Forget You

• Day 70 ♡

It's heavily pouring today. Seems like the sky knows how I am feeling. I somehow envy the weather though, the sky can cry hard all it wants and after that it will be sunshine again, everything will be fine again, as for me, I can't even get myself out of bed for the past couple of months.

"Mark, get up."

"Go away." I turned to my sides and I quickly closed my eyes, hoping that Lucas would leave me alone

"Come on, man." He sat at the edge of my bed as he sighed deeply, "it's not the end of the world, bro."

It was for me. My world stopped the moment she walked out of the room.

"Let's get you to do some activities, man. Yuta hyung and I are joining a marathon tomorrow, you should come with us."

"Leave me at peace, Lucas." I said, back still facing him as my eyes stare at the glass window, watching as the raindrops hit the glass. I heard him sigh heavily and the door being closed. When I turn around, I was left alone, again.

"You can't keep pushing everyone who wants to help you."

Somehow Koeun's word echoed thru my brain and I felt a slight pain in my chest, like it's slowly breaking and the pieces are falling slowly through my ribcage.

"I don't want their help." I muttered as I sat up on my bed and reached for my phone on the bedside table, I swiped the screen to open it up and immediately went to the Kakaotalk Messaging App. I opened the coversation I had with Koeun and randomly scrolled up until it stopped to a particular conversation we had couple of months back.

I couldn't help but clutch my phone hardly as I was reading the long message she sent me.

I remembered this exact moment. It was when I was isolating myself and keeping a distance. I was having some family problem and she was the first one to notice about my strange behavior and immediately help me as best as she can. Not that she had to do that or whatnot, but she did it willingly anyways.

She has a strong exterior but her heart is pure and genuine.

"To Mark Lee,

No more secrets. No more isolation. No more pushing me away. I don't know if you know but I intend to stay for a long time until you fulfill your dreams.

And okay, we know you're absolutely fully capable of doing things on your own but whenever you encounter any problems or difficulties along the way, just know that I'm here for you. So don't push me away.

Love, Koeun."
Sent 07/12/2017 5:45 pm

"But you left." I hissed and threw my phone away as it hit the floor. I could've sworn I heard my phone screen crackling a bit but who cares anymore, right?

I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Somehow the rain poured down heavily than it did a few minutes ago and now thunderstorms can be heard. I closed my eyes and tried to take a nap but the ghost of her haunted me once more.

"Just know that I'm here for you."

I suddenly screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration. After my scene, I sat up and bowed my head down as low as possible. My hair is a mess, and my body felt so weak and my hands are shaking involuntarily. I just can't control my body anymore. I was paralyzed, and I felt my whole body shiver.

The window is not close but yet, my body is still shaking, hard, I can't make myself to stop.

Without me noticing, tears falled down my eyes as I froze there sitting on my bed. My hands clutching to my sheets tigthly.

"Mark!" Somehow I heard Lucas call my name as the door opened and hit the wall with force, "Mark! What happened? are you okay? Look at me!" His hand was clenching my arms as he lightly try to calm me down and make me stand up.

But I didn't move a muscle and just continued crying and shaking like a helpless child.

"What happened? Mark, talk to us!" It was another voice, a girl's voice, "Mark.." it was Yeri.

She cupped my cheeks with both her hands as she forced me to look up at her. I know I look ugly with me crying, I feel my face is turning red as a tomato as my eyes were shut close, the tears continued falling down on my face. Within seconds, I felt Yeri hug me tightly.

My head was resting on her shoulder as Lucas was stroking my back with his big hands, comforting me and calming me down.

But my tears just kept going. My body, however, calmed itself down as I was catching my breathe.

I can feel Lucas and Yeri's hands stroke my hair and back as they were trying to talk and have a conversation with me but all I can do is to listen while they talk to themselves.

It felt like it would never stop, it felt like the pain would never go away.

Koeun-ah, I broke down today. It's been a long time since I let myself breakdown like this again, the last time was when I was with you, do you remember? You even held me like you were craddling your baby as I let my emotions take over. I think you don't recall though. It doesn't matter anymore anyways, you left.

Koeun, I'm in Day 70 now, forgetting you is harder than I expected.

Hey, remember when you told me you're going to be always here for me when I face difficulties, where are you now? I'm facing the most difficult thing in my life right now. You were the only one who knows how to calm me down, I need you here. I need you here with me, Koeun.