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Chapter 26

Day 1:

Dear diary,

Since I no longer have Manu with me I nee someone to talk to.

My heart is breaking. I can feel it; piece-by-piece is falling apart.

I miss him.

I'm scared because I don't think there's someone in this world that's ever going to love me the way he does.

I miss talking to him, eating next to him, I miss the way we could be silent and still feel like we were speaking because our eyes said more than words are ever going to.

The memories are killing me. It's like I'm on phase 1 of depression.

I try to be okay, to overcome this loneliness in my heart but no ministries, no cars, no money is ever going to replace him. I realize that way too late.

Can I go back in time? Can I change things?

I thought I needed independence, that I needed to prove people I'm strong but only he knows how weak I really am.

He has seen me cry and he stood by me, he never left my side and my stupid decisions brought me here again.

I am selfish.

I can't believe I'm writing on a freaking diary because I pushed away the one person who was willing to listen for hours.

I love him and I didn't have the change to tell him.

I'll get all the money and work hard and then I'll fight for him, i hope is not too late by then, i hope he waits for me.

On the other hand, work is going good. I'm busy all the time. I just got here and I already got meetings about how to govern this place.

The governors have been so nice to me, except when I go outside to the same tree I just to go when I was little. They get really mad and call me inside, I don't know why.

I like the smell of fresh air, it reminds of Manu.

He was my fresh air.

I have a closet full of elegant clothes, bunch of high heels I'll probably never use.

I'm so tired; I need to go to bed now.

Goodbye... I guess.

Day 2

Today it hit me more than yesterday.

I guess my brain is really accepting the fact that I'll stay here for a while. I even decorated my room a little bit; I thought maybe I would feel like home but that is a big fat lie because I know this is not home.

Even though the smell is still the same, I don't have that sweet sensation that I used to have when I was growing up here.

I still feel betrayed by Lucy and Sat, they left me when I needed them the most.

Anyway, someday I'll rule this world and I'll be able to do whatever I want but for now I have to obey Lucy, she's been getting pretty strict with appointments and trying to explain how to do certain things, I just pretend I'm listening for my sake.

I miss him, you know.

I miss the laughs and fun we used to have, I feel like a big part of me is gone and I'll never be able to get it back.

What hurts the most is knowing it's all my fault; I wanted independence because my whole life I had to depend on people to survive and they always left me forsaken. But not this time, this time I'll fight to survive, no matter what.