Fate Called Me A Pussy

Chapter 11

Euphoria turned to cacophony.

Bullets rained down like glass from a shattered window, digging their way deep into the trenches. I was laying down in the muddy ground, my hands covering the back of my helmeted head, my face scrunched in agony and confusion.

Where was I?

There was only two options.

Either I was in hell,

Or Lionel's bungee cord of a penis.

"Excuse me, sir!" The old man crossed his arms, amusement glinting across his eyes. Matteo looked like he was going to fall to the ground in laughter, while heads turned in the waiting room. "And how would you know that my penis resembles that of extreme sporting equipment?"

I chuckled, leaning back in my chair. "Because your wife told me all about it."

"And when did he get a chance to talk to my wife?"

I looked up into his tanned face, grinning like an idiot. "After sex."

The waiting room number turned to #98, the entire waiting room as a whole seeming to groan at how slow it's moving. Meanwhile, the middle aged man tucked it back in his pants, much to my relief.

"Now you see, your story has to be false because I was also fucking Lionel's wife." Matteo pointed out matter-of-factly.

Lionel buried his face in his hands, trying to mute the roars of laughter that escaped from his lips. "Of course you were fucking my wife, yours was unavailable because she was occupied with me." He clap backed, causing me to sink in my chair, cynical laughter whisping from my mouth as the two bulls had their pissing contest.

"The only reason why she was occupied with you is because I had penile cancer and couldn't please her like she deserved." Matteo admitted, his eyes dropping to the floor and his shoulders slumping.

Lionel's breath hitched as he reached over me, placing a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Your wife will get here eventually, and when she does, you'll get to catch her up on all the stuff you thought about doing to her."

Oddly enough, that made Matteo's eyes light up. "Yeah, I guess your right."

I awkwardly stared at the baby pink floral wallpaper, until Lionel nudged my shoulder. "You can continue."

Nodding, I sat up straighter then Hitler when he was posing for some nazi campaign. "Shrapnel flew in every which direction and I was more confused then a nun in a strip club.

I had jabbed myself with her needle, why wasn't I back in Fate's office like she promised? Why was I in the middle of a war?

"Kid! Get back in the trenches!" A muddy soldier shouted from a pit in the ground, his dark eyes hard and unforgiving.

However, I was as frozen as a deer in headlights trying to wrap my head around where I was. I was in a war zone, I had on a dark green jumpsuit with the Canadian flag over my chest, I had on a helmet of some sorts although the strap under the chin is broken. Bullets were shot into the ground inches away from me, kicking dirt into my face.

"Kid!" The older man shouted hoarsely one more time before swearing up a storm. "You fuckin' get your ass here! Do ya wanna die? Do ya want your mama to have to bury your ignorant ass?!"

I moved my head to face him, and he must've seen either the fear in my eyes or the piss running down my leg because he begrudgingly hoisted himself out of the trench, army crawling towards me as the bullets continued to pelt down. Airplanes roared from above, dropping bombs on both sides with deafening explosions.