I Got You | PTX (ON HOLD)

Chapter 24; Blame

Avi

The morning following, Kirstie had lost her battle against sleep and shut her eyes, still clinging to me. Many words weren't said after I woke up. My whole body aches, Kirstie's weight on my chest makes it a little worse, but a whole lot better at the same time. She hasn't said how long I've been out, where everyone is and if I'm physically going to be okay. Honestly, I feel fine, but a lot of things could go bad really quick.

Avi, don't think that way. Come on.

I stare down at her locks of jet black hair and admire her just from that. Her face is covered with it. My hands lace through it, feeling the softness, smiling and letting out a small aspiration of happiness. The blinds of the hospital room have been twisted shut, as I asked the nurse earlier to shut them before the sun came up.

There are patters of rain I can hear through the window. Light rain and some sights of sun, but all together, these few months were going to be a real autumn in Los Angeles.

Kirstie rolls around in her sleep, murmuring to herself. Normally, she does this, but it was odd. Her eyebrows furrowed and every phrase or two, her nonsense grows louder and she tosses more aggravated and violently in my arms.

"N-No, Avi. No!" she shouts. I slip my arms from under her and grasp her face with my free hand.

"Kirst, hey. Hey!" I yell at her, waking her from her somewhat nightmare. Her eyes flick open and she stares at me with tears in her eyes. But a smile appears in seconds when she sees the concern in my eyes.

She coils her arms around my neck and leaves kisses along my skin. I sigh in relief that she's finally okay and I hug her back.

"You scared me." I said, still holding her. After she pulls away, I run my hands through the front of her hair, brushing it away and she blushes.

"I was just have a nightmare. No big deal." She rests back in my arms.

"Mind talking about it?" I offer, kissing the top of her head. "You said my name, so I'm technically obligated to know." I tease.

She chuckles slightly. "We were on some ferry boat where you took me out to dinner and I was pushed off the boat by someone, and you came to save me and you ended up drowning."

"Why are you laughing about it?" I nervously say, while laughing at the same time. She follows. "I died and you're laughing about it!"

"You didn't die!" she retorts with another snort of laughter. "You were drowning and I woke up before you actually died."

I let out a huff and roll my eyes.

"Whatever you say."

For a moment, there is a complete silence. Kirstie rolls over to look into my eyes and I smile gently at her. She hold my face in her hands.

"I love you so much." she whispers, seriousness falling across her face. I short breath of nervousness passes and my eyebrows furrow slightly. 

"I love you just as much Kirst." I reply, leaning in and kissing her forehead.

"You don't understand how terrified I was. The thought of being without you killed me." Her face falls. "It was my fault that you got in the accident."

"Hey, hey." I search for her eyes. "None of this is your fault Kirstie. I was driving way too fast and-"

"But I was the reason why you were driving to fast." She cuts me off sharply, sitting up and parting her hands from my face. "Esther told me everything that happened and how you went storming off all angry."

My eyes widen. "Is Esther blaming you?"

Kirstie looks away and doesn't say anything.

"Kirsten." I lift her chin gently with my fingers. "What's going on with you?" 

"This is all my fault, okay? Esther knows it, I know it. And you know it too." She mutters, tears filling her eyes again. I wipe them away immediately. "I'm sorry." 

I shake my head over and over again. "No, no it's not." 

I can't live with this, knowing that Kirstie feels this way. I knew in my heart that she had done nothing wrong. For anything, she was by my side every night. 

She looks up at me and when I thought that everything was okay, the sentence slipped from her lips, tearing my heart in half.

"We can't be together, Avi." 

Nothing else leaves her lips before she crawls herself out of my hospital bed, hastily, running out the door in seconds before I can say anything else.

I'm left there, hurt. 

And confused.