A Stoic Heart (Completed)

Chapter 38:

Euro Zalmacio

My blurry eyes was fixated on the ceiling, my scent stinks of alcohol and  smoke.

Fours days.

Four fucking hard days of no Liana around. She was half-semester away from finishing her sophomore year and she threw it away just to get away from me, damn it!

I should be angry at her for jeopardizing her future but I can't blame her at all, she needs to be away from this place, from all the demons of her past and most of all the fucked up that is me.

She's nowhere to be found, not a single trace was left behind as if the universe conspires to take her away completely.

"Where are you Lia?" I found myself asking the air. It was eerily silent. I imagined her laughs, her nosy mouth, her soft hums and silent sobs as she read some shitty novels.

Damn, I missed her so much. I loved her so bad.

Before I know it I was already throwing my things away, anything that can break and shatter into pieces. These pieces of shit doesn't matter anymore, she's not here. Not fucking here anymore, she left because of me.

Next thing I am throwing figurines and smashing them in any nearby wall, fuck it feels so good. How I prayed I am a wall right now and be smashed with all these than feel this burning inside my heart.

I took my cigarette and light the tenth stick I am consuming for the night.

Wherever she is I hope she's fine, unharmed and well. I hope she's feeding herself enough, I hope she's under a warm roof...and I hope I could be with her right now.

"You told me you loved me, you'll love me and If I want you no more you'll still love me...I fuck, it hurts Lia. You didn't even let me fight for you, for myself. You just went and decide that I am better off with Ashley, how could you be so selfless and stupid at the same time? Haven't you felt? Have I not shown you enough that I love you...I can't even say I love you back because I don't think this is all just love I'm feeling, it's much more, it's intense and no words can seem to fit to describe...this, but whatever this is it's only for you...only you"

I cried in the air. I don't care if Tesla is hearing me right now.

At this moment I just want to sulk and feed myself to hurt, from the reality that she's gone and I let her slip away from me. The best thing that could have happened to me, the light in my dark mind.

That night could have ended well but I fucked it up. I always do, fuck up all the good things that happen to me.

***

Light shone on me, illuminating all of me.

I sat up, looking at the broken pieces of furnitures around me. Everything was a mess even my life.

My knuckles are bleeding and I have a busted lip, what the hell have I done last night?

I stood up and unknowingly my feet walk to wherever...leading me to that room where Liana spends most of her days doing what she loved doing.

The moment I opened the door I was welcomed by her smell, her addicting scent was all over the damn place. Her apron, used brush, dried paints and canvass were scattered yet still neat. She's always so neat,just like how neatly she walked away from my life.

I don't like this room at all, it gives me this little hope that maybe someday she'll come home again.

Closing the door, I noticed some canvass draped in dark cloth. Curiousity gets the best of me and soon I was walking over to the covered paintings.

I wish I hadn't reveal them, I wish I didn't bother to see the paintings at all but it's too late now. I am looking at small and medium canvass where different US are painted.

Some I remember, some I don't.

There were paintings of when we are at the couch, at the kitchen, at the university, damn she even painted our old mansion, there was me smiling seated at my office chair in the university, there was me reading a book, another version of me laughing and me in my lab coat and glasses.

She saw the best sides of me that I didn't even know existed.

She knows every goddamn little things about me.

A note was pasted at the side of the canvass that says

"Smile, you don't own all the problems in the world. You are dear to me, always remember that"

And I am back to crying. Fucking sobbing over the love that I lost.

__________

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