Thick Thighs Save Lives

Chapter 14- Song Choices

Hey! Here's another update for you guys.

~ 14 ~
Hello old friend, it's um...been quite awhile since I last wrote to you. My life started out great. I had lost weight and I felt really confident in myself. But as the days went by my boost of self worth started to deteriorate into a mush mass. I don't know if I'd ever get it back. I might not get it back, but knowing I had it in me for some time makes me feel quite glad. I've been having feelings for Forest. Yes, I admit to liking the weird goof ball. We're suppose to be planing some songs out for the Talent show. I'm actually quite nervous for the performance, nobody in the school beside Forest and unfortunately, Alex, has ever heard me sing. But that will be another time at a later date. Goodbye for now. I promise I won't forget about you again, my true and most trustworthy friend.

Love, Vanya*

-June 18th, 2019

I closed my diary and set it aside on my old beat up raggedy desk. Leaning back in my chair, I placed my hand on the back of my neck and just stared at the ceiling.

Thinking is all I've been able to do since my weight loss.

Just spacing out, thinking bad thoughts, good thoughts, or just weird thoughts in general. I can't explain how I'm feeling, it's not good but not bad. I'm still probably depressed and I'm just waiting for that moment we're my world completely tears apart and I can't take it, so the world would leave me with no choice but to end it.

I've thought about that, but that's all it was.

A thought.

Lately, comparing myself with others has been a big thing I've done. I keep saying, I wish that I had started out skinny and didn't grow a lot. Because if that happens then I wouldn't have these ugly scars on my body and I wouldn't have needed to lose weight in the first place.

I could have been popular within being in the "it" crowd.

But we'll never know, will we?

Life just throws you into this world and gives some people better lives than others. It says suck it up and live life until you die then it starts over again and again. A never endless cycle of living, but never finding peace.

I break away from the deep conversation with my subconscious and stand up from my chair, walking over to my bed and resting for the night.

~ 14 ~
"So are you coming over to my house or yours." Forests asks with a face full of fries. I roll my eyes at him, but inside I'm secretly adoring this moment. "Well, you know how my mother is, so yours I guess." I say nonchalantly.

You know cuz I'm cool like that.

Okay I'm done.

"Yea your mom's a real witch" Forest scrunches his face in distaste, his eyebrows were knitted together and he had the cutest little frown in his face.

I smiled softly at him "It's okay. I'll be out of there next year. I'm gonna live on my own in a different country hopefully." I beamed chuckling at my wild thoughts, mostly because I know I'm not going to get out of this country, let alone this state!

"What do you dream for the future? What's your thoughts of life have in store for you?" Forest gleams, his dark green eyes lighting up. "Well, where do I start? My dad always told me that I'd grow up to be the most beautiful girl in the whole world. But if course he'd say that. I'm his daughter, but I believed him for a while. I've always wanted to be a singer, my whole life actually. I loved doing the Talent shows and choir. But when my dad passed I brought more of it out and held onto that passion. Learning piano and the guitar gave me a place to get away from the outside world. No matter what I was feeling at the time, turning a blind eye towards those musical instruments wasn't an option. It become like a necessity for me."

"Wow! I'm practically speechless" Forest said looking at me with a shocked expression.

All that information took a lot out of me. I always dreamed of telling someone my most inner secrets, but something always held me back.

Not like I had friends to tell either.

"The bell is gonna ring soon. Let's start heading to class. Okay?" Forest asked. "Yea, that's fine."

We got up and took the left over trash from our sandwiches, throwing it away then walking off to the class.

School has been so boring lately, like I don't know what to do. Nothing really goes on anymore. Things used to be I interesting, but it lost its shine.

"Vanya, you okay?" Forest asks leaning in to whisper softly in my ear. "Yea! I'm fine" I answered feeling a bit shy from his close proximity.

~ 14 ~
"The song needs to be relatable. It needs to open the ears of the average misfit!" I argued back as Forest kept rolling his eyes. "No! That's boring. The song needs to be upbeat and you should want to dance to it." He huffed crossing his arms over his chest.

This is one of those times where I don't like him.

HE NEVER LISTENS! I said we need to have a song where people can understand how hard it is to be a teenager in this day and age.

But...Forest is all about making people rock out and dance to the song.

That's not the reason I signed up for the Talent show in the beginning. I wanted to make a statement to all those back stabbing bitches at our school. HE KNOWS THIS TOO! But no matter how many time I try to get through to him, he'd never know the feeling.

"Forest you don't understand! The whole point of me, as in by myself, was to make a statement towards Mirella and her click. But if you don't want to get that through your thick skull then I'll be leaving. Call me when you're not so idiotic!" I felt so frustrated how he always tried to make everything funny and goofy.

It's okay every once an a while but not all the time. I packed up my bag and stood up heading out of the door.

I walked to my own crack ass house and stop at the front door.

I already know what's coming as soon as I open that door.

Turning the door knob, I pushed the door open lightly peering into the house before entering. I continued to walk towards the stairs when a deep rough voice startled me. "You must be Vanya...Right?" He said with an arm out waiting for me to shake it. I took his hand in mine "Are you mom's new boyfriend?" I asked already knowing the answer. "Yea I am. I didn't know she had such a fine young daughter. Mmhm!" He said eyeing me with his wandering eyes.

I quickly took my hand back, looking at him with so much disgust. "Playin' hard to get I see. Haha! We'll change that." He assumed licking his lips as I slowly made my way upstairs.

God I hope this man doesn't rape me in my sleep!

~ 14 ~
OMG! I hit 300 reads! Thank you guys some much 💙! I love that all of y'all are enjoying my story so far.

Thanks for reading! Make sure to share, comment, and vote if you liked this story. Bye! 👋🏽

Sorry if I made mistakes. My friend went to bed already and it's really late at night.

I can't sleep at all!