Thick Thighs Save Lives

Chapter 20- Hard times

There might be some triggers in this update. Like suicidal thoughts and bullying.

Please be advised.

~ 20 ~
During the week of planning for Vanya's dad's funeral.

"Alex I'm stressed out!" I yelled at my idiotic boyfriend, who was trying to pull me out of the office we had in our home. I was sorting through some papers I'd have to sign for the funeral that's a week away.

I haven't been able to cry out all my feeling like my mom or my other family members. I've been cooped up in my house for three days now with tons of paperwork and funeral arrangements. "Vanya you can't stay indoors all the time, get out and stretch. Relax for a while then get back to planning." Alex really was trying to help.

He would see me crying about the bills and how I'd get them paid, then comfort me. If I'd been sitting in this room for a couple of hours not getting up to eat he'd always bring me something to eat.

My mom has been getting more drunk lately and spending a lot of the money I had in place for the funeral. I don't even know what her problem is anymore, I know we've never had a good relationship but being like this.

I just can't!

"Vanya look at me" Alex told me sternly as I clenched my hair in frustration. "What" I said softly on the verge of tears. "Just stare at me. Look into my eyes. Find a place where you can run to in your mind, so you can escape to a world we're everything would be perfect." I listened to him, thinking about all the memories I had with my dad. All the times he called me princess and acted like a complete goofball afterwards.

I chuckled still staring at Alex. He really did help a lot.

We've been dating for 7 months now, he has been the most amazing boyfriend a girl could have for her first, ever. He made me feel relaxed and at ease. He took his time to tell me how special I was and that was a lot because let's just say I'm not the skinniest girl you'd find out in the world. I have some weight to me, but it's never been an issue until I got to high school, but Alex has helped me through everything.

I think...I think I might love him.

"I love you" I whispered looking away from Alex and down at my hands that rested in my palms. I played with my fingers, twitching until Alex grabbed them and put them to his chest. "I love you too." I smiled and turned around so I could work on the paperwork some more and this time instead of tearing my hair out, I put a smile on my face.

~ 20 ~
A week later
It's been two days since the funeral. I've cried only when I start to dream about my dad.

It never got passed me.

Everyone says it wasn't my fault but I asked for those school materials. I told him I needed them that week, but I could have waited till the other day. It wasn't due for another 2 weeks.

Other than that I've held up pretty good.
Thanks to Alex, he's kept me sane throughout all of this. Ever since we've said our first love you's and everything we've gotten really close, but I made a really stupid mistake with him.

"Vanya are you sure you're ready for school?" Alex asked with concern placing his features. "Yea, I have to do this not only for me, but for my dad too. I also really want to move out of this house and not let the memories resurface." He nodded and opened the door for me, then he got in the passenger seat because his dad was driving us.

"Sorry 'bout your dad Vanya. I would've made it to the funeral, but work wouldn't let out." Alex's dad had said sadly.

Everything was just sad.

"It's alright, it's not like he can still know if you were there or not." Him and Alex looked at me for a sec before facing the front with frowns plastered on the faces.

We made it to school, walking through the doors and to our group of friends. "Vanya! Hey." Mirella waved spastically which made me chuckle. She's so energetic at the weirdest times.

"Hi. How was your weekend?" I asked because she didn't make it to the funeral and I was just worried. "It was okay. My family went out of town this weekend, but it was in the middle of nowhere and I had no service!" She sighed dramatically.

The bell rang, so we dispersed into the sea of the crowd and onward to our classes.

~ 20 ~
"Damn! Took you long enough. What happened?" I was behind a wall listening to a conversation between Mirella and someone else I didn't know. "She was very doubtful at first but she gave in eventually."

That's Alex's voice!

"Omg I can't believe you got that fat bitch in bed, even after her pathetic dad died. You are one hell of a guy!" I placed a hand over my mouth as I felt like I was about to hurl.

"Thanks. I won the deal so pay up. I have to say she's good in bed though." Alex laughed coldly.

I walked away still in a daze.

Was this real?

Am I dreaming?

I can't be.

I pinched myself pretty hard, then the tears started to run down my face as I ran out of the school. I didn't even know where, I just ran. I couldn't stay there anymore.

How?

How could they do that to me. After I gave them my all. I showed Alex something I'd never thought I'd be confident enough to show.

H-He used me.

I stop once I get to a Forest. I lead it down to a trail that opens out to a gravelly mountain top thing. I didn't really know how to describe it, but it was beautiful. You could see the trees on the other side, but you couldn't walk to it or you'd be dead.

Maybe...I should die.

I don't have anything going for me. My mom hates me and blames me for my dads death. I just found out the person I loved only used me to get a pay check after I gave him my virginity. My best friend was part of it too.

No one.

The only person who would care is dead and it's my fault.

Why...Why did they do this!?

Why me? I should just end it all now, no more fat girl to push around or make fun of.

'Please don't do it. You have so much to live for. Even if you don't see it your life will one day be the life you wanted to lead into your lifetime. There are good and bad things we look forward to in this world, but no matter the outcome leave this situation learning how to make it better for not only you but for your future loved ones.'

My dad's advice stunned me. He told me this when I came home one night after I'd been bullied due to my size. I was about to take some pills and end it, then he caught me. He told me that everything would turn out to be okay in the end and that I'd have him forever to go to.

But I didn't have him, because he's dead.

I shouldn't waste what my dad advised me on. I should try and fight through my demons, even if it means putting up a wall that no one would be able to go through.

Act like I don't care. Use my singing as a distraction from everything and everyone.

That it, that's what I'll do.

~ 20 ~
I have no words.

This chapter was a really sad one. I hope you take this story as a life lesson. Even if everything in life seems to be going wrong, just bear it for the moment and when you have a chance, leave. Get away from what holds you down. There are still people who haven't met you and got to see how special each one of you can be to them.

That was really cheesy.

Thank you so much! We almost hit 1k. Thanks to all of you guys. Thank you so much for supporting me and my book.

I also said thank you so many times, but I really mean it.