Call Me Ashleigh

Chapter 17:

CHAPTER 17:

I heard the click of the lock as the door closed. Good, they were gone.

Now I could finally be alone with my thoughts

I honestly didn't know what to do. I had no inkling of whether liking Amanda was wrong or right, and Google wasn't providing any answers.

What exactly did I feel for her?

My eyes scanned the room. It was a cloudy day, and the room was dim.

Personally, I didn't really like the furniture in my room. It wasn't ugly or garish, it was just... too white.

My whole room was white.

The walls, the cupboard, the shiny tiled flooring, the ceiling, the door, the clock above the door, my bed frame, the shelf by my bed, the small cupboards under the window, the curtains, my writing desk, the chairs, the shelves above my desk, my chest of drawers, my desk lamp, the airconditioner, the trash bin... Even my fluffy little Maltese puppy, currently lazing around on the cool floor, was white.

Now, in the dim light, everything had turned to grey - dark, ominous grey.

I pondered things for a bit, gazing around at the familiar scene of my room.

I felt something wet brushing against my foot, and I looked down to see my dog, who my sister had named Angel (much to my horror) nosing me with her soft wet nose.

"Hey," I laughed. "That tickles!"

Angel's silky fur tickled my foot as she started to lick me. I giggled and scooped her up into my lap. She responded by raising her head to lick my face.

"Ew, Angel!" I cried. "You just licked my foot, you know!"

My voice faltered, and Angel let her head fall into my lap.

Angel.

Every single thing reminded me of Amanda...

We had gotten Angel in March. Felicitie had always wanted a dog. I wasn't much of an animal lover, but my parents supported the idea, and it was three against one.

Back in March, things with Amanda were pretty tense, and Fel's insistance on naming the puppy 'Angel' were met with equally strong resistance from me. But when they questioned me on why I was so opposed to the name, I was forced to drop it. They couldn't find out about my problems with Amanda, my parents would be disappointed, upset, and worried for me. Plus, after raving on and on for weeks about how amazing and wonderful Amanda was, it was more than a little embarrassing to admit that she had dropped me.

So I admitted defeat, and the dog was named Angel.

Up till now, the name still haunted me.

Ruffling Angel's long white fur, I sighed. Amanda was the strangest person ever.

She was the first non-family member ever to make me cry. Well, without physically hurting me at least.

In my old school, people bullied me to no end. Many times, I'd overhear hurtful comments about me. Some even had the guts to say it in my face. I was ostracized, mocked, gossiped about, put down, left out...

But I never cried.

Not even when they declared me unwanted, not even when no one wanted to partner me, not even when they said I would make them lose, not even when they said the world would be better off without me.

Even when I sat on the window ledge that day, preparing to jump off, I didn't shed a tear. Well, almost, but not really.

No matter how mean they got, no matter how many cruel remarks they made... I never ever cried. I wasn't always strong, but I wouldn't weep.

Amanda was the only one who could do that to me.

And I hated it.

As if sensing my stormy mood, Angel licked my face again, like she was trying to comfort me. I looked down at her adorable little face and laughed.

My voice cracked halfway through. I had let my thoughts wander again. Angel was so cute, and I totally loved her. It wasn't like that at first. Like I mentioned, I hadn't only opposed Angel's name, I was against the whole idea of having a dog.

It wasn't because I detested dogs, and not even because I was afraid of them. Okay, I was afraid of dogs, but not so much a small one like my sister promised a Maltese would be.

I had told the world I hated dogs, and most other animals. Everyone seemed to like dogs, so the natural thing for me to was dislike them.

I had guessed, and correctly too, that if we got a dog, I'd fall in love with it before long. As cold and unfeeling as I used to enjoy making myself seem, I wasn't really that hard on the inside. But I didn't want to love, even an animal. Because I knew that when he or she died, a part of me would die along with it. I'd experienced that with my special pet fish, and fishes weren't even a big deal, according to Felicitie. She'd always made fun of my obsession with my fish.

Can't help it if I'm not the same as everyone else.

But even though I hadn't wanted a dog, part of me was excited about having a new pet. The only other pets I'd had was my fish, some other fishes and a couple of frogs, so the novelty of the idea of a pet with fur was appealing. But as usual, I kept that part of me hidden and continued to protest.

With Amanda, I hadn't technically 'wanted' her at first. Sure, the idea of an 'angel' writing to me was interesting, but as with the dog matter, I concealed my interest and ignored her.

But now, like with Angel, I was in love, and there was no turning back.

Love means getting hurt.

I hugged Angel close to my chest.

"Don't ever leave me." I whispered. Then the tears started trickling down, and all Angel could do to help was gently lick them off.