. I opened the door and walked in to see him scrolling on his phone. "Hey someone is posting stuff about us." He blurted out. "What?!"

"Yeah, take a look at this." I tutted over to were Forest was and looked at his phone. There was a post with both our school pictures photoshopped together. Then the post read 'They are officially dating'.

Holy mother Teresa! "Who the HELL POSTED THAT BULLSHIT!" I yelled pulling at my hair. I can't believe this. Why? How? When di- I know who it was. I snatched up Forests phone and typed in Alex's Twitter. Yep, still the same one.

"Alex or for lack of a better word "asshole" posted it. Here!" I bit giving Forest back his phone harshly. What! After all I've done to be in the shadow of my peers, it's brought back by the one person who made me lose all hope in my life. The person who destroyed my well being.

Why!?

Why!?

Why!?

Forest saw me crouched, hands in my hair and hot heaven tears streaming down my face. "I can't anymore" I sobbed out. "I thought I was done, I thought it was over when he left. Why did he come back?" I mumbled to myself not caring that Forest was here to hear my questions.

It has been like this for a long time, my depression, my anxiety, my fears. It all came crashing down on me at once. I've always had them, but they were locked away. They weren't needed in the time that I had my life in check. But apparently they were needed when my heart broke and when my dad died. They showed up when I had to deal with bullies constantly, and the weight I had didn't help much with it. It all piled up like a mound of trash ready to lose its balance at anytime. The pressure of living to everyone's expectations of anyone got to me. It made my life a living hell...and did I deserve it?

Maybe. Maybe I didn't try hard enough to keep my weight in check or have a good sense of caution when it came to the people I let in my life. Maybe I should have helped my dad get better and not fall of the rails. Just maybe!

I'm stuck in my own deep fears and depression to be worth any kind of normal. I'm messed up not only in my head, but my very existence. What happens when I give up? Do I let it consume me and tempt me to end right here and now?

Do I fight an endless battle to find happiness?

What do I do?

I need help, but no one can offer the kind if help I'm so desperately in need of.

~ 10 ~
I'm so sorry for not posting like I was we had so much to do for finals. But school is out and I'm back for good.

Again I'm so sorry! If your still reading this book after my long absence I appreciate you so much!