Call Me Ashleigh

Chapter 23:

CHAPTER 23:

I glanced over at Sheryl, wide awake and laughing, and stifled a yawn. This was English, one of the best classes, with Mrs Fernanda, one of the funniest teachers, but I was too down and just way too sleepy to properly process anything she was saying.

Around me, I heard the vaguely distant sound of the class roaring with laughter, probably at yet another hilarious joke by Mrs Fern.

Sheryl nudged me gently, softly explaining the joke to me. She knew that sometimes I didn't get the jokes, so she took it upon herself to educate me.

Sometimes, even after an explanation, I still didn't get it. Today was one of those times. Chiefly because everything coming out of Sheryl's mouth sounded like it was in whale language.

I hadn't got very much sleep last night. After I finished my part of the Kira Kira project, my mum had forced me to go and sleep, but I couldn't. I lay there, eyes opened, staring at the ceiling.

I couldn't close my eyes. For the first time in ages, I felt scared for what the darkness and sleep might hold. For the first time since I'd met my angel, I was scared to shut my eyes. I was scared of what might come and harm me. Now that Amanda wasn't with me anymore, everything was frightening.

I couldn't sleep.

Now, in class, it seemed like it was the only thing I was capable of doing.

My eyelids were so heavy... My body ached so bad... The room was cool and comfortable... I just wanted to sleep... Peacefully... Forget about her...

I jolted myself out of my sleep, accidentally dislocating my shoulder in the process. "Ouch..." I moaned, rubbing my shoulder. Sheryl was poking me, that was what had woken me up. Ouch. Her pokes hurt.

Then I realised why Sheryl had been poking me.

Mrs Fern was staring expectantly at me, her arms crossed.

"So, Freda?" she asking, eyeing me with disapproval. "Are you going to finally answer my question, now that you are up?"

"Uh... W-what was the question again?" I stuttered, forcing myself to sit straight and act like I'd never been sleeping.

Mrs Fern tsked crossly, and repeated the question.

I couldn't answer it. The only thing in my head was Saturday night's disastrous conversation, replaying over and over again. I didn't have anything else to say. Amanda was all I could think of.

It went on all day. I was never one to pay attention in class, but I had long become a master at hiding it. Today, though, it seemed like I had completely fallen apart. Nothing I did was right.

Everywhere I went, her words haunted me. It was all too much for me to take.

How could I live with this? How could I live without her?

~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked around me, at the school I'd grown to love. It suddenly looked so beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful. Everywhere I looked, images, memories of Amanda resurfaced themselves in my mind.

It was all so vivid, so real. I wanted to cry. Crying had become a regular habit, almost, nowadays. Everything reminded me of her.

Her familiar laugh rang through my ears. Tears sprung to my eyes. I wanted to hear that laugh again, that mocking voice, gently teasing me, joking around... I just wanted her back, back the way we were when we first met.

Rachelle appeared, and I tensed up.

Amanda soon followed. I drew in my breath sharply, noticing her eyes on Rachelle. She was talking to her. She looked happy. Normal.

Unlike me.

I stared at them, my heart feeling like it had shattered into a million pieces. Seeing Amanda with Rachelle, whom I particularly disliked, acting perfectly normal just a couple of days after she completely broke my heart... I felt like she had betrayed me.

Well, I wasn't expecting her to go all depressed and mopey, she wasn't the one to get hurt anyway, but still.

How could such a mean, snotty person like Rachelle be practically best friends with Amanda?

Unless Amanda was mean and snotty too.

Maybe she was. Maybe I had just fallen for her braces. I mean, I always had a thing for them. She didn't have them anymore though. They came off in June. But I still liked her. Like crazy.

I didn't realise I was still staring at them until I felt Rachelle make eye contact with me. Her steely, unwavering gaze completely unnerved me.

I was just about to turn away when I saw something that made my spirits plunge all the way down to the soles of my shoes.

Amanda, my Amanda, nudged scary Rachelle, took her by the arm and led her away.

Away from me. Away from horrible, despicable, freaky me.

I stood under the frangipani tree, letting the wind blow stray hairs out of my ponytail to sail in the breeze. Fallen white flowers lay strewn all over the ground around me.

The frangipani scent was strong and suffocating. The wind blew harder, the sky turned grey.

But who cared? Wasn't my whole world grey already?

Meaningless, lifeless.

I knew it was wrong to be feeling this way. There was so much more to life than a silly crush on just another girl. But I couldn't help but feel that life was nothing without Amanda.

The wind gently plucked yet another insignificant little flower off the tree, allowing it to float down to the ground in front of me. I bent down to pick it up, without falling over, surprisingly, and rubbed its velvety petals between my fingers. I breathed in its sickly sweet scent, the rain starting to fall around me.

It was so pretty, the soft white flower, with it's cheery yellow middle and it's velvety feel... The flower still looked fresh, with just the slightest hints of dead brown around the edges. Why did it fall?

The rain poured down harder, filling the frangipani flower with water and wrenching it out of my grasp. It splashed onto the floor and just lay there, allowing the raindrops to beat upon its delicate form.

I walked away, leaving it lying there. What was the point in trying to save it anyway? It would die soon. The tree was its life. Without the tree, it was nothing.

The bell rang, signalling the end of recess. However, I barely heard it over the sound of the roaring thunder. I quickened my footsteps. If I didn't hurry, I would be late for class. My world may have fallen apart, but the rest of the worlds hadn't, and being late for class was still unacceptable.