~ 22 ~
In school we are taught the city, where people bustle around living their day to day lives. Whether it be nice and flowing, shame and misfortune, or average above anything else. Then there is a gate that surrounds that city, but it's closed off from the day by day ongoing lives of others. Poets usually wallow in this spot, looking and analyzing the abyss or reading, acknowledging the divine.
Hidden under the city there is a cold like structure that's filled with emptiness and hard ache.
You can't escape.
Above the crowded place there is the divine, the light that shines through our happiest memories. Giving us hope instead of despair. Using all the light energy to maintain our remembrance of good thoughts.
In this point in time, at this moment, this very second,
I am neither.
I'm not happy or distraught, nor bustling with things to do.
I am falling.
Falling in a pit that swallows us whole and never, not once spits you back out.
The feeling is dark and cold, but not empty and agonizing.
There is no smell, no light, no taste, no sound, no touch.
There's just me.
In a place where my heart, soul, and mind lay forever. It was nice while I had the time. I got me a boyfriend and stood up for what I believed in. I don't believe that God has some plan for me after this transition in my life. I know I'll never see my dad again while in this state.
You wanna know how I know?
Because I JUST know.
Never have I relied on one single person to lead my ways and tell me it will turn out for the better.
Was this better?
Maybe not, but it was okay.
I was okay.
Forest was going to okay. My mom, not so much. She got everything she deserved, a life.
She lead her years and made it to a age where she had been comfortable. I was just starting out, about to complete my life the way I set it out to be. The way I wanted people to see me and understand my hardships.
Living out the best dreams of me.
Thinking back, I just remember...happy. Smiling faces, laughter at the strangest times, feeling free, light and airy.
Just happy.
But now, I'm nothing. Feeling nothing and giving off nothing. I can't feel much of anything, no organs beating within my body. No brain pulsating a rhythmic rhythm per minute.
Nothing.
But that's fine, it's okay. Never will I see anyone again, but to have before I'm off to places unknown, I'm glad, glad to have been known, to be heard, and seen, and
•
•
•
•
•
•
to be loved...
YOU ARE READING
Thick Thighs Save Lives
Chick-LitWhat do people do to make them love them self? Do they stare at themselves in the mirror and say "Watch out good lookin!" But no matter how hard I think about it. It makes me sad. My name is Vanya Hanes and I'm what people like to call 'FAT'. And I...
