Blind Love

Chapter 5

Mikhail woke up feeling disoriented. He lifted his hand to run through his hair but wad taken by surprise to find his hand tied to the bed.
"What the..." he paused.
His throat felt on fire and his voice came out hoarse as if he'd been screaming for days.
Even his feet were tied up. He closed his eyes, trying to remember something but nothing came except a pounding headache.

Was he hallucinating again? He did that a lot when he didn't sleep for days. He groaned, trying to get rid of his ropes.
"Easy, Mikhail. You will feel groggy."
He froze at the voice of Dr Olivarez. He tilted his head slightly, trying to locate her. He hated feeling out of control.
"Drink some water", she said softly.
She gently lifted his head and made him drink.

The cold water felt good against his sore throat.
"How are you feeling?"
"Drugged", he said, "what happened?"
"You had a panic attack. Do you these a lot?"
"Yes... When I don't take my medicines", he paused, "which, as a matter of fact, I never take."
"Do you know what may have triggered the attack this time?"
"Listen, doc. I don't want you to question me while I am in this state," he replied dryly.
"Don't you want this to stop? Don't you want to live without fearing any panic attack?"

He turned his head towards her, following the sound of her voice; his green eyes piercing her soul.
"Who said I fear them? Who said I want to stop living with my demons. Remember, doc. I am not the one who called you. We are all battling with our inner demons and I've just accepted mine. I am not mopping around, feeling sorry for myself or playing the victims. I deserve this; I was not a saint before I lost my sight. I still can slit your throat at any time."
He was so calm, eerily calm that it chilled her.
Did he really give up on life? Her heart clenched. None of her patients had ever committed suicide since she had helped them. Her own father took his life in front of her and when she closed her eyes sometimes, she could still see him hanging from the ceiling.

But Mikhail was not talking about suicide. He had just accepted his fate. Still, she could not let him sink even more in the darkness. Had she been able to help, then maybe her dad would still be alive. She wouldn't let that happen to him.
"If you were really this bad, then Flora would never hold you so dearly in her heart. You are not a saint, I get it, but who is one nowadays? You have to fight."

There was a long moment of silence. She looked at him, his skin appeared so silky. She sat down next to him on the bed and took his hand. She was no longer talking to him as his psy; she wanted to be his friend.
"Please Mikhail, let me help you. Let me be your friend", she whispered.
She watched him frown, as if the idea of someone wanting to be his friend was inconceivable. The incomprehension was then replaced by suspicion.
"You have nothing to gain from it, doc. If you want money, then I can give you the double of what you are being given, for you to leave."
"I don't want the money. I am not charging them anything for this. I am helping my best friend. And you are terribly wrong. I have something precious to gain by helping you; your friendship."

"You will fear me", he whispered, "everyone ends up hating or fearing me."
She squeezed his hand; his palm was calloused and so big compared to hers.
"I have met some dangerous people in my life. Remember I'm a psychiatrist."
"Why can't you just let me be?"
"Because my best friend loves you. And you are going to be an uncle soon. Don't you want to see your niece or nephew?"

Mikhail closed his eyes painfully.
"Have you ever taken a closer look at your surroundings, doc?"
Sofia stared at him, puzzled.
"Of course, I have."
"Have you really?" There was a long moment of silence, then he continued.
"There are wars, thousands of children are becoming orphans, brothers are killing each other for materialistic purposes, as soon as parents get old, they are abandoned in shelters. What is the purpose of bringing a child into this world?"