Us Against The World

Chapter 33

As I make my way to the front once again I hear a deep, loud yell. I stop and listen for a moment. It was Jexton. I worry and as much as I want to go back and help him, I know I can't. It's in my best interest to get as far away from here as possible, and hope that some way, somehow Jexton and I will find each other again.

I'm surprised to see that my bag still sits in the spot I left it behind the tree. I run to it and throw it over my shoulders. Nobody is outside and the gates are closed. The dust has gone down and people are no longer freaking out. They all know now,  that it was just me trying to catch them off guard.

I wipe my forehead of sweat and look in each direction that I can run in trying to decide which one to take. Pressure weighs me down and I have never felt so weak and lost. 

If I head up the road it'll lead me back to my house. If I head down the road, it'll take me back to the CDC. I throw my hand up to my forehead and sob, but no tears come from my eyes. I have never felt so empty. 

I can't decide if I will be better with or without Jexton. Everything that boy has put me through has ruined me. Physically and emotionally, I am a mess. I no longer have a place to go, a person to run back to or anything to fall back on. Everything in my life that has ever had any form of meaning to me, he has taken away. And I still stick with him and can't seem to go on without him; even as he dangles the last bit of my sanity over my head.

I frantically look left and right deciding which way to run. I' breaking down from the inside out. The faster I think the more confused I get and the more I hear, the more pieces of the old Farrah are blown away in the wind. I feel as if I cannot go by that name anymore; that I am no longer that person.

I spin around and stare deeply into the many trees that fill the forest ahead. I twist my body and take one last look at the community walls before dashing into the woods. 

I have no idea where I will go, how I will live, what I will do. Was Ander telling the truth about my father? Or did he lie to me to make me think Jexton was playing me again? I can't decide who to believe. And even though I have known Jexton longer, he has lied to and manipulated me countless times. He has destroyed and rebuilt my trust though I can't seem to pull myself away from wanting to be in his presence. 

Even though I had just met Ander, he could have told the truth—as everything he said and the way he said it made a lot of sense. He answered so many of the questions I had been asking myself that I couldn't bring myself to ask Jexton.

But along with the lies and the truths, Jexton has been giving off endless mixed signals. He has helped me out of numerous situations and saved my life a few times; about as many times as he has lied to me and tricked me into danger. 

But if he has been planning to kill me all this time, why hasn't he already? Why does he keep helping me and hurting me? If I mean something to him, or even nothing at all, there has to be a point as to why he hasn't done anything Ander says he has been planning to. I can't quite put the pieces together, but Ander has cleared up a bit of the confusion that has been stirring inside me. That is, if he was telling me the truth.

I run until I'm out of breath and allow myself to fall to the muddy, leafy ground. I gasp for air and prop myself up against a tree. I look up at the sky; the sun is about ready to set, and it looks as if it is about to start raining. Clouds flood the sky and my mind is wiped clean for a moment.

Birds chirp from within the trees, and it is the most beautiful sound I have heard in a long time. I gaze up at the beautiful sun and sky breathing in the fresh air. For the first time in so long, I feel somewhat relaxed. What has me so dazed? A moment ago I was worried and scared and empty, but now I'm calm. 

My breathing steadies and the smooth breeze gently caresses my rough skin. My hands are no longer shaking, and my heart is beating at a normal pace. I close my eyes and draw in slow, steady, calm breaths. And when I try, I can't seem to move and I cannot open my eyes.