Blind Love

Chapter 13

Mikhail was ready by nine the next morning. He felt like an antsy teenager going on his first date. Flora had chosen his clothes; a grey shirt and a white bermuda. He could not see whether or not it looked good on him and it irritated him. He sighed as he let himself fall in his chair. He wanted to look good, he did not know how he looked anymore. He ran his fingers on his jaws, feeling his stubbled beard. Ivan had helped him save a week ago - maybe he could have asked him to help him again.
What if Sofia did not like beard? He felt panic rising in him, his heart racing.

A slight movement in front of him broke his trail of thoughts. The soft padding of a kid's feet could be heard and he felt a soft weight on his thigh.
"Are you scared, Mikey?" Many said, using the nickname he had found for him yesterday.
Scared? He wanted to laugh cynically. Fear was not an emotion with which Mikhail was familiar. But he was terrified of what Sofia would say about him. He was not one to be worried about people's judgments but he found himself caring about what his little psy thought about him. Would she judge him when she would learn the truth?
"Yeah Many. Mikhail is scared shitless. He is totally in love with Sofia", Juan said, approaching them.
Love? Was that the strange feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about her? Sure, he loved his family. He had had several girlfriends over the years but he had never truly let anyone see him as vulnerable as Sofia had.
"How do you know?" he asked puzzled.

This little boy knew more than him on this subject.
"Do you want to smile whenever you think about her? Do you have butterflies in your stomach when she is near?"
He waited till the older man had nodded to continue.
"That's love."
"Oh!" Manuelito exclaimed, "I love chocolate."
The trio busted out laughing. Mikhail kissed the forehead of the youngest and turned towards Juan's voice.
"How do you know all of this about love?"
Juan shrugged and looked down.
"My dad used to tell us about my mom's and his relationship. I had asked him once and he had given me that answer."
His voice broke a little and Mikhail reached out for him. Juan hesitated a second before taking his hand. The older man pulled him into a hug and whispered above his head.
"Your dad would have been proud of the man that you are becoming. He would have been proud of both of you."

"I like Sofia. She is pretty like mommy. I miss my mommy", Manuelito sniffed.
"Yeah?" Mikhail murmured, his heart tearing for these two innocent lives, "I miss mine too. But you are not alone anymore."
Teary big brown eyes looked up at him.
"Can Sofia be my new mommy?"
What could he respond to that? He did not want to hurt the child's feelings but he did not want to answer in Sofia's place. He thought about his own childhood. Ivan's and Emilio's mother had been really sweet to him while she was alive. Christabel De Luca was a strict lady but she had a soft spot for Mikhail, even if he was a bastard child. She had never cuddled him or kissed him but she had never beaten him either. She had even sneakily given him food at times.  She had been the closest thing to a mother for him.

He nodded, trying to think like Sofia. She had a giant heart and would certainly have said yes.
"Then are you going to marry her?" Many said, wiping his tears and putting on his scariest voice.
Mikhail chuckled inwardly at his little intimidating voice.
"C'mon, little brother. Let's go play," Juan said, smiling.
He squeezed Mikhail's shoulder in a comforting manner and took his brother to Flora's room.

Are you going to marry her? That thought was repeating itself in his mind. He felt even more nervous. He wiped his sweaty palms against his Bermuda.
"Earth to Mikhail. Do you hear me?" Sofia broke his trail of thoughts.
He was currently seated in the passenger seat while she was driving them to an unknown destination.
"What were you saying?" he asked.
"What's wrong?"
"I haven't been out since my accident. I'm kinda nervous about that."
That was only a half lie. He had forgotten what it felt like to feel the wind caressing his face while he was driving in a car.

"I'm not going to bite you, Mikhail. Stop being nervous."
Please bite me, Mikhail thought. He felt his cheeks reddening and turned his head towards the window. He cleared his throat and took in a deep breath.
"Relax. It's just you and me right now", she added.
He smiled. Just you and me. Sofia and Mikhail- that thought somehow make his anxiety varnish. That felt good in his mind.
"Where are we going?" he asked, feeling more at ease.
"You'll see", she teased.
Joy spread through his veins as he heard the sound of waves crashing and smelled the fresh sea air. He grinned and looked at her. That pure look of joy on his face made Sofia's heart clench. She smiled at his childlike awe.

He nearly ran out of the car before she had even turned it off. He only stopped after several steps where he almost tripped on a rock. That sobered him as he realized that he was missing the beauty of the view. He tried to remember it but his memories were blurred- he had seldom been at the beach when he had his sight. He was always busy working, taking care of his night club and of the family businesses. He had never taken the time to go on long walks or to breathe in the sea air. The rare times when he had been near tje sea, it had always been business related. He wished now that he had had taken a longer look at the crystal blue water.
He felt a small slender hand on his arm. Sofia hooked her arm with his at the elbow and took in a deep breath. She had always loved the seaside.
"C'mon, Mikhail."
She guided him across the beach and laid out a picnic blanket and they both sat down. They remained silent, just listening to the relaxing of waves.
"I wish I could see again. When I am with you, Sofia, I forget who I used to be. And I want to see again", he let out.
The pain in his voice was almost tangible. She shifted closer towards him and took in his appearance. He looked so young and so old at the same time. He could easily pass for a college student but his eyes would betray him. He was mesmerizing, gazing at the horizon even though he could not see.

"You will have your sight back. You just have to fight against whatever demons you have."
"Things are not so simple, doc. My demons have been with me for a very long time now. They are a part of me."
"That's true. They are a part of you, they had forged you into this man but they don't define you."
He reached out and found her left cheek. He ran a finger lightly over her skin. Sofia shivered- it was not cold, even though she was wearing a blue strapless dress. She knew that it was his touch that caused a reaction in her.
"I don't want to hurt you. I really care about you. I've felt like this before and I'm scared. For the first time in my life, I am terrified. But not for me. Every person I touch gets hurt. You don't know who I am or what I have done", he said, grabbing her neck gently, "I could easily break you. I don't want to taint you with my demons, Sofia."
"I've seen them, Mikhail. And I'm not afraid of them. I'm afraid of what I feel for you. But I'm not afraid of you."
"Well, if you had an ounce of common sense, then you would be. You have one of the purest soul that I've ever seen. I know it, I can feel it. I don't want to lose you but I can't afford having you next to me. You are my most precious friend and I don't want you hating me."
"What could be worst that what you've told me?"
He cupped her face .
"I've killed my own son, Sofia. I've killed my baby boy."