Blind Love

Chapter 11

As his sobs diminished, he felt ashame. His father had taught him that men didn't cry. When he was younger, the other members liked beating the shit out of him for being a bastard child and he had learned to take the pain without tears or cries. Showing pain only brought them more pleasure in torturing him. He couldn't even look in Sofia's eyes as he finally calmed down. He stayed slient for several minutes, listening to her heartbeat.
She kept on combing his hair with her fingers, soothing him even more. He felt at peace in her arms and something warmed bloomed inside his heart. He sighed and finally got out of her arms. He sat down but did not meet her eyes. He felt like a young kid again who had done something bad.
"Mikhail, don't be ashame", she said softly, lifting his chin with her hand.
"The De Luca men don't cry, Sofia. It makes you seem weak. My father would beat the shit out of me if he was still alive. And I've been balling my eyes out few minutes ago."
"That's just pure bullshit", she scoffed, "Crying doesn't make you a sissy. It's just a way of showing your emotions- of showing that you are human. Don't take it wrong but your father was a prick."

Mikhail looked at her and laughed.
"My father had been called several names but never this one."
He became even more beautiful when he laughed. His eyes shined and his whole face lighted up the room. She felt proud that she had made him laugh and she wanted to do it again. He had been so warm against her and now the place where his head was just felt empty.
"I've bought you food... And I don't want to hear any protest. We are going to eat."
He nodded and felt her leave the bed and returned to place a tray in the space between them. They both ate in a comfortable silence. She placed the tray on the table and sat down in front of him again. They sat there for some seconds and he could feel her gaze on him. He was about to say something when she came closer to his face. She brushed the underside of his lower lip with the pad of her fingers, causing chills to rise all over his body.
"You had some crumbs", she whispered.

She could simply have told him to wipe them off himself but she wanted to feel his skin again. Her finger was just millimeters away from his lip and she was desperately wanted to caress it. She let her hand fall as she thought about the situation they were in. She needed to stop letting her hormones controlling her actions. And she had a lot of questions in her mind.
"So you were a mafia boss?"
He nodded, bracing himself for her questions. However she did not seem afraid, she just seemed curious.
"Why did this Emilio became the boss? Shouldn't the title go to the oldest son? I mean that's how it usually works on TV. And you've told me that Ivan is the oldest."
"Yes, usually, the first born of each family should become the head but Ivan is a pacifist in heart. Our father had known that and he knew that Ivan wouldn't make a good choice-he lets his emotions control him. Emilio is the middle child but he is... Unstable and uncontrollable to say the least. He is really sadistic, I've never seen anything like this in my whole life. He takes so much pleasure in hurting others. And our father knew that he would doom our legacy if he became the head. Then, there was me. The bastard child. But as he liked to say, I was also a prodigy."

He was indeed a prodigy. He always excelled in every he did. He had a very high IQ, was agile and rapid but still had a brute force. His father had forged him into a perfect warrior.
"I'm so sorry that you went through this. What about your mom? Have you spoken to her?"
Mikhail winced. He did not want to appear more miserable than he was but he knew that she wanted answers. He just hated talking about his past. But she was the only person he was willing to be this vulnerable.
"She is dead, she died a long time ago when I was still a baby. From what I've been told, she was the only child of a Russian Mafia boss. Aurelio was already married but he was obsessed with my mother. He tracked her down one night when she was attending her prom night. He kidnapped and abused her. When he found out that she was pregnant with me, he locked her in a room to prevent her from killing me."

He paused, looking for courage to continue.
"She was locked in the same room for one year. She hadn't seen any sunlight for a whole year. She couldn't bear to look at me. How could she? I had ruined her life. Her parents had rejected her because she bore a child of their enemy. She tried to kill me when I was two months old. But Aurelio stopped her. They separated me from her after that. She killed herself one month later, alone and rejected by her family."
"You know that it wasn't your fault, right? The fact that your mother committed suicide... It really wasn't your fault. Or the fact that she tried to kill you. Abuse and loneliness can cause someone to act out of character. The human minds is too difficult to comprehend. Every one has his own way of coping with certain things. You should not blame yourself for things that you have no control over."

"Is this why you became a psychiatrist? To understand the mechanism of human minds?" he asked.
No one had ever talked to him the way she was doing. He had always felt guilty- if he had not been born, maybe his mother would still be alive. But what Sofia was telling him was making him saw things differently.
"At first, yes. I wanted to understand certain things. Then I wanted to help others", she replied, her heart squeezing in pain and sorrow.
"Who hurt you?"
It has been so long since she had last spoken about that aspect of her childhood. Only Flora knew the truth and it was only after five years that she had been able to tell her.
"My dad was mentally ill. He was a wonderful parent- loving and caring. He used to carry me everywhere on his back. But he was ill and he did not get treated. He did not want to be treated. And my mom also did not believe in science and medicine. They tried to get over his illness but it was harder than they believed. My dad was schizophrenic and extremely paranoid. He never hurt us but when dealing with mental illness, you should be prepared. And my mom wasn't. She tried her best but at the end, she was too exhausted. My dad would always accuse her of cheating. They were both loving parents but they became distant from one another. My mom snapped after some times and she began to see another man... She was happy with him as my dad became more and more unstable. But my mom loved my dad. She ended her fling but it was too late. The next day, I came back from school and found my dad hanging from the ceiling of my room. My dad wrote us a suicide note, saying that he wanted us to be happy and that we couldn't be if he lived. My mom was never the same after that. She became depressed and died in a car crash."

"Did you ressent her for that?"
"No. I know that they had loved each other deeply and that they had loved me. I had wonderful memories with them. My mom was overwhelmed by the situation and maybe if my dad had the proper care, he would still be here. But we will never know. So I made myself the promise to save as much lives as I could."
Mikhail smiled. When he was in her embrace, he could tell that she was small and fragile but he sensed that there was an undeniable strength in her.
"And what about you, Miss Olivarez? You is gonna save you?" he wondered softly.
She laughed and looked at him.
"I am capable of saving myself. I am no demoiselle en détresse."
"We make a weird pair, don't you think?"
She nodded, feeling lighter since she had been able to talk about her family. Conversing with Mikhail was so easy - it was like she had known him all of her life.
"I need you to get better now, Mikhail. For the kids, for your family and for me."

He nodded. He wanted to get better for them, for her.
"Would you change this event if you had the choice?" Mikhail asked.
"I miss my parents, really miss them. But I would not change a thing. I believe that every choice we make has a certain impact on our future. The butterfly effect. Maybe if I would have been a completely different person but I have helped so many lives in my short career that I wouldn't have it any other way."
Mikhail stayed silent for several moments and reached out a hand towards her. She grabbed it and he gently searched for her face. She helped him and pressed his palm against her cheek. He marveled in the softness of her skin.
" I'm glad that Flora and Ivan chose to call you then."