wedding buddies ↠ harry styles ✓

NINETY EIGHT

Harry Styles

It was all over the news.

Everyone seemed to know of everything yet at the same time, they had no idea. I mean, they accused her of cheating on me with Lesley. Her fucking brother. The photos were used to fit the situation. They twisted it until it matched. And to these journalists nothing mattered more than a gripping headline with a shitty story following.

The media knew nothing. They always talked out of their asses. But this time, it bothered me more. For one, I didn't know how it all escalated so quickly. For two, I just wanted to mourn the last three fucking years of my life in peace. I was never going to get back either one of my girls so I just wanted peace and quiet. I wanted to be alone.

No one seemed to care about what I wanted, though.

Gemma and Lucas were on my case. Aiden was over every day. He even kind of moved in with me and Mia frequently visited us, too. My mother and father called every other day if they couldn't stop by and I just hated it.

I hated that they wanted to help me get over her. I hated that they thought I deserved love. I fucked up big time and I didn't get shit for it. I should have.

I mean sure. My mother was angry at me for like two weeks. But then she somehow just forgot about my shitty actions and came running with tears in her eyes. It made no fucking sense. I wanted to be hated the way I deserved to be.

Even fucking Mia! Her fucking best friend... what the fuck was wrong with her? Why was she being kind to me? It didn't make fucking sense. She tried to explain it with the 'I'm both of your friends' line but that still didn't want to settle with me.

And this just made me go crazy. I couldn't focus on anything else. It consumed me.

The pain. The confusion. The anger. The loneliness.

This whole process changed me and not in a good way. I looked at everything negatively and I no longer saw the point in... well, anything, to be honest. I didn't go to work, I cancelled meetings, I cancelled photoshoots. I just couldn't give a fuck in that moment and time. I was told that was not a healthy way to deal with things but then again, these were the same people who didn't give me shit for being a fucking idiot for messing up everything. It didn't surprise me.

I was the only one who gave myself the treatment I deserved.

A month down the line nothing changed.

Two months down the line nothing changed.

Three months down the line nothing changed.

Four months down the line nothing changed.

Five months down the line nothing changed.

Now it had been half a year since she left and she had every reason to do that. But still, nothing changed.

The media was still speculating. The fans were still confused. My manager was pissed off with me to the point where she threatened me with stuff I didn't even care about. My family was disappointed and that made me feel relieved. I wanted them to be disappointed. I deserved that. Aiden still lived with me. He said he will not leave me alone with my mind like this. He didn't trust me and he shouldn't have. He was like my babysitter. He still went to work and lived his life but he was also there for me and he dealt with my poor attitude. I could tell I finally was able to piss Mia off as well because I kept her husband away from her. I only needed to push Aiden away and I could finally be alone and sad. That was all I wanted.

Well, that was a lie. Because she was all I wanted. But I would never get her back. It had been six months. There was no way she would come back. If she hadn't done this far, I didn't have any hope left of her returning. Not that she should have. She deserved someone better than me. I accepted that. Yet, I didn't want her to move on.