Fate Called Me A Pussy

Chapter 14

Snatching me by the wrist, Fate pulled me close to her and whispered in my ear. "You're going to come with me and you will not make a peep or I will make your life a living hell."

I smirked. "Peep."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the last time I saw my bedroom.

I didn't even see the blunt object coming, just felt the smooth, cool surface smack me in the back of the head like a military missile into a commercial airplane.

I'm pretty sure it was my lamp though because when I awoke after what seemed like years of utter blackness, pieces of green glass were littered throughout my hair. A large, bright light flared in my face. I squinted to see past it, but only saw darkness.

I tried to move the light but found that my hands were tied to a chair. "Sorry, bondage isn't really my thing." I hollered out to whomever must be lurking in the background, undetected to the human eye. That's when the light moved and Fate replaced it.

Oh yeah, I forgot she existed.

"Hello, James." Fate hissed, her white eyes looking on disapprovingly. "Sorry that you had to make this harder on yourself. Just let me explain why I think you are a waste of sperm and ovary; okay? When you were born, you were chosen to be a hero."

I rolled my eyes. "You should be a fortune cookie writer."

"Quiet!" Fate bellowed, anger flashing across her eyes like lightning. As a result of that electrical pulse, her sleek, now black hair began flying in every direction.

I wiped the spit off my face, motioning her to continue as piss ran down my leg.

"Anyways. You have been given many opportunities to become that hero. You just keep fucking them up. One example is that tornado that I planted in your town last summer. You should have run out and saved the day! Instead, you somehow slept right through it! I specifically had an orphanage built right in front of your house just to give you the opportunity to be a good hero that way by saving an orphan! Society would have written about you in textbooks! I put a goddamn interdimensional portal in your closet! You didn't even notice it!" Fate breathed heavily.

I smiled innocently. "Oops. My bad."

Fate threw her hands in the air. "You are hopeless!"

A figure in the background shifted. "Calm down dear, I'm sure it's not his fault."

Fate sighed, her shoulders falling down. "You always say that, Coincidence."

I popped my head up. "Who?"

Did neither of their parents love them enough to give them a proper name? Just like people who are named Ocean or Blue. It's obvious their parents were too busy smoking pot to consider a real name.

The figure stood up, a taller man with side-parted hair and a thick moustache. He looked like something out of a 1920's feature film with his tan pants and matching suit and jacket. His bowtie was astray and one of his suspenders was too loose. In his hand rested a golden pocket watch, tied to his hip by a chain.

"Charlie Chaplin called, he wants his suit back." I joked, offering him a shy smirk.

"He," Fate began, looking sweetly at him as if he was a flower and she was a raging queen bee. "Is Coincidence, my husband."

Coincidence smiled warmly. "Pleasure to meet the number one reason behind my wife's anger issues."

Fate giggled, slapping Coincidence lightly across the arm. He pulled her close, wrapping his large hands around her waist. They were like two ice dancers, intertwined flawlessly. But unlike two ice dancers, what they had was real.